


Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell

by Gays_Are_Endgame



Series: Somewhere Between [1]
Category: Original Work, Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell - Fandom, Somewhere Between series
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Autism Spectrum, Character(s) of Color, Childhood Trauma, F/F, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, LGBTQ Character of Color, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Paranormal, Psychological Trauma, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Suicidal Thoughts, Supernatural - Freeform, Supernatural Elements, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-10-10 08:30:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 50,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17422439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gays_Are_Endgame/pseuds/Gays_Are_Endgame
Summary: Nathan Turner hates life in a way many others do as well: he has depression. One day, he decides to end it, but is stopped in the act by the appearance of an angel. Something he never believed to exist, delivering him a story of fate and purpose he equally doesn’t care for. With his cousin and new friend, Nate runs away, but he soon finds out that his problems have barely started.Jacob Mason is a sociology major, determined to thrive after a less-than-ideal childhood. In his final year, things are looking up, but then it all changes. From one day to the next, Jake is left with nothing, landing in an unknown world and assigned to solve a missing persons case. Together with his friend Daniel and the help of a mystical neighbor, he meets the enigmatic Laura and dangerous Alexander, but while he’s searching for answers, he only falls deeper into a mystery.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fully original work with no ties to any existing media, though it can include similar themes. It contains supernatural/fantasy elements and a biblical theme, while actively trying to take the spotlight away from its usual heroes and shift it to characters often overlooked. I know readers on ao3 are usually more interested in fanfiction which is great, but it would mean the world to me if you could give my story a chance! It's free, has a minimum of 51 chapters, and for now will be updated weekly!  
> A story about fate, love, family, friends, heritage, obsession, power, death, overcoming trauma, and finding your identity in an uncaring world. This is a story for underdogs and will include every letter of LGBT (in main characters)
> 
> Please consider leaving a comment!

The bunker was dark, cool, and gray; a window to a steel prison. Apart from the faint sound from a distant ventilation made possible with the air filtration system, and every now and then a noise through the pipes against the upper half of the walls, things were quiet. Most of all, it was private, and if you’d ever find yourself within these metal frames, you’d be ensured that none would bother you.

This particular room was but a simple storage area, but if it had been storing anything at all, it was thrown out long ago, as the dust had settled on both old and new. Now, little remained but the metal table in the middle, featuring four chains, each with their own but identical set of engravings. The table wasn’t empty, nor were the chains, but held a dark-haired man, unable to leave or move. He could do nothing but watch the only other person by his side, who leaned against the table and looked away in sheer exasperation.

“Again.”

“I’m telling you the truth,” the young man on the table cried out, pulling at the ties around his wrists. He knew his green eyes to be as pleading as his voice, and he could only hope for a mercy he knew wouldn’t come.

“Your truth means nothing to me, if it doesn’t get me what I want,” his captor replied tonelessly. He didn’t look back, and while he seemed perfectly calm at first glance, his barely controlled rage could be detected right below the surface. He’d tossed his brown hair moments ago, and it stood messy above his dark eyes that lingered on a collection of tools he’d equipped for situations exactly like these. With his square jaw clenched so tensely that it held the rest of his face hostage, his eyes moved to an opening in the wall, before finally landing on his victim.

The man on the table feared the minutes to come, and as an attempt to beg for his life, he quickly continued.

“I don’t know where he is,” he said, repeating words he’d already spoken with great agitation. “He moves around all the time. I swear on my life that I don’t know, just release me.”

A smile grew on the face of the dark-eyed man, though there was no trace of joy. Something in them had changed, shining with a cold detachment at his prisoner while he reached for a ring on his left hand.

“You can’t swear on something you don’t have,” he smiled, and when he pulled off his ring, it grew larger in his hand and settled in the shape of a sharp, double-edged blade.

 


	2. Rock Bottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Start of Part 1 of Somewhere Between Heaven And Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and thanks for being here, having clicked from the prologue to the first chapter! This chapter introduces Nathan and Daniel and sets up the story. From here on out starts Part One, Beginnings, that will include 10 chapters until Part 2 starts.

**Part One, Beginnings**

Five months earlier

 

The computer screen omitted a painfully bright light in an otherwise poorly lit and dreary room. Nathan Turner was staring right at it, his finger resting motionless on the mouse. He watched as the cursor blinked, waiting for him to type in the words on the open, empty forms. His vision was getting blurry, but the cursor flickered louder and louder in front of his eyes. In his mind, Nate saw the empty, white space of the screen expand and grow larger and larger, until it was all around him and spread over him next. He could feel himself sucked into the white void until nothing of him remained. Dissolved, disappeared, gone forever; as though he never existed.

Approaching footsteps woke him up from his trance. Nate sighed and sat back in his chair, blinking repeatedly until his vision was clear again. He ran his hands through his bushy, dark brown hair and left them on the top. His bare forehead revealed a small scar on his right eyebrow that prevented hair growth and cut it short. An accident from his childhood he could no longer remember. With most of his stubborn, messy hair trapped under his hands, he could feel some lower locks breaking free. He tried to keep the sides short so it wouldn’t get in the way like this, but he needed a cut. He needed a shave, too.

The cursor was still there, blinking, challenging him to go back to work. He couldn’t look at it anymore, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to suppress the scream in his throat. _Pathetic_ , he thought. Everything in his life was pathetic.

For some inexplicable reason, the ones that thought they knew him, believed him to be a happy, laid-back individual. One thing that supported this notion, was how he went out more frequently and joked more often than his colleagues, something that was inevitably mistaken for a good time instead of avoiding the four walls of his apartment that would close in on him until he could no longer breathe.

Truthfully, Nate hadn’t cared about anything for years, stretching out to areas he was not willing to discuss with anyone. He didn’t care that he definitely had many, many problems. Alcohol being one of them, though he would profusely deny it if anyone were to bring it up. Another problem was how he never managed to pay his rent on time, with the inclusion of the current month he lived in. And while he didn’t care, it was certainly a problem that he was stuck in yet another dead end job in a bad economy without the prospect of anything better. He didn’t care how hungover he felt right now, and he didn’t care how he had not yet done any work.

On the right side of the computer, against the wall of his cubicle, stood a movable drawer unit. Nate had been eyeing the bottom drawer ever since he’d taking his view off the blinking cursor. After a quick glance around him, he reached down and opened it. A water bottle was lying in the back, half empty. It wasn’t water, however, but vodka, vaguely disguised by the Evian sticker. Alcoholism 101, and he didn’t even like the taste of it. For a moment, he considered it, but it was still only morning. He closed the drawer and reached for his pocket instead, taking his cigarettes out together with his lighter. He didn’t have to look at the date to know it was January 21. He’d felt it the minute he woke up that morning. Nate told himself not to be so melodramatic, but he wasn’t being melodramatic, only depressed, as he often was these days.

“Going on a break again, Nathan?”

Nate turned his chair and looked straight into the piercing eyes of Denise, the floor manager, who was looming over him. She nodded at the computer.

“What exactly have you done so far?”

“Well,” Nate started, trying to come up with a satisfying answer he knew he couldn’t give. What HAD he done so far? What he hadn’t done, was kill himself, so that was a win, wasn’t it? Nate said none of these thoughts out loud, but he thought them often. Instead, he said nothing. Today, he couldn’t find the energy to lie.  

“Just what I thought,” Denise scoffed, and gave Nate a nasty look that almost made him smile. It was comical to him just how serious she took this, whereas Nate barely even knew what company he worked for, yet Denise was not yet finished.

“So if you think you can take a break now, at only…” she paused for a quick view of the clock on the wall. “Nine thirty! Ha! Oh, then you’re wrong. You’re lucky you’re still here, you know. I’ve told Jackson about you a million times already. Doesn’t deliver, doesn’t put in the time, doesn’t care. And every time, he-”

Nate didn’t hear what Jackson responded with every time, and stared off at the clock behind her. Not only was he absolutely not interested in what Denise had to say, he’d also heard it plenty of times before. The hands of the clock seemed to watch him back, the seconds ticking loudly in Nate’s head. Suddenly, fingers snapped closely in front of his face.

“Hello?” Denise said, her irritation starting to show. “Are you listening?”

Nate looked back at the woman. She wasn’t a bad person. Unkind, yes, as were many managers, but bad? No. She was simply fortunate enough to have landed a job she was genuinely interested in getting, and was now forced to work with people like him. She was right, he was a terrible employee. Yet, admittedly, management skills were not one of her strengths. Her face was getting redder by the second, her eyes wide in anger.

Nate watched her, but felt detached from the situation. Screaming never had the desired effect on him, though he wasn’t sure what the desired effect was. Cower in fear? Nate wasn’t like that, and he disliked anyone who depended on the fear they installed in others.

“Do you need some water?” He asked calmly.   
“What?!” Denise huffed.

“You look like you might need something to drink. You should probably calm down.”

Denise was stunned into silence. Nate gladly took advantage of this moment by getting up with his cigarettes and heading towards the door for the break he was going to take whether he was allowed to or not.

“I will have you fired!” Denise shouted after him. She’d turned swiftly and pointed at him. “If you walk out that door, you’re fired!”

The office was dead quiet. No one pretended to be at work, and instead, all eyes were on him and Denise.

_Ah, great_ , Nate thought. _On top of everything else: humiliation_. But, much like screaming, ultimatums didn’t work on him either, and it had often led to many mistakes made by him out of spite alone. He knew he was on his way to another when he didn’t second guess, but grabbed the door handle and firmly pulled it down, leaving the office a moment later. If he had turned around, he could have seen the shocked expression on Denise’s face, and if he hadn’t walked out so fast, he could’ve heard the excited gossip of his colleagues who wished they had this amount of courage, but would never do the same even if they did possess it.

Outside the door, Nate felt euphoric, finally free, but it wouldn’t last. Before he’d stepped out of the building, he had already come to regret his actions. He bit his lip. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

 

The smoke left his lips in slow, twirling motions, picked up by the cool breeze outside. Nate tried to blow a circle, something he’d seen in a movie once. He failed, and watched a young boy ride his bike in the street that was poorly cleared from the snow with salt. There was no one else there, so he stopped in front of Nate and watched him back. Nate took a drag from his cigarette before speaking to him.

“What do you want?”

“My dad says that smoking kills you.”

“Eventually,” Nate replied. “Why aren’t you in school?”

The boy pointed at the snow under Nate’s feet on the sidewalk, that had crackled softly once he’d stepped on it.

“It’s closed,” he explained.

“That’s cool.”

The boy nodded and made another turn on his bike, but Nate didn’t plan to keep him company, and headed for the bus stop. In the meantime, he finished his cigarette, and another one, and another one. He was only a casual smoker, a social smoker, but being recently unemployed and with his alcohol still in his drawer, he had nothing else to do. His mind was blank, but his heart was racing. Nate finished his last one and looked in the empty pack for a while. He shook his head and threw it away.

The last money in his wallet was reserved for a ticket for the ride home. Thanks to the weather, there were fewer buses, which forced him to wait almost fifty minutes. In that time, he could’ve easily walked home, but instead, he chose to wait.

Another kid, together with her mother, sat next to him on the bus. She couldn’t have been more than eight, and loudly, she was telling her mother all about the amazing time she’d had with her friends that Saturday during a slumber party. Nate stared out of the window. He didn’t particularly like children. They seemed to have but two moods: screaming, and a joyfulness that only highlighted Nate’s own indifference. He wasn’t that quickly bothered by their busyness, but today was a bad day.

 

Nate hadn’t been inside his apartment for two full minutes, or someone had already knocked on his door. He opened it with the fear that he already knew what was coming, and he could only hope not to be right. Unfortunately, he was.

“Where is my-” the landlord started, who’d spotted him entering the building.

“I’ve got it, you’re getting it,” Nate interrupted him. “I’ve got your rent. It’s coming.”

The man took him in for a moment, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. Honestly, Nate wouldn’t have believed it either, had he been him.

“You’re way overdue, like always. I want it first thing tomorrow.”

“Okay, but-”

“I’ll be back here first thing tomorrow, Nathan,” the landlord said. “You better have my money by then, or I’ll rent this place to someone who WILL pay on time.”

Nate managed a weak smile. He nodded.

“Yep, sure. No problem. First thing tomorrow,” he said, and he quickly closed the door. He leaned his head against it and shut his eyes. He wouldn’t have the money.

Nate slid his hand down the door, before walking soullessly to his couch where he dropped on top, face down. He could ask Jake for the money, that wasn’t the issue. He would get a speech about how he needed to spend it better, but he’d mean well. Jake knew he would pay him back as soon as he could. What’s family for, after all? He’d done the same many times before. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for his cousin Jake, and he knew he could expect the same from him. But Jake was younger than him, a student, who couldn’t spare any money. Besides, Nate knew it wouldn’t solve his problem. It would only delay it. The real problem was him, and it wasn’t going away after a one-off allowance. He could feel it weighing down on him, heavy and constant, as if he was forced to carry around an anvil of massive steel at every waking minute. As he was lying on his cheap couch, he could feel it pressing down on his back, causing familiar thoughts to emerge from his mind. For some people, there comes a point in their lives when they give up, when they officially no longer want to continue. Nate had no job, no money, no future. He was done.

It wasn’t a first for Nate. In the back of his mind, suicide had always been an available option, but lately, it had been his go-to thought for even the most minor of problems. If he hadn’t gotten enough sleep at night, he’d think: _well, I can always kill myself_. He’d be out of coffee and think: _you know what would solve this? Death._

Somehow, it was comforting to know that the option existed, and it was enough for him to get through the day. But currently, it was no longer in the back of his mind. It was very much in the front. He believed there was no harm in entertaining a certain idea, but he knew very well that it wasn’t just an idea at all. With some effort, he rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling above him.

_Let’s say I do it, just hypothetically_ , he tried to justify to himself. _How?_

With dull eyes, he glanced around his apartment. _The building is pretty high._

It hadn’t been a serious thought, but more and more it started to take on a shape in his head. He’d been dealing with his depression for years, for as long as he could remember, and he was fully convinced that it would never get better than this. He would just keep on existing for no reason, so why not? He could join his parents.

His parents. Nate felt the tears stinging in his eyes. _Stop, you haven’t thought about them in a year_. It was exactly one year. They’d died four years ago, and while Nate adamantly believed he should be over it by now, his refusal to grieve and heal throughout the years had made that impossible for him.

Nate sat up straight, his head heavy and his heart cold. There was an empty bottle on the floor from last night, that rolled away when his foot touched it. For the first in a long time, he had no desire to get drunk. He had no desire for anything.

 

Nate’s eyes were closed, allowing himself to feel the cool air on top of his apartment building. The last thing he’d feel, before he’d do it. He was standing against the edge, slowly dragging his fingers over the stone wall. He opened his eyes and stared at the way down to the empty alley beneath. He’d thought that seeing it would make him back down, that it would make him feel enough hesitation and reluctance to not go through with it, but there was nothing in him that was trying to stop him from going ahead.

Was he thinking clearly? He wasn’t, he knew that he wasn’t. Would he do it? Yes, he would. He didn’t know what would happen once he’d jump. Some people who survived a thing like this would regret it. Would he? He guessed that he was about to find out.

Just as he got ready to pull himself up on the edge, a hand grabbed his shoulder. It was gentle but firm, and most of all: completely unexpected.

“Don’t,” a voice said behind him.

Nate tripped against the edge in surprise, before his body froze in panic. Where did he come from? There had been no one up here, no one but him at least, and he hadn’t heard the door. Nate turned to look.

Dark, kind eyes greeted him. They belonged to a warm face with a neutral expression, though it wasn’t unkind. The stranger didn’t look shocked, upset, judgmental, or anything else Nate would expect from someone stopping him in a suicide attempt.

“Who are you?” He asked. He didn’t know what else to say, so he tried to laugh it off. “I wasn’t gonna- I just wanted to sit on the edge.”

The strange man’s eyes were confronting and intense, and remained unchanged after Nate’s words.

“For the view…” Nate whispered.

The man shook his head.

“I can’t let you jump, Nathan.”

What? Nate pulled away from his grip. Who was this guy? How did he know his name? Did he know him? He could live in the same building, perhaps they’d said hello once or twice.

Nate regarded the man standing patiently in front of him. His black hair was just over medium-length, with some tips gracing his shoulders. Its wild curls looked messy and soft, and gave his hair somewhat of a triangle shape. It surrounded olive-colored skin, cool and tan, though with a golden-brown undertone. His deep eyes above his aquiline nose were black, and while they were glued on Nate, in a strange way they were not meeting Nate’s eyes in return. Had he even blinked yet? Nate definitely didn’t know him, he would’ve remembered someone this peculiarly intimidating, a man who looked as though he could see right into his mind, yet disregarded him at the same time.

“How do you know my name?” Nate asked. He crossed his arms in defense, raising his shoulders automatically. “I wasn’t going to jump, that’s crazy.”

The man came closer. Nate quickly stepped around him and towards the door, keeping his option to flee wide open.

“I know you, Nathan Turner. I know everything about you. I have been watching you your entire life.”

“Okay, that’s a little creepy,” Nate laughed, as he took several more steps back towards the door. This was more than a little insane.

The man continued to approach him, unaware of his effect on Nate.

“My name is Daniel, and I’ve been assigned to watch over you. I must keep you safe and alive, should there be any trouble, such as today.”

“Aha. Sure thing, pal.” Nate clapped his hands once and nodded, not knowing how else to respond to this strange man. “Right you are, too. And, thanks for that, may I add.”

He opened his mouth to add more meaningless words, but instead, he turned around fast and ran back inside through the door. He ran all the way down to the third floor where he lived and didn’t stop until he closed his door behind him. He didn’t know what exact part had scared him most about Daniel, but his dark, lingering eyes stayed on his mind, fixated on him without blinking.

Suddenly, his mind caught up with him, and it dawned to Nate what he’d almost done. He groaned. Off a building? Of all the ways he could do it, he wanted to off himself from his own building? Was he really not thinking at all? What would Jake have thought of that? What would Jake have thought of any way he would’ve chosen to do it…

_That’s why you should make it look like an accident._

An unwanted, intrusive thought. Nate told himself to shut up, but the words only repeated themselves, and he hadn’t been new to its message.

“I’m glad you decided not to go through with it,” a voice sounded right beside him.

Nate jumped and turned to see Daniel standing in his living room. He grabbed the nearest object in self-defense, a lamp, still hooked to the wall.

“How did you get in here?!” He asked, trying to sound as threatening and unafraid as he could, and he shook his lamp a little as a warning. The lampshade fell on the floor with a soft thud. Daniel bent down to pick it up and calmly handed it to him.

“You dropped your lamp.”

“I KNOW I DROPPED IT, ANSWER THE QUESTION.”

Nate hit the lampshade out of Daniel’s hands and it fell back on the floor. Daniel’s shoulders became tense. He didn’t seem to like being yelled to, and he averted his eyes. He watched the fallen lampshade as he spoke his next words.

“Very easily, actually. I believe you describe it as teleportation, though I suppose it depends on what you want to name it. Some consider it to be flying, but that’s not what it is, and I don’t have wings.” He looked back at Nate, before continuing. “Does that answer your question?”

Nate stared at Daniel for such a long time, his arms started to get tired from holding the lamp up as a shield, and he started to feel silly for holding it at all.

“No, that-… that doesn’t answer anything? I-… teleportation… flying… HOW are you able to… teleport?”

“Oh,” Daniel said, and nodded to himself. “Yes, I see where the confusion is coming from. I haven’t introduced myself properly. I’m an angel, I have descended from Heaven to save you. This is, in fact, my very first assignment.”

He smiled briefly at Nate and after some thought, he held his hand up for him to shake. A kind gesture, he believed, a sign of goodwill. He’d seen humans briefly holding each other’s hand when they met. Nate would hold his hand and know he could trust him. He’d only come here to help, something he proudly believed to be succeeding in, and it didn’t occur to him that Nate wouldn’t see it. But it looked strange, his hand was turned wrong, and it was obvious he’d never shaken someone’s hand before. Panicked, Nate shoved the lamp in Daniel’s face, hitting him across the nose with it. He dropped it out of his hands and made a run for the bathroom, which he quickly locked behind him.

“GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT,” he yelled through the keyhole.

Daniel had caught the lamp and put it back on the small desk it had previously been standing on. It had barely hurt him, but startled him nonetheless. He now watched the closed door on the other end of the room.

In the meantime, Nate tried to get a look from the keyhole.

“There’s no need for this, Nathan,” a voice spoke from close-by. Too close to be coming from his living room. When Nate looked up, he saw Daniel standing next to him again.

“And I don’t like being hit,” the man complained calmly. “You didn’t know that, so I won’t hold it against you.”

Nate jumped and pressed his body back against the door. He shook his head. How did he do that? This wasn’t possible.

“Get out,” he repeated, and he was no longer able to hide his fear. By touch, he was trying to find the doorknob. He didn’t leave Daniel out of his sight.

“I am trying to help you,” Daniel sighed irritably. He didn’t understand what he was doing wrong, as he’d even tried shaking his hand.

Nate shook his head harder. He found the doorknob and turned it, forgetting he had locked the door. Still, he would try, turning and turning the doorknob with the same results every time.

“Get out!” He shouted, and Daniel raised his head, watching the ceiling and appearing only mildly inconvenienced. Nate didn’t think he would listen, but Daniel had no desire to fight him.

“As you wish,” he said, and he vanished.

Nate blinked. Disappeared, Daniel had actually disappeared. Nate couldn’t believe what he’d just seen. He left the bathroom and stood still in the middle of his living room. With suspicion, he glanced around, expecting Daniel to show up again the moment he’d let his guard down.

 

What do you do after you’ve witnessed the impossible happen right before your eyes? Knowing he’d finally found a truly good reason to drink, Nate grabbed a bottle from the kitchen counter and sat down on his couch.


	3. Answers To Questions You Didn't Yet Have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the aftermath of Nate's dreadful day and while his problems haven't ceased, the addition of the angel in his apartment is something that just doesn't work for him. Slowly, they get to know each other and Nate finds out the role he has to play.

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

Nate grunted and opened his eyes, before raising his hand to shield them from the sun. Outside, a blue bird was pecking at his window.

“Shut up,” Nate murmured, but the bird continued undisturbed.

What time was it? Disorientated, Nate pushed himself up on the couch, his bones cracking in protest. With his elbows resting on his knees and his face covered by his hands, he gave himself a moment to remember what had happened. Though when he did, he wondered if it really had.

Nate laughed bitterly and dropped his hands. Of course not. Absurd. Just another alcohol-fueled dream. A long one, a vivid one, but a dream nonetheless. He’d probably never been on the roof at all. He must have been in his apartment the whole time.

On his coffee table in front of him, he saw his phone. Nate picked it up and turned on the screen. 8:45am, four missed calls. He rose fast, knocking his shin against the edge of the table.

“Ouch!” He exclaimed and rubbed his leg. He hadn’t heard his alarm go off and thought to be late for work, forgetting that he didn’t have a job anymore. Slowly, he remembered this. For a blissful, temporary moment, he had forgotten all the problems in his life, but one by one, they now caught up with him.

_Oh no_ , Nate thought, and pushed a hand through his hair. His landlord. What time had he said he’d be here? A wave of panic washed over Nate as he started to check his hiding spots for cash emergencies. There was nothing underneath the old TV, and he knew his wallet was empty, but he luckily found some folded bills inside the German copy of Jane Eyre on his shelf that had belonged to his mother. Where else? Maybe something had slipped underneath the cushions? No, there was nothing there. Where else could he look? _The nightstand_ , he thought, and rushed to his bedroom. He just needed to find enough for this month, and then he could pay for the next with his final paycheck, if he would get one at all. Then, he’d borrow some money from Jake to buy food, and go find a new job. Everything would be alright.

When coming back from an moneyless nightstand, Nate looked around at the apartment. It’s not as if anyone else would want to rent this dump. The few furniture he had, looked bleak and impersonal against the mocha colored walls that had been showing wear and tear before he’d moved in. Who else but him would care this little about where he lived?

 

The knock on his door was sudden, loud and demanding, and Nate’s heart had skipped a beat.

“Mr. Turner!” A voice said on the other side. “I’m here for the rent.”

“Umm…” Nate quickly counted the bills in his hands, dropping a few in his haste. “Just one minute!”

Ninety? No, ninety-five? Whatever it was, it wasn’t enough. Nate closed his eyes and sighed. He wished teleportation was real so he could disappear, too. Disappear and never come back. But magic wasn’t real, so he opened the door and faced his landlord. He could only assume that he smelled, as the man took a step back from him. He’d only just woken up and had finished at least half of a large bottle of liquor yesterday, if not more. This wasn’t good for his confidence.

“Listen, Mr. Wilson,” he started diplomatically. “I have the money, I do. Just, not right now. But I’m willing to give you an advance on it.”

“I don’t need an advance. An advance is what I get _before_ the payment is due. You’re behind, you’re always behind.”

“I know, I know,” Nate said, as he desperately tried to think of something. He couldn’t lose his apartment on top of everything else. Where would he go?

“Nathan,” a now familiar voice spoke next to him.

Nate shrieked and slammed the door shut when he saw Daniel standing by his side. Mr. Wilson yelled angrily on the other end, but Nate barely heard it. Daniel did, frowning at the closed door, though he continued speaking.

“I realize that you’re busy, but I want to speak with you again.”

Nate stepped away from the door, away from the man. It was all real, everything that had happened. This man, with his curly hair and dark eyes, wearing the same clothes as yesterday, was really here in his room, waiting quietly, but impatiently, for his response.

Who was not so quiet, but equally impatient, was his landlord, who pounded on the door as he kept on yelling. Daniel’s focus had remained on the door, and slowly, he took the handle in his hand and pushed it down, opening it. He looked almost surprised while doing it, like he’d never opened a door before in his life. Nate laughed fearfully.

“Is there a problem?” Daniel asked Mr. Wilson.

“You see him too?” Nate hushed nervously. For a quick moment, he’d considered every and all illness that could cause sudden hallucinations, as Daniel surely was one. But his question got ignored, and his heart continued to beat loudly in his chest.

“Is there a-” Mr. Wilson started, repeating Daniel’s words in surprised annoyance. “Who are you?”

“I’m Daniel. Why are you beating this door?”

“I’m beating this door, that I own, because that man over there owes me rent for using it. I’ve come to collect it.”

“And what does he owe you, for rent?”

“Well, six hundred bucks, and that’s just for starters.”

“And if I give you six hundred ‘bucks’, will you first let me speak to Nathan without your yelling?”

“Well, yes, I suppose I could-”

“Good,” Daniel said, and he closed the door while turning back to Nate. He smiled politely. “Now, we can continue our conversation.”

On the other side of the door, Mr. Wilson stood in silence. He didn’t know what to do after Daniel’s vague promise of money. A door opened further down the hall and a woman stepped out. Mr. Wilson decided to wait in his office downstairs and as he walked down, he told himself he’d handled that well.

 

Meanwhile, Nate had made sure to keep a distance between him and Daniel. A trespasser, really. An invader, a home intruder, and most unwelcome at that. But Nate would think twice before saying that to his face again.

“Yeah, sure, we can talk,” he said hesitantly, and he robotically gestured at his couch. “Sit down, I suppose.”

Daniel listened, sitting down on the tip of the couch and watching Nate while he opened his kitchen cupboard, taking out two cups.

“You want some tea? You look like an artsy type who drinks tea. I prefer coffee myself, but I do have some tea bags lying around,” Nate rambled, distracting himself from having to think about even the concept of angels, teleportation, or magic.

“No, thank you.”

Nate looked over his shoulder at Daniel, who looked uncomfortable sitting there, like he was trying to take up as less space as possible. His hands were folded around his knees and his gaze was aimed at the window, where the blue bird still sat.

“I’m making you tea,” Nate concluded, and he turned around. He had no desire for any conversation whatsoever, especially not with someone who’d caught him almost jumping off a rooftop yesterday. This was not a reality he wanted to accept. Quietly, he grunted, and he decided to buy himself some time by watching the water cook until it was boiling. He took out two tea bags, dropped one in each cup and filled them with hot water. With a dry cracker in his mouth to serve as breakfast, he took the cups and joined Daniel, placing himself on the far end of the couch and putting the cups on the table in front of them. Daniel didn’t touch his, and Nate ate his cracker without paying him any mind. In the silent apartment, the sound of the cracker was deafening, and he wished he’d taken bread instead.

“So,” he said, as he found silence to be the worse alternative to a conversation. Daniel had waited for him to start, and though Nate had nothing to say, he wanted to wait no longer. After swallowing the last bite of his cracker, he continued. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Yesterday, you asked me to leave, and I did, but I’m afraid you misunderstood my intentions,” Daniel said, quickly making use of his invitation to speak. “I haven’t come to harm you, but to protect you. I have, and now I shall continue to watch over you, not to leave your side.”

“No, I know, you said that,” Nate replied. “It was pretty unmistakable.”

Daniel frowned and watched his glass. The tea was black on the bottom and clear on top, and Nate knew he wouldn’t be touching it. It took a moment for the strange man to form a reply, and Nate beat him to it.

“I just don’t believe it, and I don’t accept it.”

Daniel’s brows tightened further, and he turned to him.

“What do you mean?”

“You, being a so-called ‘angel’. That’s not going to work for me.”

“Why not?”

“First of all, they’re not real.”

“I’m proof that they are, and I can promise you that there are many others.”

“No, there aren’t,” Nate said stubbornly.

“Yes, there are,” Daniel simply replied.

“Prove it, then. That you’re an angel and not some… I don’t know, a really good magician.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. You’re the _‘angel’_ , not me. If you really are one, why don’t you have wings?”

“Not all of us have or need wings. If I did have them, they would be invisible to the human eye. My host allows us to communicate better.”

“Your host?”

“Yes.”

_Hold up, wait a minute._ Nate sat up straight to examine Daniel’s body. A human-looking one. Was it not his? Was he just borrowing one?

“Do you mean to tell me that this is just some guy you plucked from the street?” He asked, giving his exterior a quick wave.

“I didn’t pluck him from the street, but yes. The point, however-”

“What’s his name?” Nate interrupted him.

Daniel sighed. He didn’t like being interrupted, but he was interested in knowing why this trivial information would matter to him, and so, he replied.

“His name is Ricardo Rodriguez,” he said. “He chose to let me use his body once I told him I was an angel. It should be viewed as an honor to humans. You’re blessed to be a part of this.”

“A part of what? I don’t see much of an honor in this. Why are you _‘watching over me’_? Why should I be at all important? What am I, a prophet?”

“Yes.”

Nate paused. He’d been completely joking, his mind having gone to the most absurd thing he could think of. A prophet? He couldn’t be serious, and the only thing Nate could do, was ask it again.

“A prophet?”

“Yes,” Daniel confirmed again.

“What am I supposed to do? Start a religion? Tell people of your existence?”

“Oh, no, I don’t speak to prophets.”

“You’re speaking to me, aren’t you?”

Now, it was Daniel who paused, and he looked thoughtfully at his hands before nodding. He had never spoken to a human before, prophet or otherwise, and he had not yet realized how incredible it was for him to be here. Soon, Nate’s hand waved in front of his face, waking him up from his thoughts.

“What am I supposed to do?” He asked again.

This question was easy to answer, as Daniel had heard it many times before, and he didn’t take his eyes off his hands.

“You are a vessel of an upcoming war where Heaven’s forces will strike down Hell’s infestations of what has been predicted to be the last time. You are to play a big role in this.”

“Aha,” was all Nate could respond with, and truly, he could think of nothing else.

Daniel said nothing, and he didn’t know how absurd his words sounded to a human who had previously not known of his very existence. He waiting for any questions that should follow, and when they didn’t come, he felt satisfied knowing that he’d painted a clear picture.

Nate rubbed his scruff, before taking a sip from his tea. He did not feel as though anything had been explained to him, but he felt removed from the conversation, and he had trouble taking it seriously. It was too ridiculous to grasp.

“Good thing I didn’t kill myself,” he joked cynically.

“That is a very good thing, yes.”

“You’ve got the wrong person, though. Surely, there are better candidates. You should try next door. I think Mrs. Roberts is very religious, she wears a cross and everything.”

But Daniel simply shook his head, and Nate started to realize that he didn’t know him to be joking. Though really, he was only half-joking.

“I’m an atheist, you know,” he continued.

“None of that matters,” Daniel tried to reassure him. “We’re very flexible. At least, I like to think that I am.”

“That’s neat, good for you,” Nate said, and he rested back against the couch, letting out a casual sigh. “Is there a number to call Heaven with? I want to tell my parents their son is a prophet.”

Finally, Daniel started to realize that Nate wasn’t showing his cooperation, but his disinterest, and he considered the possibility that he was being made fun of.

“You’re not taking this seriously,” he complained.

“Should I?”

“Many would regard you a lucky person, who should be grateful.”

“Grateful? To be used, like you said, as a pawn for a war I know nothing about? No, thanks.”

“Without me, you would be dead.”

“That, I’d consider lucky.”

Daniel didn’t respond, but silently watched his hands. He didn’t understand Nate, and he found his unwillingness to cooperate only half as frustrating as his unwillingness to stay alive.

Nate, on the other hand, was unbothered by Daniel’s frustration, and quietly consumed his tea while slouching back against the couch. He had never spoken so openly about his depression before, not even jokingly as he had these past few minutes. For once, he found himself uncaring about the response he’d receive. The absurdity of his new situation helped him lose his filter for words that had made him so uncomfortable before. He didn’t care about the way he came across, and while it didn’t change how he felt, it was liberating nonetheless.

“When will all this happen?” He asked.

“I suppose when the time is right and you’ve given your permission to Michael.”

“Michael? As in, the archangel?”

“Yes. He will speak through your body.”

“Ha!” Nate laughed sharply. “Haha!”

This was too much. He stood up with his tea and walked to the sink, pouring the remaining content down the drain. He put his glass on the counter and left the room through a door on the right.

“Where are you going?” Daniel asked him.

“To bed!” Nate yelled over his shoulder. He sat down on the mattress and wrapped the blanket around him before lying down. He didn’t want to deal with this, but he wasn’t tired enough to fall asleep. To his great annoyance, he saw that Daniel had followed him to his small bedroom, stopping by his bed that stood in the middle against the wall. Nate pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. A minute of privacy, was that really too much to ask?

“You don’t look very good,” Daniel noticed.

“I don’t _feel_ very good.”

“I could help with that.”

“No, thank you,” Nate said. The last thing he wanted, was for Daniel to perform some weird angel magic on him. “No thanks to everything, in fact.”

“Everything?” Daniel asked, and he shook his head. “There’s no option to refuse.”

Nate frowned and sat up. The blanket fell from his shoulders to a heap on the bed.

“You said you needed permission.”

Daniel hesitated, but nodded.

“Every angel must first obtain permission,” he replied. “It’s to show humans respect and to allow them their free will. I was taught this, yes.”

“Well, there you have it,” Nate said, and he stood up. He no longer desired to be in bed when Daniel would be looming over him by his side. “I respectfully decline. Please leave.”

“I can’t,” Daniel said, shaking his head. “You can’t.”

“I’m pretty sure I can, actually. You just told me that I could.”

Nate entered his kitchen area. Not knowing what else to do, he opened a bag of ground coffee and started filling his coffee machine, pretending not to notice Daniel who followed close behind and was again watching him.

“You can’t,” he repeated.

Nate turned the coffee machine on. It started to buzz and a moment later, a thin stream of coffee started to fill up a large, empty cup that he’d already used the day before. Nate turned back to Daniel, who quickly lowered his eyes to his shirt.

“Explain to me, then,” Nate said. “How I can have free will, but not a choice?”

It surprised Daniel how he did not have an answer for this. He didn’t respond to Nate’s question, and he didn’t move, not even when the coffee machine had long finished and Nate had added a large quantity of sugar to the cup with its black substance before carrying it to the couch, where he sat and watched TV in peace until the cup was empty.

 


	4. Casual Imprisonment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate finds himself to be a prisoner in his own home, with Daniel on constant guard. While one of his worries is lifted, they use their free time to converse, and Daniel tries to persuade him in accepting his fate.

‘ _Where can I find ‘bucks’?_ ’ Daniel had asked him.

 _‘Usually, there are a lot of them in banks,’_ Nate had responded. _‘But I don’t really condone-’_

But Daniel had already disappeared. Now, but few minutes later, Nate looked around the empty apartment.

“Finally,” he sighed. He lay back against the couch and shut his eyes. “Unbelievable.”

The TV showed the discovery channel, but he hadn’t been paying attention to it. After a moment, he opened his eyes and took out his phone. Four missed calls. Three were work-related that he immediately chose to ignore, but one was from Jake, who’d called late last night. He pressed his number and put the phone by his ear.

“Hey Jake,” he said, once he’d heard him pick up on the other line. “How’s college?”

“College’s fine. Are you okay? I called you last night, but you didn’t pick up.”

“I know, that’s why I’m calling now. Everything’s okay here, pretty normal…” Nate looked at the spot Daniel had stood not long ago. _Pretty normal._ Quickly, he continued. “Why?”

“I mean, I know how hard January can be for you,” Jake replied.

Nate sighed soundlessly and sat up. He didn’t want to talk about this, not now. Not ever, in fact.

“I know,” he answered. “But everything’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Because you know that I don’t mind if-”

“I’m sure.”

Nate supported his head with the palm of his hand, while resting his elbows on his knees. For a few seconds, things were quiet on the other end.

“We basically grew up together, Nate,” Jake continued. “I loved them too. You know you can talk to me.”

“I know, Jake. Thank you, but I’m fine. I promise.”

“Okay,” Jake said, but he didn’t sound convinced.

“Listen, I’ve gotta go again,” Nate said, and quickly came up with a lie. “Things are really busy at work. But thanks for calling. I’ll speak to you soon.”

Nate hung up without waiting for a reply and tossed his phone to the other side of the couch, before leaning back. He knew that Jake meant well, and he knew that he should open up to him more, that it would be ‘healthy’ to do so. He just didn’t want to. He didn’t want to bother Jake with his life.

Nate shut his eyes and rested. Of course, things were a little different now. Very different.

For a moment, he entertained himself with the thought of a Heaven, just existing somewhere on a big, stupid cloud. His family would be there. They were all good people and religious at that. All those reunions that would have taken place whenever someone died. Is that really how it goes? It was a painful thought, but a relief to know that they had seen each other again after the lives some of them had lived.

“Is this enough?” Daniel’s voice asked, interrupting his thoughts, and the sound of flying paper filled the room.

Nate opened his eyes and saw what appeared to be thousands worth of dollars on his very own second-hand coffee table. His mouth fell open.

“That- That about covers it,” he stuttered.

Daniel nodded and looked at the pile of cash.

“Your problems are fixed,” he said. “You’re welcome.”

“One of them is fixed, but thank you,” Nate replied. He reached for the money and touched it, half-expecting it to disappear as soon as he would lay a hand on it. It was real. When he looked back up, wearing a smile of amazement, he saw that his answer hadn’t pleased Daniel.

“Then tell me the others,” the man asked.

Nate raised his eyebrows and took in his presence. It was strange to think that his body wasn’t his own, but while he kept his face mostly neutral, through his eyes shone a strong personality that was undoubtedly his. Nate turned back to the money and took six hundred dollars.

“There’s nothing else,” he said, but he could feel Daniel watching him. Nate folded the money and got up, putting the rent in his pocket. “I’m going to pay Wilson now. I suppose you will still be here when I get back?”

“Of course,” Daniel answered him.

“Great, perfect,” Nate said, though his sarcasm was lost on Daniel. “Then we can talk all about whether your missing morality is a reflection of religion as a whole, or just you.”

 

Mr. Wilson hadn’t said a word. He snatched the money from Nate’s hands and closed the door in his face. Nate scoffed and started his journey back to the third floor. Back to Daniel and about ten thousand in cash, maybe even more. He smiled to himself. He had to admit that it felt good to not have to worry about money anymore. No matter what certain people would have you believe, money does fix many of life’s problems. What else could Daniel do with those powers?

After entering his apartment, he found Daniel in the exact same position as he’d left him. He hadn’t even sat down.

“Did you move at all?” Nate asked, and he shut the door behind him.

“No,” Daniel replied plainly.

“Of course you haven’t,” Nate said. He left him standing where he stood and entered the bathroom. From his laundry bag, he dumped his clothes on the tiles. The bag, he took with him to the living room.

“If you’re staying here, I’ll have to take out the air mattress,” he joked. He slid the money from the table and into the bag, before tying up the end and putting it aside by the couch.

“I don’t need a mattress,” Daniel responded, serious and stale in comparison to Nate, and simply informing him of the truth.

“And here I was looking forward to a sleepover,” Nate continued regardless, but he didn’t have to bother.

“I don’t sleep,” Daniel explained further. “When are we going to discuss my morality? I do believe to have morals, but they can be difficult to define.”

Nate watched Daniel, who looked down when their eyes met. If he hadn’t deflected his jokes in such a clueless way, he’d suspected him to be kidding himself now. He clearly wasn’t, and it had piqued Nate’s interest.

“Okay, I believe you,” he replied. It would be a lie if he said that he cared about the stolen money.

“Good… Was that it?”

“Pretty much,” Nate said. “Listen, Daniel, if I can’t get rid of you, you might as well get comfortable. Don’t stand there like that all day.”

“How do you want me to act?”

Was he used to acting on orders alone? Nate frowned curiously and waved in the general direction of the couch.

“Sit; watch TV; read a book; help yourself to my food; take a nap. I don’t mind and I don’t care. Throw a party, call your friends, but don’t break my stuff.”

Daniel considered reminding Nate that he didn’t need any food or sleep, but instead thought it wiser not to respond. He looked around Nate’s living room with the build-in kitchen and decided to sit down on the couch as he’d done earlier. A place he was now familiar with.

“You good?” Nate asked once Daniel had taken a seat, and when the man nodded, he continued. “Good. Now stay there, while I go take a shower. If you show up in my bathroom again, I swear, I won’t be happy.”

Nate turned around and left, wondering if he should be leaving Daniel by himself. Were his things safe around him? He didn’t take Daniel for someone careless or with ill intentions, but he would sure be counting his family heirlooms at his return.

Nate locked the bathroom door behind him and remembered how it hadn’t helped him the last time either. Angel or not, he’d have a big problem if he thought about ever doing that again.

 

After a long, long shower, Nate entered his living room fresh and clean in half-dirty clothes he had picked up from the floor that had still smelled good. He dropped down next to Daniel, who hadn’t moved, and turned the TV back on. Nate didn’t know why he’d worried. Daniel clearly hadn’t done a thing.

The next few hours, they spent in silence. Nate cast an occasional glance at his uninvited visitor, but Daniel seemed genuinely intrigued in the program on TV, explaining how batteries and cars were made.

“You still haven’t proven you’re an angel yet,” Nate said, once the episode was over. He wouldn’t have had his attention before, and even now, it took Daniel a moment before answering him.

“You haven’t told me how I’m supposed to do that.”

“Do something cool.”

“Like what?”

“Do a backflip,” Nate joked. He couldn’t imagine the stiff Daniel doing so much as a regular jump, let alone a flip, but when he saw his uncomfortable face, he quickly went on. “I’m kidding, I don’t care what you do. Just show me something.”

After a few seconds, Daniel stood up. He took the lamp Nate had used to threaten him with the day before, followed the cord with his fingers and unplugged it. Holding the lamp with both hands, he made it light up. Nate joined him and witnessed that the unplugged lamp was now omitting a brighter, clearer light than it ever had before. In this glow, Daniel’s face was inescapable, pleased and slightly smug. No, not smug, just proud, and almost innocently so. Nate noticed that his eyes weren’t black after all, but a very dark brown, and a moment later were aimed at his, though it only lasted briefly. He couldn’t tell if he was more impressed by his lamp trick, or by Daniel himself, but he wasn’t going to let him know that, shrugging indifferently to cover up how he had to swallow the lump in his throat.

“Not that impressive,” he said.

The satisfied twinkle disappeared from Daniel’s eyes and made room for a frown, and Nate felt as though he’d callously stepped on a baby animal. Daniel watched the lamp in his hands, and the light started to dim.

“I mean, you saw How It’s Made,” Nate continued mercilessly, though he had no clue if Daniel would ever catch his jokes. “You’re now only as cool as a battery.”

“I thought that was impressive. Humans have achieved a lot in their time on Earth.”

There was something so honest and innocent about Daniel, it had changed Nate’s perspective of him. He smiled and gave Daniel’s arm a friendly slap, but the man flinched in surprise and quickly withdrew. Nate frowned, making a mental note to not do that again. He really was startled quite easily.

With all things considered, Daniel didn’t look like an angel to Nate. Of course, his own vision of an angel had been a fully nonexistent one, and he had nothing to compare it to, but he remembered a few lines about the many eyes and many heads they could have. Perhaps Daniel really did look that, Nate sure wouldn’t know, and he wasn’t keen on finding out.

But there was something else that required Nate’s immediate attention that had nothing to do with Heaven or its inhabitants, but was the growling of his stomach. It felt like an hole in his chest, so empty it hurt and left him nauseated. Nate couldn’t remember the last time he ate, and he took out his phone. He had no interest in cooking something himself.

“I’m ordering a pizza online, you want some?”

“I don’t need food nor water,” Daniel reminded him, while putting down the lamp. “I can survive without any human needs.”

“I don’t need this huge amount of greasy cheese to survive either, but I’m still getting it,” Nate replied. “I asked if you _wanted_ some, Daniel, not if you needed it.”

Daniel had not before realized the difference, as he had never had the luxury to base a decision on what he wanted, opposed to what he had to do. He thought about this while watching the lamp, and when Nate had gotten no response, he selected a large cheese, just in case. Nate sat down on one of his only two chairs by his small kitchen table, and typed in his address. When he was done, he looked up at Daniel, who was now carefully trying to put the lampshade back on the lamp. It kept falling off, and Nate didn’t have the heart to tell him that he was holding it upside down.

“If you’re an angel,” he started, though the words still sounded ridiculous in his mouth. “You must be really old, aren’t you?”

“A relative question,” Daniel said, still struggling with the lamp. “Compared to you, yes, I am. Compared to the others, I am among the youngest, only 4,500 years of age.”

“Only four-” Nate cried out, and choked on his own words. He coughed profusely. 4,500 years? Unbelievable, and again, he couldn’t pass the opportunity to joke about it. “So ALMOST as old as me, then.”

“Give or take 4,474 years apart,” Daniel said, having come his closest so far in replying funnily as well, though Nate didn’t know whether it had been on purpose or not.

“Absurd,” he blurted out, and finished his order online. “4,500 years, I can’t believe it. Stop talking to me for a minute.”

Daniel wondered if he’d said something wrong, but he knew not to argue. Instead, he gave up on the lamp and studied his human hands. Every line and vein of his new appearance was nothing short but amazing to him. He stretched his hand and saw the tendons under his skin. With his fingers, he felt them, but Nate by the table wasn’t all that intrigued by the human body that he too was an owner of, and though he’d requested the silence himself, he dragged Daniel into his conversation.

“Let’s get this story straight,” Nate started, who didn’t wait to see if he’d gained his attention before continuing. “You’re here by some vague assignment to keep me alive for long enough until I can be enslaved by some kind of alien entity, such as yourself, and cause a war – your words, not mine – that, I can only assume, will have many human casualties? Is that right?”

“That is a very cynical viewpoint to have,” Daniel replied, who had been listening, but hadn’t looked up from his hands.

“But is it true?”

“It is your version of it. Other versions may exist.”

“And, again, what happens if I say no?”

This time, Daniel did look up, and he no longer liked where this was going.

“It would not be wise to challenge the High Angels, Nathan.”

“You can call me Nate, all my friends do.”

“You don’t have friends. I’ve watched you.”

“Wow,” Nate said, and perplexed, he sat back in his chair. He couldn’t believe he’d been so nice to this intruder. “Yes, thank you, Daniel.”

“It’s not wise to challenge them, Nathan,” Daniel repeated, and he took a moment to choose his next words very carefully. He brought his voice to a whisper, afraid someone else would listen, and he leaned in. “I am strongly advising you not to. From what I’ve heard, they can be very unforgiving, and I am certain they will force you, free will or not.”

Nate leaned in as well, sharing in his secrecy.

“Do you agree with this?”

“My opinion is worth nothing.”

“Unless you’re quite literally a Nazi or some kind of equivalent, no opinions are worth nothing. Perhaps what you need, is to gain some self-respect.”

Daniel said nothing, but his thoughts were conflicting. He’d often experienced the feelings of doubt that Nate demanded from him, but he couldn’t speak them out loud. Over the course of his existence, he’d been watching humans from above until, one by one, they’d inevitably die. He was never allowed to come to Earth, he wasn’t allowed to intervene, and he had to fully respect the notion of free will. But what was the point of it, if he couldn’t help them? While Nate’s words were chosen without care, still he agreed with them, but Daniel couldn’t consider the possibility of expressing complaints. Nothing good came to those who did.

To Nate, matters like these were both simple and complex. Those who remain silent side with those in power, and Daniel’s silence confirmed to him that he was only here to follow orders. He was here to guard him, and as far as Nate was concerned, that made him a prisoner in his own home.

 

The next half an hour could be described uncomfortable at the least, and painful at most. Nate sat at his humble kitchen table, arms crossed, and determined to create an unpleasant atmosphere around him by being as tense and angry as he could be. He had no energy to feel all that angry, but he believed he had the right to be, and he would make use of it too. It was only fair to make Daniel as uncomfortable as he made him.

Unfortunately, it affected Nate more than it did Daniel, who had decided to remove himself and shift his focus to the window with the little blue bird, hopping from one end to the other. When Nate noticed he was being ignored, he did get angry, but it upset no one but himself. By the time the pizza arrived, Nate was furious. He took his meal from the delivery girl, paid her, and slammed the door shut in her face. Guilt instantly overtook him, and after he’d put the pizza down, he opened the door.

“Sorry!” He yelled after her, but she was already gone, and his self-loathing increased. By the windowsill, Daniel was staring his way, but Nate ignored him, having sat back down and starting on his pizza. Though his stomach was screaming for food, he didn’t feel hungry, and after one slice, he stopped.

Daniel hesitated, before joining Nate at the table. He didn’t want Nate to resent him, but he didn’t know how to change it. The open pizza box had taken all the space there was, and Daniel sat down on the only remaining chair. The chairs didn’t match, as one had been Nate’s parents’, and the other his grandparents’. Daniel’s chair was perhaps not antique, but definitely old, and it wobbled dangerously. Jake and Nate had bets on when the thing would finally break, and perhaps it’s exactly what a home invader deserved.

Daniel’s chair, however, didn’t break, and Nate continued acting unbothered in a way where he wanted Daniel to know that he was in fact extremely bothered by him. It flew right over Daniel’s head, who now leaned in over the pizza to get his attention.

“What is it like to know that your body could die at any moment?”

Nate was stunned, and his gaze caused Daniel to look down at the pizza. He didn’t care much for etiquette, but he was pretty sure that this wasn’t something you could so easily ask just about anyone.

“Right now? Comforting,” he said with a wry smile. “Knowing that it would put an end to our talk.”

“Does that outlook on your life give you a sense of purpose?”

Nate broke a piece of crust off the pizza and crushed it in his hand. He stood up and walked to the window.

“Buddy, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t exactly have what you’d call purpose.”

“So then,” Daniel continued eagerly. “Doesn’t it please you to achieve the highest purpose one can, and accept your fate?”

Nate carefully opened the window to not startle the bird, but it flew away nonetheless. He spread out the crumbs of dough on the windowsill, and by the time he’d sat back down at the table, the bird had happily returned.

Daniel watched the small animal eat the crumbs and witnessed the appearance of a second one. It had been a small act of kindness from Nate, but it had impressed him greatly, and he temporarily forgot about their conversation.

“You’re trying to trick me,” Nate answered him. “Which is very biblical of you, I must admit.”

Slowly, Daniel turned to him.

“I’m trying to persuade you.”

“It’s not working. Find someone else, Daniel.”

“There is no one else. You are the perfect host.”

Nate sighed, and he rubbed his temples with his fingers. He was getting tired of this.

“There is only one? Really?” He asked, feeling just about exasperated. “That sounds like a terrible system.”

“Every human body with permission will work, but for the oldest and strongest among us, it is not as easy. These rules didn’t always exist, and there used to be a time when hosts weren’t necessary at all. Many of our species abused their rights to a degree indistinguishable from devils: the first of us who’d fallen to Hell. Mankind became victim to many personal battles, so a system was set in place. In order to teach us respect towards humans and let them live their own lives, we ask permission, and live through them. The High Angels, the oldest ones, received stricter rules. While theoretically, any human will do, they last for a shorter amount of time and block part of their power. There is only one human who works as a fully functional host, one for High Angels and one for all devils, to prevent more than one on Earth at a time and create further long-lasting damage. It’s been years since these hosts were last born, and they have never existed simultaneously. It was said from the beginning that once they do, they were meant for the highest of angels and the highest of devils, used for a fight that would re-establish Heaven’s rule.”

Nate found it difficult to concentrate on Daniel’s words, which he found to be a lengthy, unnecessary speech on technicalities alone, and he frowned at the greasy box of his pizza. His increasing fatigue was weighing him down, and he had no answer prepared for something like this.

“Or so I’ve been told,” Daniel mumbled eventually, and now, Nate looked his way.

“You don’t know for certain?” He asked.

“This happened before I was created, but it is the story we are told.”

Nate nodded. He pulled a string of cheese from his pizza, and put it in his mouth. It was flavorless to him, and while he knew that he needed to eat, he regretted having done it.

“Is Ricardo going to die?” He asked, once he'd swallowed it.

“Most likely, he won’t.”

“Most likely?”

“At certain times, a human soul is unable to coexist with a higher entity, angelic or demonic, due to the intensity or duration. At times like these, the soul will move on, and the angel will be in full control. To again ensure that visits to Earth are short-lived, we can only continue without a human soul when we have the permission of Heaven to do so.”

“ _Move on_ ,” Nate scoffed, though his voice remained quiet. “You say ‘move on’ like they went to Texas, but what you mean is that they’ll die.”

“If that’s your way of looking at it. The reality is that neither the body nor soul dies, as long as we continue to occupy it, but their spirit does, in fact, move on to the afterlife.”

“What happens if you keep the body without this ‘permission of Heaven’?”

“I don’t know. I’m not the all-knowing being you take me for, Nathan, but I assume we would die, or be forced to return, in which the human body stops functioning.”

Nate nodded again, and he stood up. He could not argue with him, and he didn’t want to continue. He’d heard enough for today, and Nate announced that he was going to bed by simply walking out of the room, leaving Daniel by himself on his wobbly grandparents’ chair.


	5. Increasing Doubts pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While he tries his best to help, Daniel starts to experience doubts. The help he offers is one Nate absolutely doesn't care for and while they move in different directions, they simultaneously come closer together.
> 
> A part 1

The following day, Daniel spoke only three times. The first was right after Nate woke up and had found him standing next to his bed. Nate groaned and quickly pulled his sheets up, despite the fact that he was wearing a shirt and boxers. It was more that _he_ didn’t want to see him.

“How long have you been standing there?” He asked from under the covers.

“A while,” Daniel replied. “You’ve been in here for thirteen hours, I was afraid you had died.”

 

The second time was a few hours later. Nate had gone grocery shopping and Daniel had accompanied him, which had not been by Nate’s choice. It had taken over an hour. Everything distracted Daniel. He picked up cans to read their labels, touched the fruit, and smelled the herbs. It had started to embarrass Nate, who’d asked him to wait outside, and after paying for the food with his newly acquired money, Nate carried the grocery bags out of the door. He’d found Daniel bent down on his knees next to a dog that was tied to the street light. For an absurd moment, Nate considered that he might be communicating with him, but he was simply studying him with great curiosity, and Nate in return him. He put one of his bags down next to him, and waited for Daniel to be done with whatever it was that he was doing.

“I believe he wants to be free,” Daniel said, without looking up from the dog at the pole.

“So do I,” Nate replied. “Let’s go.”

 

The rest of the day went by quietly, and despite the many hours he’d already spend in bed, Nate had taken another nap. Daniel had spent the time by carefully examining everything there was to see in Nate’s apartment, which there wasn’t a lot of, but he’d sure taken his sweet time to do it.

Later, after Nate had already eaten the pizza from the day before for both his breakfast and his lunch, he cooked himself a simple meal (a meal here meaning two pieces of bread and whatever required the least amount of effort to put between them), and ate it in front of the TV, that he didn’t turn on. Apart from his rude awakening earlier that morning, Daniel hadn’t looked much at Nate at all so far, something that was more than fine by him.

A while later, having nothing else to do, and without the privacy to fall back on his bad habits, Nate started to do the dishes. He couldn’t believe that he was actually doing something productive for a change. _Truly a miracle, amen._

There wasn’t much, as Nate always used the same plate until it was visibly too dirty to use again, and from over his shoulder, he could see that Daniel had moved to the books on his shelf. There weren’t many. He could rarely find the concentration to read.

“Sorry, I don’t own any bibles,” Nate joked, casting him a regular glance while scrubbing his plate for a fourth time.

“Most of it is wildly inaccurate,” Daniel said as a matter of fact. “I know none to be correct.”

Nate briefly raised his eyebrows, but suppressed a small smile while draining the soapy water. He looked around his apartment in silence. Though Daniel was mere feet away, it was as quiet and still as though he was alone, and when he saw how occupied Daniel was with his bookshelf, he snuck a bottle of wine under his shirt and withdrew to his bedroom for the night.

 

Another day went by like this. Nate didn’t want to go anywhere, and Daniel didn’t want to go anywhere without Nate. Multiple times, work would call his cellphone.

“Your phone is ringing,” Daniel said every time.

“I know,” Nate would respond, never picking up, thus concluding the only form of communication they’d have.

 

On Saturday, Nate turned the TV off. Daniel had been watching the programs as well as the commercials that followed with great interest, and now turned to Nate for an explanation. Nate didn’t look back.

“Not that I don’t like having you around…” he started, turning the remote in his hands. “But can’t you just wait somewhere else for me to possibly die?”

“Is my presence bothering you?” Daniel asked.

“No, but the fact that I’m being held hostage, is.”

“You’re not held hostage. You’re free to go wherever you like.”

“We both know that’s not quite true, is it. My freedom,” Nate said, looking back at him, but Daniel only averted his eyes to the ground. Nate sighed irritably, and he continued with a sneer. “Never mind, you still don’t get it. Why should you? You enforce this yourself.”

He stood up, planning to walk away, but he didn’t know where to go. His front door hadn’t been opened in two days. Perhaps he would go outside, take a walk, even if it did come with a chaperone, but he would just as gladly go back to bed.

“You mistake me for someone I’m not,” Daniel said behind him.

Nate stopped, and he looked over his shoulder. Daniel hadn’t looked up, and Nate considered his words. It was true, he didn’t know him, and something told him that they were both having one-sided discussions, fighting a system from different sides of the ring. Daniel’s answers had felt rehearsed and he didn’t seem to believe in them, or perhaps, Nate only hoped this. It surprised him to know how much he was charmed by this home invader, but he was earnest and kind, and Nate had nothing but respect for anyone who was both earnest and kind. He didn’t usually like the ones who were one, but not the other, and he didn’t usually like himself all that much, either. By now, Nate had come to know Daniel for his neutral tone, a voice that sounded soft and concerning, and perhaps he was in need of the same. As Nate sat back at his side, he spoke to him in a kind whisper.

“You can let me go, Daniel. It will be simple, and you will have to do nothing for it. You don’t have to act, you don’t have to rebel. I’ll get out of here with the bag of money – thanks for that, by the way – and you won’t ever see me again. _Should_ anyone catch me, I’ll say that I ran away. No one would know.”

Daniel seemed more confused than anything else, and he shook his head.

“You wouldn’t last without help.”

“I’ve been doing just fine on my own, Daniel.”

Daniel turned to him, his eyebrows pushed together in a skeptical frown, and Nate realized that Daniel knew very well that he hadn’t been doing ‘just fine’ before he’d come. Feeling caught, he cleared his throat and crossed his arms with the remote still in his hand. Casually, he took a look at one of his chairs, but his heart felt tight and heavy. Shame lingered in the back of his mind, not so much for what he’d planned to do, but for being found out, afraid he’d be judged for it.

“You just caught me on a bad day, that’s all,” he said, as he shrugged uncaringly. “I’ve been fine since then, haven’t I?”

“If you say so.”

“I do. I just did.”

“Our conversations have proved otherwise.”

“That’s because you broke into my home, and you can be very irritable.”

“I’m not trying to be. I’m trying to help, but you won’t allow it. You’re stuck in an idea that your life isn’t worth living, something that’s simply not true. Every single life has meaning. Taking one away will always negatively influence many-”

“No, stop it right there,” Nate interrupted him. He was more frustrated than upset, and he didn’t want to do this as though he’d just called the depression hotline. “I’m not asking for a pep talk. I know I hit a low moment up there, but listen when I say that that’s not an invitation for what is _very_ unwanted advice on my _‘outlook on life’_. I’m not gonna apologize or have some kind of life-changing epiphany, just because you showed up and apparently exist. I know you probably have all this spiritual, inspirational stuff to tell me, but I am absolutely not interested, in any of it. You think I’m being irrational, cause you’re literally another species so you can’t understand what this is like, and I know you think I haven’t really thought it through until I’ve heard your point of view, your oh so important opinion, but I have. For years. Are you seriously gonna tell me my death would be a _‘negative influence’_? As if I don’t know I would be hurting people by killing myself, or really just Jake? Trust me, I don’t want to, but you know what? This isn’t about you, or him. It’s _my_ life and _I_ alone should be able to decide when it ends. No one can decide on this, but me. I had no say when I was brought into this world, but I have a right to choose when I leave, simple as that, and I’m not gonna let anyone pedantically judge me or look down on me for it, especially not you.”

It took Daniel a long time to form a reply, a very long time, and Nate regretted his outburst more by the minute. Nervously, he waited for what he knew would be criticism, but Daniel did not meet his expectations.

“I’m not judging you, pedantic or otherwise,” he finally answered.

“Sure,” Nate replied sarcastically, as he couldn’t believe it. “Of course not.”

“I admit, I was in the process of giving… unwanted advice, but I’m aware that it’s not my place to judge you on your life and your choices. I apologize if I have.”

“Right…” Nate said unsurely. “Well, alright then.”

“Was that all?”

“Well, truthfully,” he hesitated. He lowered his arms and tossed the remote on the couch behind him. “I wasn’t expecting to hear that. Everyone always has an opinion on this, and it’s usually a negative one.”

“Perhaps you shouldn’t be too quick to judge me, either,” Daniel said, and he smiled briefly. He was glad he’d been able to surprise Nate with his comeback, and pretended to himself that he didn’t want to finish the advice he was giving. He hoped that it would have a similar effect, but after some consideration, he chose to stay silent. While only human, Daniel respected Nate and the things he had to say. He was grateful for being seen and heard, so unlike the place he’d left behind. He knew to be considered as little more than an inconvenience, being the obstacle that stood in the way of Nate’s freedom, and he wished he could tell him how he’d never cared for Heaven, nor its orders. But this would incite Nate to ask him to desert, something he simply couldn’t do.

“You know what,” Nate murmured, bringing Daniel back to his living room. “It’s weird, but… these past few days? I haven’t talked this much to anyone in months. Many months.”

“These have been the longest conversations I’ve had in my entire existence,” Daniel spoke honestly.

“You’re not serious. You’re quite literally ancient.”

“Still, it’s the truth.”

Nate laughed shortly.

“Well, aren’t we a pair.”

Daniel didn’t know what kind of pair they were, but he didn’t ask. Instead, he focused on being grouped together with Nate at all, and he wondered if he had made a friend. He didn’t quite know what friendship was like, and while his need to know was big and urgent, he didn’t ask, afraid of receiving not only a rejection, but a mockery. Still, it had increased his interest for Nate, and while this had been the moment where the young man had considered their conversation to have come to an end, having moved on to other tasks such as making his sixth large cup of coffee of the day despite not having anywhere to put the energy the caffeine would bring, Daniel had not yet let it go at all. While Nate was drinking from his near-empty cup at his kitchen table, mindlessly scrolling social media on his phone, the angel sat down at his table and started to speak.

“Perhaps, if you interacted more with others, as you say you haven’t, you would have heard more unexpected answers that could’ve changed the course of your life for the better, and we wouldn’t be here right now.”

Daniel had waited to say this until he’d seemed sure Nate would react calmly. He appreciated that most of the time, Nate used a civil tone, but he hated it when Nate’s criticizing response evoked the feeling that his words didn’t matter. If he’d enjoyed feeling unimportant, he wouldn’t have left Heaven.

“Imagine that,” Nate replied tonelessly. “I highly doubt that, and besides, it’s always easy to say what could and couldn’t have happened if only you’d done things differently.”

“Still, you-”

“I’m not looking for a therapist, Daniel.”

“Please, let me speak,” Daniel mumbled.

Nate looked up from his phone. He turned the screen off and put it aside.

“Okay, go ahead.”

Daniel waited. Was it really that easy? No one had shown any type of concern for him before. In the most faraway, secretive part of his mind, Daniel added this instance to a scoreboard of whether Nate was his friend or not, and having now more evidence leaning to that he was, it only made Daniel want to help him more.

“If it was a low moment, like you said, then it’s still a good thing that I stopped you. That means there are good moments, too, proving that there are still things that could be considered worth living for.”

“Or, they’re simply _less_ low moments.”

“Which are still better moments.”

“Sure, Daniel. If this was an English class, you would’ve sure gotten me there.”

 

Later, when Nate was eating a bag of chips for dinner, leaning against his counter, Daniel suddenly continued again.

“Have you always planned to end your life by jumping from your own rooftop?”

Nate choked on a potato chip and patted his chest. Daniel really needed to stop ambushing him with these tactless, personal questions. It was as though he purposely waited for him to be in the middle of doing something else, and he wasn’t all that wrong, as Daniel would wait until he found Nate to look the most approachable.

“No…” Nate said with a raspy voice, part of his chip still stuck in his throat. “No, that was not my plan.”

“So you admit, then, that you weren’t in a clear state of mind?”

“Fine, yes, you got me again. I was everything but clearheaded. Or, like I said before, I was having a _low moment_.”

“So it was in fact irrational, despite your claim that it wasn’t.”

“Yes, you win. Well done. Do you feel better now?”

“No, but this proves that what you said earlier, wasn’t true.”

“Yes, it was. Just because that single moment was a stupid one, doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about this for years.”

“About jumping down from rooftops?”

“About not being alive. I thought you’d been watching me so much?”

“I can’t look inside your head, Nathan. I do know that I’ve only ever seen you unhappy, from a younger age than most.”

“Okay, no. I’m sorry, but that just crossed a line with me and this conversation is over.”

“Why?” Daniel asked.

“Because I don’t want to talk about how you _watched_ me when I was a child, that’s pretty damn creepy. To most people, I believe. That is generally considered a very creepy thing to do.”

Daniel hadn’t known this, but he didn’t want to scare Nate off. For now, he remained quiet, but it wasn’t the last Nate would hear of it.

 

When Nate went to bed, he didn’t think that Daniel would be analyzing his rant any further, and he’d already come to see his honesty as a most unfortunate event. But at 2am, something woke him.

“Nathan.”

Nate frowned sleepily and rolled over to the other side.

“Nathan.”

“What?”

“Nathan, wake up. I’ve got another question.”

“Daniel, goddamnit,” he muttered. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands.

“Why did you try to kill yourself now, and not all those other years?” Daniel persisted, who was bent down next to his bed, facing Nate. “Something must have been holding you back, meaning it could hold you back again. So why now?”

“Um,” Nate sighed. He thought for a moment and stared up at the ceiling, refusing to look back at Daniel. “Because Jake is in college and doing well, now. That’s why, I think.”

“And why didn’t you before?”

“Because Jake needed my help, and my parents were alive and they’d be heartbroken, and I couldn’t do that to them, okay? It wasn’t just something _‘holding me back’_ , it wasn’t like that, but more of an… obligation, to them. If my parents had known I was even considering such a thing, they’d have killed me themselves. It’s not really something that would be understood in my family, you know. Throwing your life away. Makes you ungrateful for what you have. God, if my _grandparents_ had known. They would never forgive me, I’m sure of it. No way… There, I answered honestly. Now please, get out of my room and let me sleep, I’m begging you.”

 

The following day, Nate woke up with the sun. After giving his eyes the time to adjust to the light, he watched the window. From this angle, the only thing you saw on the outside were the bricks from the next building. He lay there for a while, until he felt an increasing sensation that he was being watched. When he noticed the figure in the corner of his eyes, he rose quickly to see Daniel by his door. Nate groaned and dropped back on the bed.

“Have you been watching me this entire time?” He murmured tiredly.

“You told me to let you sleep.”

“I think I also told you to get out.”

“I did, and then I came back,” Daniel said, but Nate watched him skeptically. He’d known very well what he’d meant.

“Next time, get out means stay out. What is it now?”

“Have you ever considered taking medication for your depression?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“ _Because_ , okay? Just because. That is my answer.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Well, I don’t care.”

“But if you were to take the medicine your people have created, perhaps-”

“DANIEL!”

Daniel flinched and took a step back, out of the door. Nate sighed and shut his eyes. After a moment, he threw his sheets off and got up.

“It’s a sensitive topic, okay? All of it, actually. I haven’t talked about this to anyone before, and I only just woke up. Humans don’t function very well when they’ve only just woken up.”

“I’m sorry.”

Nate squeezed himself past Daniel to enter the kitchen and make a cup of coffee, adding a load of sugar to the empty mug before it slowly started to be filled. In the toaster on the counter, he pulled down a piece of bread before sitting at his table, watching the dripping of the coffee machine until it was ready. The ever-peculiar Daniel joined him again, but Nate didn’t look up.

“I don’t know why you’re asking all this,” Nate said. “It’s not like any of it matters. Not if it’ll all go your way.”

“It’s not my way,” Daniel responded. “I’m merely interested.”

“In what, me?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not that interesting.”

“You’re right. With the role you play, considering your ancestry-”

Nate’s bread shot up from the toaster, and Daniel had shrunken, surprised over both the sound and sudden movement. He was easily startled, and the toaster seemed to have made him lose his train of thought.

If not for being Nate’s prison guard in his own home, Nate could’ve genuinely liked him, and while he watched Daniel stare accusingly at his innocent bread, he didn’t know himself why this was such a testimony for it. He was a gentle being, and Nate could not find it in his heart to be anything but kind in return.

“‘Considering my ancestry’-…” he helped him, and saw Daniel look back.

“Considering your ancestry, your genetic strength, I was surprised to find out you had no magical properties.”

The dripping of the machine slowed down and the buzzing sound stopped. Nate got up, took his cup, and sipped from it. The hot coffee burned his tongue.

“What am I supposed to have, Daniel? Wings? Blue blood? Horns? Eyes on my back?”

“At the very least, I expected a basic form of undeveloped telepathy or elemental magic.”

“Elemental?”

“Has there ever been a case where you have started a fire, breathed underwater, changed the earth, or anything else of that kind that I’m unaware of?”

“I can’t say I have, no.”

“Any other unexplainable events?”

“Only one,” Nate said, and when he caught Daniel’s attention, he smiled. “You.”

Just as Daniel had suspected, and the years of watching him had proven, Nate was completely ordinary, and completely unaware of matters outside of his own. That was, until now.

“So I’m not even getting a magic stick out of this?” Nate joked. He took another sip of the scorching hot coffee.

“No,” Daniel replied plainly.

“If I can’t part the sea, then what’s the point,” Nate sighed, and he shook his head. “Sure would have been something if you’d let me jump, and we found out I could fly.”

“And if you couldn’t?”

“It’s a win-win.”

“You shouldn’t talk like that.”

Nate sighed again, putting his cup down. With his melancholic gaze, he watched the black substance. He no longer wanted it, and he’d forgotten about the bread waiting for him in his toaster.

“I’m going back to bed.”


	6. Increasing Doubts pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2
> 
> Nate discovers something that puts a damper on his new friendship with Daniel.  
> Daniel makes a radical decision.

Daniel no longer took the liberty of entering Nate’s bedroom, not even when the latter stayed there well past noon. Sometimes, he peeked inside to make sure he hadn’t stopped breathing, something the often awake Nate simply ignored.

At three, Nate’s stomach demanded to be filled, and reluctantly, he lifted himself from his bed. In the kitchen, he prepared a sandwich and placed it in front of his good chair. Daniel had been sitting silently on his couch, but the minute Nate sat down, he joined him on the other end. Nate glanced up, before leaving the table to open his cabinet, take out a bottle of scotch and fill a glass to the rim. With it, he sat back at the table and started to eat.

“Okay, my turn,” he spoke with a full mouth. “My turn to ask questions. You avoid them, Daniel. This whole thing about watching me so I won’t escape or die, all because I’m so _‘important’_ for what you literally called a _‘war’_ ; all this stuff about how it doesn’t matter what you want. I get it, they’re your orders, but here’s my question: do you believe in orders that, when it comes down to it, are about waiting for bad things to happen instead of trying to prevent them from happening in the first place, all because of something that was said years before you were born?”

“It’s not up to me to-”

“Just,” Nate interrupted him. “Humor me. I answered you, too. Do you believe in this, or not? Don’t answer it for me, answer it for yourself. If you don’t believe in it, why do it?”

Daniel watched the plate with yet another neutral expression Nate found hard to read, but who hoped that his silence meant that Nate’s words were at least being considered.

“Because I have to,” he eventually answered him.

“No, you don’t. I think you’ve just never considered that before.”

Daniel opened his mouth, but caught himself in time. He’d almost admitted that he had, in fact, considered it plenty of times. Something he found acceptable, only if it stayed in his own mind.

“No one’s refused orders since Lucifer and his followers,” he told Nate instead. “I’d be put in the same category for merely suggesting it.”

Nate raised his eyebrows and picked up his drink.

“Sounds a lot like you came from a totalitarian regime, which is – and I shouldn’t have to say this, but – quite bad. Do you believe in blindly following orders? Not even questioning them?”

Daniel hesitated, and he couldn’t say that he did without having to lie. He wished Nate would stop, but simultaneously, it was the most thrilling conversation he’d ever had, and his tongue was itching to speak more of rebellion.

“What about free will?” Nate continued. “Morals, right and wrong, individualism, freedom of speech-”

“None of that was created for me.”

Nate took a large drink and put the glass down. The scotch burned down his throat.

“In a fascist society, oppressed citizens have a right to claim what should be theirs, no matter the tools they choose to use,” he said plainly, as though he spoke of these matters daily.

“Nathan…”

“I’m just saying, Daniel. If you don’t like it – and I think you don’t – change it at your first opportunity. You’re thousands of years old and you’re not at home anymore. You don’t have to do what they say. No progress was ever made by standing still.”

“Why didn’t you try to change what you didn’t like?” Daniel asked, out of simple curiosity.

“I did,” Nate smiled wryly. “I tried to change it by not being alive.”

It was quiet. Neither man looked directly at the other. To distract himself, Nate took another bite of his sandwich, but it felt dry in his mouth. He swallowed it with the alcohol before getting up and throwing the rest of it away.

“Nothing changes when you die,” Daniel finally spoke. “Nothing down here, at least. Only for the people that knew you. I’ve seen that enough to know it’s true.”

“No, but it stops things.”

“Stops what?”

Nate made a vague hand gesture by the side of his head. He took the bottle and filled his glass.

“Nothing, never mind,” he said. “We weren’t talking about me, we were talking about your inability to make your own choices.”

“I do make my own choices.”

“Like what? Name one.”

“I came down here.”

“To fulfil your job, not because you wanted to.”

“Why do you keep pushing this? You judge my beliefs, but condemn me when you believe me to do the same.”

“Huh,” Nate pondered. “Okay, fine. I’m a hypocrite, but this isn’t judgment. I have reluctantly known you for a week. You want to stay here? Fine. You want to get to know me, for whatever reason? Fine. I can tell you’re not a bad guy, but before I’ll consider you to be my friend, I’m gonna need to know that you won’t push me in front of a train if someone upstairs would tell you to.”

“Your… friend?”

Nate finished his glass at once and slammed it on the counter. He grimaced from the taste, and once it had passed down his throat, he turned to Daniel.

“I can use any other word if you prefer it. Acquaintance, Companion, Someone I Know.”

Daniel quickly shook his head. It was true, he really had gained a friend. No one had ever referred to him as one before. Daniel wasn’t sure if he’d ever even reached the status of acquaintance. In fact, no one had been all that interested in him, and they certainly never talked about such personal matters. He received a delight from his conversations with Nate that he could find nowhere else. He enjoyed learning about him, and although Nate’s confronting words questioned his loyalty, for once the topic wasn’t Heaven, humans, angels, demons, or the cause, but his very own opinions and his very own experience. Nate was telling him his thoughts mattered, but no one had ever been interested in what he had to say, much less think, and he found this difficult to comprehend.

Daniel did long for the same freedoms that Nate was able to express without consequence. He did want to make his own choices, live his own life, do whatever he felt was right. There was but one, glaring problem. If he did, if he no longer followed Heaven’s orders, he would be hunted for the rest of his life, which would most likely be far shorter than the time he’d lived so far. Yet, as humans proved to him every day, a short life where one can be true to themselves, outweighed a long life of captivity and oppression. Daniel didn’t know if he was willing to pay the high price that came with desertion, and once you would desert, there was no coming back.

Nate had watched the frozen statue go through his internal crisis, silent and mute, staring at the table in front of them. The clock ticked quietly and another minute passed, but Daniel didn’t move. Miserable, Nate sighed and filled his glass for a third time, before taking it to consume it in his bedroom, unaware of how successful he’d truly been.

 

“You’re very curious, Nathan,” Daniel spoke. It was kind and soft-spoken, yet Nate thought it to have a degrading tone.

“Thanks, I do try to be.”

It was Monday, and they sat on the couch in front of the TV. With adamant determination, Nate had been fixing his eyes on the screen, stubbornly ignoring how Daniel was watching him for over an hour. He’d meant to change the channel twenty minutes ago, but he couldn’t locate the remote, and he didn’t want to start looking.

Daniel saw no harm in it, not realizing just how shamelessly he was watching the man at his side. He was fascinated by the way humans, only so young, could have such a disarming effect on him, forcing him to question his every belief. It wasn’t so much humans, but Nate, that had this effect. He’d experienced more this past week than he had in most of his life, which had been dull and tedious, but most importantly, completely void of meaning. Now he was here, sitting next to this twenty-six year old man with his fawnlike skin that looked unhealthily pale, and his weary eyes, blue as the skies he was so familiar with. His dark brown hair stood in different directions every time and in the evenings featured a chocolate color, while in the current sunlight, it received a bronze glow. He had the colors of driftwood and the seas carrying it away, here for a temporary time only, and it excited Daniel that he was able to see it all up close. The land, the nature, the fauna, the manmade materials, and mankind itself. Coming down was the best decision he’d ever made. Earth was exceptional, it was all so different here. He quite liked it here, and he quite liked Nate.

Nate, however, grew more and more uncomfortable, but lacked the energy to try and stop it. After a while, he decided to look back at Daniel, thinking this confrontation would have him move on to a different activity. Instead, they now watched each other, and Nate was awkwardly drawn to his dark, shining eyes, as the light from his window reflected on them. They stood intriguingly pure, as Daniel was not aware of the discomfort he brought Nate. Nate’s plan of defiance had stopped here, as he knew Daniel would often avoid eye contact. He kept looking, staring into a man’s eyes that weren’t his own. _He was staring._ Nate quickly averted his eyes. A terrible idea, and it hadn’t worked. Daniel was still watching him.

“Go do something else,” he told him.

“Such as?”

Nate shrugged and decided to search for the remote. It had fallen on the ground. He picked it up and turned the TV off.

“That Devil’s prophet, or whatever,” he started. “Are they being watched this closely as well?”

Nate found it hard not to adopt a mocking tone of voice when speaking of any angel business. He hadn’t stopped questioning the reality of it, at certain times still not convinced it was truly happening. Though, he often found himself straight-up accepting anything Daniel told him as truth, and didn’t bother to ask questions about it. Was it laziness? Was it cooperation? Was it his depression? Was it due to his increasing interest? Nate hardly had the energy to find out.

“He’s being watched, but has been unaware of our presence,” Daniel replied, an answer that Nate would think on for several seconds, as it didn’t sit well with him.

“I can’t believe you’re keeping some poor guy around to be used like that,” he said eventually. “That’s just plain wrong.”

“It is what it is.”

“Wrong, is what it is. I would be ashamed of myself, to be honest.”

Daniel turned away from Nate and smiled briefly. He was thrilled that he was about to step into another thought-provoking conversation with this man. He didn’t feel ashamed, he didn’t yet know why he should, but he was about to find out.

“Why?” He asked him.

“Are you not setting him up to die? I assume, or I would hope, that the Devil’s death is the desired outcome here, meaning that whoever his _‘host’_ is will end up dead with him. Yet another brilliant example of free will and a meaningful existence. Good job.”

Daniel’s smile turned wide. Nate hadn’t let him down. He was completely right, and what was even better, Daniel fully believed him to be right. It was an exhilarating experience to him, but Nate didn’t know Daniel’s thoughts, and when he saw his joy, his cheeks started to beam with frustration.

“Is this some kind of joke to you?” He lashed out, and his eyes flared up. “Human deaths?”

Daniel’s smile disappeared and his eyes grew big. He quickly shook his head.

“No.”

“Who is it? His host? He, at the very least, deserves to know what’s gonna happen to him.”

Daniel hesitated. His lips flattened and he stood up, turning away from Nate. This was no longer a conversation he was supposed to have, but he had nothing else to do, and nowhere else to go, so he stayed by the coffee table, facing the ground. Nate also had nothing to do, and nowhere to go, so he pushed himself up and walked around his furniture to meet him.

“What is this? What are you doing?”

Daniel shook his head and took a few steps away, but Nate only followed.

“Are you not supposed to tell me?” Nate asked. “I can’t do anything about it. I’m only going to let him know, give him a fair shot. He probably won’t believe me, but it’s the right thing to do.”

Daniel didn’t speak. Nate bent down, turning his head to a side to force him to see his face.

“Doesn’t he deserve a chance? Don’t ignore this. He’s got no idea what’s coming.”

“That’s not the reason I can’t tell you,” Daniel murmured.

Nate frowned. He didn’t yet know why his heart had started to pound. He had a bad feeling about what was coming.

“Daniel…” he started. “Who is the Devil’s host?”

Unease was showing on Daniel’s face as he looked back at Nate. He knew the answer wouldn’t please him.

“As I mentioned,” he spoke, quieter than before. “It’s in your – to use your own terminology – DNA.”

A delayed realization started to build in Nate’s mind, and he backed away from the angel. His _DNA_ , his _genetics_. Nate knew of only one person who could be sharing this fate, and Daniel’s hesitance confirmed this. He didn’t have much family. There was none on his mother’s side who was alive, or at least, no one he knew of. He had no siblings, and his father had but one sister. A sister who, after she married her husband, only gave birth to one child.

“Jake.”

Daniel nodded, and Nate backed a little further away. _No_. He felt shocked, angry, betrayed, and he didn’t know what had the overhand. He had put so much effort into getting Jake to where he wanted to be. After a fair share of nagging, he’d convinced his parents to take him in when he was only a teenager. Nate had sworn that he never had to go back, and Jake never had, sharing first a room and later an apartment.

Jake, his younger cousin, who’d always dreamed of doing something that really mattered, who was now studying sociology and aimed for a master’s degree. Jake who wanted kids someday, probably with Rachel. Nate didn’t have any of such plans. The closest he’d ever gotten, was when he was helping Jake get enough money for school. In their tiny apartment, about as shabby as this one, both of them were working after Jake finished high school. When Nate’s parents died, he’d given Jake the little money that remained after he’d paid off their debts, and told him it was his share. Things went well, Jake was succeeding without much concern, and he moved in with a classmate closer to his school. After this moment, he’d refused Nate’s help, telling him he’d saved enough money, but Nate knew no such thing existed for a college student living on his own. He continued to pay for everything whenever they’d meet, and always left him something extra, despite Jake’s ongoing protests. Perhaps Jake wanted to make it for himself, prove something to his parents, though Nate had often thought him to feel guilty. For some reason, Jake believed he was holding Nate back. Back from what, from where? Nate never had these kinds of goals or ideas, Jake did, and Nate would have sold both his kidneys if it meant it would’ve put him in college.

Maybe Nate deserved to be used as a host, to be bred and kept alive only to be used as some angel’s coat later. Perhaps it was a strange, twisted type of irony, as he didn’t want to play an active role in his life anyway. But Jake didn’t deserve it.

“I know this is difficult for you,” Daniel spoke, but his words meant nothing to Nate. He couldn’t possibly know, and it had awoken Nate from his thoughts. He charged at Daniel, grabbing him by the blue shirt he’d been wearing ever since Nate knew him. Before Daniel knew what was going on, he felt himself being thrown against the wall. Nate’s arm was pressing on his chest, his weight on his elbow. It hadn’t hurt Daniel, but the shock was big. If he wanted to, he could’ve easily fought Nate off, but he only squirmed underneath his arm.

“Listen to me!” Nate snapped. Their faces stood close together, and the anger was radiating from him, making Daniel highly uncomfortable. This was a large violation of his personal space. “I think I’ve been very patient about being a prisoner in my own home. I’ve definitely been nicer than I had to be, but you just crossed one very big line that I don’t accept. Are you listening? You’re not touching him, Daniel.”

Daniel nodded, as he stood frozen against the wall.

“Please let go of me.”

“Not until you promise, swear it, vow it, whatever it is you people do, that Jake will be safe.”

Helplessly, having no choice in answer, Daniel shook his head, and Nate shoved him again. He grimaced.

“I can’t.”

Nate looked down and rested his head on his own arm. There were tears burning in his eyes that he tried to hold back. Fear shot through him like thunderbolts in his veins, though he let Daniel go, who wasted no time in squirming to the other side of the room. Nate didn’t follow him. He balled his fists and squeezed them so hard, his hands trembled, turning white.

“Get out.”

“Nathan…”

“GET OUT!” Nate screamed. He turned around, seeing Daniel back away towards the kitchen. “GET OUT, AND TAKE YOUR PLANNED WARFARE WITH YOU!”

The angel flinched, bumping into the counter behind him. His sad eyes lingered on Nate until he vanished, leaving him alone in his apartment, facing an empty kitchen. Nate didn’t feel better now that he was alone, but it gave him enough privacy to let silent tears of frustration roll down his cheeks, which he wiped away at once. Just in case anyone was watching, he wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of his pain. They wouldn’t hear him cry.

His stomach was sick, and it didn’t help that his mind had started to envision the different ways that Jake could die if he were to meet his planned fate. He would die, and all their hard work would have been for nothing.

Nate walked to the counter where Daniel had recently stood. A glass in one hand, the bottle in the other, he poured in the liquid until nothing else would fit in.

 

Nate was fast asleep on his arm that spread out over the kitchen table. His dreams were unpleasant and featured Jake in various scenarios of his upcoming demise, each more dreadful than the last. His closed eyelids twitched, and every now and then, he let out a groan. Currently, they were chased down a narrow street by something, or someone, but whenever Nate looked over his shoulder, nothing was there. When he turned back to Jake, his cousin had vanished. Panicked, Nate ran down yet another abandoned street. He called his name, but there was no answer.

“Nathan.”

“Jake!” Nate gasped. He opened his eyes. It was dark, but he could sense someone standing next to him, and for a terrifying moment, he believed it to be the creature from his dreams. While trying to control his heavy breathing, he lifted his head to see who it was. An action he regretted, and after releasing a grunt, he squeezed his eyes shut. The alcohol lay on his stomach and his brain protested at being awake.

“Nathan,” Daniel repeated urgently.

“What?” Nate groaned.

“Are you ill? Do you need me to heal you?”

“Ugh.” Nate waved him away. “What I need, is sleep.”

“You can do that later, get up.”

“Why?”

Daniel sighed impatiently, but he didn’t touch him.

“Stand up, Nathan.”

Dizzy and tired, and with a lot of effort, Nate rose to his feet.

“What’s happening?” He murmured. “What do you want?”

Daniel held out his hand. His palm was up and Nate frowned, automatically taking a step back. He quickly held on to his chair to stay balanced.

“We have no witnesses, and we have little time,” Daniel hushed. “Take my arm.”

Nate hesitated. He didn’t understand what Daniel meant, but after having spent these days together, he found no reason to suspect him of being anything but at most a liar. Warily, he lifted his hand. Daniel stepped forward and held him by his elbow. Nate’s hand cupped around Daniel’s arm on its own.

“I swear,” Daniel started, rushed but formally. “By you, me, our Lord, and our lives, to protect you and Jacob Mason to the best of my ability. In this oath, binding and clear, I vow to do this, or be punished by any way you see fit.”

Daniel let go of Nate’s arm, that hung motionless in the air. He couldn’t believe his ears. Was he still dreaming? This couldn’t be real.

“You…” he stammered. “You- what?”

“There’s no time. We need to leave. Get your essentials.”

Suddenly, Nate felt wide awake. Hope fluttered in his stomach and rushed through his brain. This was really happening.

“We need to leave right away, Nathan,” Daniel repeated. “Any objects can be replaced. Are you ready like this?”

Nate nodded, but something dawned to him. After signaling Daniel to wait, he ran to his bedroom, walking into the walls in his hurry. From inside his nightstand, he took a photograph. A picture of his parents with Jake, celebrating Jake’s eighteenth birthday, and the last year they were all together. Nate had taken it with his Polaroid, and of himself, only one eye and part of his hair was visible from the right corner, as he had tried to get them all together. Nate folded the photo through the already existing crack and put it in his pocket. Daniel had followed him, but Nate ran past him again. He took the Jane Eyre copy from his bookshelf, opened the laundry bag with money, and tossed it in. He put two firm knots in the bag and stood back up, holding the tip in one hand.

“I’m ready, how does this work?” He asked excitedly.

“Like this.”

Daniel had appeared next to him and placed his hand on Nate’s shoulder, gripping it tight, and Nate would soon experience something he never had before. The living room expanded and turned. It was hard to tell whether it became bigger or smaller, but it was flatter and stretched out until the room was no longer visible. A whirlpool pulled at every piece of skin on his body and just as Nate wanted to scream, it was over. It hadn’t lasted for longer than a few seconds, a minute at most, but with how intensely unpleasant it was, you wouldn’t be able to tell. Now, they no longer stood in Nate’s apartment, but on soft, springy grass.

“Holy shit!” Nate wailed. His stomach tightened, and he emptied its content on the grass in front of him.

“Do you need help?”

Nate rested on his knees, gasping for air with a sour taste in his mouth. He glanced up to the concerning eyes of the angel.

“I don’t ever want to do that again,” he breathed.

Daniel placed a hand on his back. Nate felt warm from where he was touched, and it spread through his body. It took away his nausea and cleared his head. He even believed it filled his stomach, and this time, he felt no need to throw it back out. He stood up, refreshed, healthy even, and Daniel was featuring a light, boastful smile.

“That was the first time I’ve ever healed someone,” he said, and he took a pen from the front pocket of his jeans. He tried to write on his hand, but when he found that it didn’t work, he inspected it closely and clicked the end. Then, he tried it again, scribbling something on his palm. “I’ve secured the area. I shall now perform a spell on you.”

“A spell?” Nate asked unsurely, though nothing short of intrigued. “What kind of-”

Daniel had placed his flat hand on Nate’s forehead, and for a second that felt like another eternity, like a visit to a different world, Nate felt something shooting through his body. He could feel the sharp edges, the shape of his bones, which was more than a little alarming to him, as one simply never should. And while it definitely hurt in a way he didn’t know how to place, the bizarreness of the whole thing had the strong overhand. A second, this time not longer, until Daniel removed his hand.

“Protection,” Daniel said, answering a question Nate had forgotten he’d asked. “You should be untraceable now.”

When Daniel’s blurry image came back into focus, Nate realized he’d stopped to see. In disbelief, he shook his head and took a better look at Daniel’s hand. The scribble was some kind of rune, a sign. A sigil? Two half-circles that didn’t connect, each starting from the circle and moving out in a straight line before able to touch the other. Sideways, it was crossed out. Nate wondered if this was to be used by Angels exclusively. If he drew this sign, could he do something too?

“Thank you,” he told Daniel, and he decided not to ask further. He’d come to trust him, and even if he hadn’t, he wasn’t sure if he would understand his explanation.

“It is invisible to the eye and easier than amulets,” Daniel explained either way. “You will not be easy to locate. A spell, much like this one, lies on the house as well.”

In the dark, Nate only now noticed the wooden cabin that was but a few feet away. It looked old but durable, and most of all, it looked abandoned.

“If you tell me the address of Jacob Mason, I shall pick him up,” Daniel continued.

If Nate hadn’t personally witnessed Daniel’s aversion to being touched, he would’ve surely jumped into his arms from where he stood.

 


	7. Off The Grid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'd taken a short break from posting as I wanted to rewrite my chapters to have them look less like a draft, but instead I just kept writing further opposed to looking back so here it is anyway! I hope that you like it and if you do, there's plenty more to come!

“Holy shit!” Jake shouted.

Nate was sitting on one of the only two steps leading to the cabin while resting with his cheeks on his fists. His head was spinning once again and his eyes were closed, as he had stopped to feel the effects of Daniel’s power. Once he heard his cousin, he jumped up from his wooden seat and paused, waiting for his nausea to ease.

Jake had arrived in much of the same way as he had: out of thin air. He’d pushed Daniel’s hand away and tried to walk, but stumbled instantly and tripped over a pebble. Clearly, Jake had enjoyed the ride just as much as Nate had. In time, Nate caught him before he had the chance to fall to the ground.

“Steady there,” he said, and at the sound of his voice, Jake’s head jerked up.

“Nate!”

Jake embraced him in a moment’s time, on instinct and out of fright. Nate smiled and rubbed his back reassuringly. He knew exactly how spooked he must be.

“It’s good to see you, Jake.”

“Who is that?” Jake whispered in his ear, the fear echoing through his voice. He looked over his shoulder at Daniel and was startled to see him looking back. While choking on his spit, he started to cough.

Nate let go to give him some space and looked questioningly at his new friend, wondering what he’d shared so far. Friend? Yes, he was. Undoubtedly, after Daniel’s unexpected show of loyalty, Nate would offer him the same.

“This is Daniel. He showed up one day and hasn’t left me alone since,” he said in jest.

“I have given you plenty of space and privacy,” Daniel protested.

“You have been breathing down my neck for days,” Nate replied, feeling the need to point out what was only the truth.

“I haven’t done that,” his friend insisted, and eyed Jake at his side. “I’ve told him who and what I am, he did not believe me. You should continue this conversation inside the house.”

Daniel lifted his hand to Jake’s forehead, and before Nate could tell him to wait, Jake screamed in surprise. Nate hadn’t thought it to hurt that much, but the spell had come without a warning. Jake pulled away from both Daniel and Nate and watched them with wild eyes.

“WHAT IS GOING ON?”

Daniel flinched away and tightened his frown before casting Nate a condemning look. Nate didn’t know if he was to be responsible for his cousin’s response, because if so, he had news for him. Jake was more stubborn than he’d ever be.

Nate stepped forward, gaining Jake’s attention and raising his hands to him, smiling to put him at ease.

“We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

 

Deep down, Nate knew he would have agreed to the plans of the High Angels. Just to make a point, he would have complained, he would have protested, but in the end, he wouldn’t have fought it. Despite his anger and frustration, he knew he wouldn’t have found the energy to do anything about it, and he wasn’t sure if he would have even tried. But as the nervous Jake was now sitting on the dirty couch of the old cabin, pushing his rectangular glasses up his nose, he reminded Nate of the day when Jake had shown up on the steps of his parents’ house with a travel bag too large for him to carry. Though never that tall to begin with, he looked smaller than he really was due to him portraying a rare shyness and insecurity, unsure of whether he belonged here. Just like that day, he was looking to Nate for guidance, and just like that day, Nate wouldn’t let him down. Heaven and all of its men couldn’t drag him away. They wouldn’t have him.

 

It was clear that no one had recently been living in this cabin. Mold had formed around them in the cracks of the walls. Bits of grass was growing through the wooden boards. Every now and then, you could hear the sound of mice, but they couldn’t detect where it was coming from. They didn’t know if it was safe to sit on this couch. They could barely see a thing, but they could feel it was dusty, and Nate’s hand brushed over a spider’s web in the corner.

“You’re not serious,” Jake responded to Nate’s explanation with great disbelief. “Really, you’re kidding me, right?”

“That’s what I said, too,” Nate replied.

“But… you’re an atheist,” Jake said.

“That’s also what I said.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Daniel sighed. It had bored him to listen to a summary of events he had already witnessed.

Nate pointed up at him.

“And that’s what he said.”

Jake laughed; honest and light-hearted. Nate was relieved to see it.

“Okay, let’s say I believe this and he’s an… _‘angel’_. And you’re… something else. And you escaped, and so far I get all of that, but why am _I_ here?”

“And here I thought you wanted to hang out more,” Nate said, shaking his head in feigned disappointment.

“You’re here, because you-” Daniel started.

“Are in danger as well,” Nate added quickly. “You’re in danger, because you’re too close to me. We’re just trying to protect you.”

“Oh, of course,” Jake sighed, and he nodded. “Makes sense. I was afraid you were gonna tell me I was secretly an alien from outer space or something.”

Nate could feel Daniel’s eyes on him. He looked up, trying to silently communicate not to tell Jake the truth. Daniel didn’t seem to understand. With a confused frown, he looked from him to Jake, and back to him.

“Nathan, can we talk?” He asked.

“Yes, yes,” Nate said, worried that Daniel was about to expose him. He patted Jake’s knee and smiled. “I’ll be right back.”

 

“Are we lying to him?” Daniel asked Nate from the walk-in kitchen on the end of the room. Together with the living room, it seemed to take in half the space of the cabin’s ground floor.

“Shhh!”

Nate peaked around the corner, but Jake hadn’t moved. He pulled back and pushed Daniel through the door to the corridor, or at least he thought that’s what it was. It was so dark, he could barely see Daniel in front of him.

“Keep your voice down,” he whispered, causing Daniel to stay quiet for a few seconds.

“But why did you-” he then started with the same volume as before, and was interrupted when Nate quickly put his hand on his mouth to shut him up. Daniel’s eyes widened, but he didn’t move.

“I don’t want him to know what he doesn’t have to. Do you understand?”

He removed his hand. After a moment, Daniel leaned in.

“Yesterday,” he whispered, mimicking Nate’s volume. “You told me the Host of Devils had the right to know about his fate. No, I don’t understand.”

Nate bit his lip. Daniel was right, he’d said that, but things were so different now. He hadn’t yet known that the second prophet was Jake.

“I know what I said, but I’m asking you please not to tell him. Not about his involvement in any of this, not yet anyway. But more importantly, Daniel, please don’t-” He took a moment to find the right words, and breathed in deep. “Please don’t tell him about the _circumstances_ under which we met. Should he ask, just tell him you came to Earth, yeah?”

Daniel stayed silent. He didn’t like secrets, and he didn’t like to lie. He’d believed that, after his oath, he would no longer have to, but he’d promised to follow Nate’s lead and keep him safe, and so, he nodded.

“I won’t tell him,” he promised.

Relieved, Nate sighed.

“Thank you,” he said, and started his return to the kitchen. Before he left through the door, he changed his mind and turned back. “Thanks for doing this, Daniel. For all of it. I know it must have been a hard choice to make, and I honestly can’t believe you made it. I wasn’t nice to you, yet you still did this. I really owe you, if I’d ever be able to help. I mean, I think we can all agree that I’m pretty useless, but I’ll have your back.”

After a dorky smile to ease a tension only he felt, Nate left to join Jake. Daniel didn’t move. In all his years, no one had ever had anything kind to say to him, and they surely hadn’t thanked him this sincerely before. Nate had become the receiver of not just his empathy, but his affection, and he followed him to the living room.

“Everything alright?” Jake asked them.

“Oh yeah, sure,” Nate reassured him.

Daniel thought hard about what to say next. He didn’t want to break his promise to Nate and possibly ruin the bond that was developing between them: his first ever friendship. He thought so hard, he didn’t notice that Nate watched him undergo what was nothing short of a personal crisis, worried all the same that Daniel wouldn’t be able to keep a secret. But before either of them could speak, Jake opened his mouth.

“Not to be ungrateful,” he started. “But this is a real dump.”

“Hey, it’s better than nothing! At least we’re safe,” Nate snapped back. He turned to Daniel and whispered: “We’re safe, right?”

Quick to reassure him, Daniel nodded.

“That’s why I started with: _‘not to be ungrateful’_.”

“Just because you said that, doesn’t mean it can’t still be followed by something ungrateful,” Nate said, but while he wanted to show Daniel a little more appreciation than this, the angel jumped in the conversation, finding his chance to be useful.

“What do you need?”

Nate pressed his lips together and thought. What didn’t they need?

“Beds,” Jake said plainly.

“Some sleeping bags and pillows could work too,” Nate proposed.

“Electricity. It’s really dark.”

“Or candles?”

“I’d rather have electricity, don’t you?”

“I do. You think this place comes with a generator?”

“If it still works. It might need to be refueled, but we’ll have to wait till the sun comes up.”

“Yes, and what’s equally important, if not more, is food and water.”

“True, but also: how’s the plumbing of this house? Like, does it work?”

The many answers overwhelmed Daniel, leaving him at a loss for words. He looked from Jake to Nate. He had no knowledge of generators or plumbing, or even electricity. A moment later, Jake continued.

“Can we never leave?”

Gratefully, Daniel took the opportunity to reply to a question he knew the answer to.

“You can, but I don’t advise it. They can’t easily find you after I marked you, but it’s safest inside the house where the protection is at its strongest.”

“I’m sorry, hold up, _‘easily’_?” Jake looked at Nate. “So they COULD find us?”

Daniel hesitated.

“It could happen,” he admitted. “For angels who have descended and are walking on Earth, it is near impossible to do so, as it can already prove difficult to track regular humans they haven’t previously met. In Heaven, it is easier to locate people. This, I have now made impossible as well, but that doesn’t mean you’re invisible. Once you go out, you could still be spotted merely by coincidence. There are certain places and people I would avoid, known spots that are being watched. But the house itself is safe, as is the area, unless they know precisely where to look. It cannot be seen from above.”

“And whose house is this?” Jake’s questions became increasingly more hostile. “Does anyone know where to look?”

“A man who died long before you stepped foot in here. I’ve seen him spent the remainder of his life in this house. After his death, no one had claimed it. I hoped it to still be abandoned, and it was.”

“ _Hoped?”_

“Give him a break, Jake. He’s trying,” Nate intervened.

“Okay, you’re right,” Jake sighed. “We still need new stuff, though, and furniture and generators don’t come cheap. How are we gonna pay for all that?”

Nate grinned. He walked over to the wall where he’d left his laundry bag, and opened it.

“Like this,” he said, and tossed a pack of a thousand dollars on Jake’s lap.

 


	8. A New Life

 

“So, demons?”

“Yes.”

“And ghosts?”

“Yes.”

“What about all that other stuff? What about vampires?”

“Yes.”

Jake laughed in disbelief.

“That’s all real? Seriously?”

Daniel nodded and glanced at Nate, who’d been sitting quietly with them at their new kitchen table and sipped regularly from his instant coffee. Last night, with only few hours to spare till morning, they’d decided to wait for sunrise before taking action. In the first light of dawn, they’d gone outside to find a source of how the previous owner was getting his electricity. Sheltered by a rotting wooden roof, they found a power generator that ran on gasoline. After a few tries, they hadn’t been able to get it to work. Jake and Nate hoped it had just ran out of gas, and when Daniel returned with new fuel, they were proven right. It solved part of their problem and was certainly no small victory, yet much still needed to be done.

Additionally, after going back inside, they’d found a propane tank in the kitchen that the owner had been using for cooking and to heat the cabin with. Likely, it was to save on gasoline. A good call, and one they were more than happy to continue with, despite both not knowing how to refill it.

After a quick inspection of their new home in both the sun and light from the old light bulbs, while having sent Daniel away to fetch them some paper and a pen, they’d made a list of all the things they needed replaced. Some things could easily be fixed or cleaned, but certain objects were beyond saving, or just not worth the trouble.

The next couple hours, Daniel came in, and out, and in, and out, until he himself had had enough. They’d requested he’d first get them the necessary cleaning products, and every time he returned, the cabin looked a little better.

Once Daniel put two large bags of food and clothes next to the new table, he sat down, not willing to continue. Apart from a specific grocery list and their clothing sizes, he’d simply dropped whatever he could find in the bags until they were full. Nate had specifically requested coffee, and after checking the water from their kitchen tab, he’d boiled it in their new electric kettle and drank it at the table, where Jake had started his conversation with Daniel.

Nate hadn’t been listening. He hadn’t gotten enough sleep last night, and while Jake had taken a one hour nap after their new couch arrived, Nate had slept for no more than ten minutes in the chair. It had been short, but not uneventful, and he now had his mind on a dream he believed he’d had. It bothered him, but he didn’t know why. It hadn’t been about anything in particular. He’d just felt a strong feeling of unrest, and couldn’t shake how it felt as if someone was watching him; or tried to, at least. He guessed that, with everything that had happened, it was only normal. He was still cranky from waking up so fast after the alcohol he’d consumed the night before. The coffee would help. He drank from his cup and narrowed his eyes against the sun that was stubbornly trying to shine through the trees of the surrounding forest. Outside, the birds were going about their daily routines, undisturbed by the new presence inside this little house.

“What about magic?” Jake continued. He took a bite from the sandwich he’d made with their newly acquired food. He’d been starving, but had taken the time to make one for Nate, who hadn’t yet touched it. “You’re supposed to be a bit of a miracle worker yourself, aren’t you?”

“My training included basic practice, only. Guardians receive more training in this particular field. My knowledge of runes is minimal.”

 “It’s like every answer only creates more questions,” Jake replied, his mouth still full. He took a moment to chew and swallow, before continuing. “What the hell are Guardians?”

“In the beginning, thousands of years ago, there were but a few. Michael, Lucifer, Raphael, and Gabriel, were the highest among them. It was a peaceful time, but when mankind was created, several angels led by Lucifer defied God and were sent to Hell. It was then when more angels came to exist and took on certain roles that had been chosen for them. This included watching over the humans, but many others served as Guardians and Soldiers. A thousand years later, the human population grew exponentially and thus angels had to as well. 4,500 years ago, the youngest of us came to be, me included. By now, it had been decided that Earth was not our place to be, so we served as Watchers only. Only our Guardians and Soldiers would receive the luxury of being sent on missions. To fight evil, to secure the human race, to fulfil a prophecy, or any other reason they were chosen for.”

During Daniel’s explanation, Jake and Nate listened attentively, their eyes fixed on him. It made Daniel uncomfortable and he turned his own to the wall where the wallpaper was hanging loosely halfway down. The previous owner had attempted to make the place look nice with flowery print, but had given up after one wall. Now, it only drew attention to the cabin’s wear and tear.

“Of course, Lucifer has been on Earth many times before,” Daniel continued. “As well as his followers, who became devils; the first of the demon race. Every time, one way or another, he has been sent back. He would become weakened by his host, or it was by ways of spells, and eventually, he would be struck down by the Soldiers of Heaven. He usually only spends a few years on Earth, often even shorter, but the damage he does is great. Especially if he finds a way to release his devils and Horsemen. This is why the upcoming war is so important to the High Angels, as it’s foretold that it will defeat Lucifer once and for all.”

To Nate, it all felt rehearsed. It reminded him of the presentations he had to do in high school, topics he didn’t care for as he had no personal connection to them. As old as 4,500 years was, Daniel was too young to have witnessed any of what he spoke of, and like Nate, he shared a similar indifference.

“Why did you go against it, if it’s all so important?” He asked Daniel. He didn’t want to tempt fate, but he couldn’t help himself. He was afraid that Daniel might wake up one day and change his mind again, and they would be dropped off on Heaven’s doorstep. ‘Wake up’, does he even sleep?

But now that he was sure that no one would be listening, Daniel didn’t hesitate for a second.

“I believe that, just because we were put on a path that was foretold a long time ago, doesn’t mean we should follow it. My creation was God’s last deed, he hasn’t been seen since, and I’d rather follow my initial purpose that is your protection, than whatever it is my kind tells me, with only a prophecy as their justification.”

Daniel had never before spoken so freely and so earnestly. It was thrilling and terrifying all at once. He looked to Nate for a response. Nate, happily surprised, raised his eyebrows and smiled at him. It reassured them both.

Jake took a bite from his _‘I don’t care what type of bread, Daniel, just pick one’_ sandwich and took out his phone.

“Hey, we’re really close to a town,” he mumbled a moment later.

“What?” Nate asked. He took his eyes off Daniel to look at Jake. When he saw his phone, he punched his arm.

“Ouch!” Jake yelled. “What did you do that for?”

“Really? We’re in hiding and you’re using Google Maps?”

“What, they’re gonna track my phone? Like they’ll know how to use one?”

“Well,” Nate started, but didn’t finish. Jake had a point. He couldn’t picture Daniel behind a computer, let alone hacking a cellphone or their GPS.

“Here.” Jake tossed his phone at Daniel, who caught it just in time and held it awkwardly with both hands. Tentatively, he watched it, before looking to Jake for instructions. “Find out where we are.”

“I know where we are, I brought you here.”

“Yes, yes, but find it on there,” Jake said, pointing at his phone.

Daniel turned it over and studied both sides. He now held it with its screen up as he’d seen Jake do before him. He waited patiently for something to happen.

“You have to turn the screen on,” Nate whispered, leaning in.

“Don’t help him, that’s the whole point!” Jake argued.

Daniel didn’t know how to turn the screen on. After further inspection, he noticed that there were a few buttons on the sides. He tried each one out until the screen omitted its light, informing him of the time and date. He now realized that he was holding the phone upside down, but before he got the chance to turn it, the screen was dark again. Daniel looked helplessly at Nate.

“At least give him the password,” Nate said to Jake.

“I think we can all admit it’s not gonna happen,” Jake replied smugly while fixing his glasses up his nose. He reached over the table and grabbed his phone back, startling Daniel. “Anyway, back to the real topic at hand. There’s a town nearby.”

“So what?”

“So, let’s go there!”

“Don’t you know the meaning of the words: _we’re in hiding_?”

“We can’t stay here for the rest of our lives, Nate. That’s just not gonna work.”

“We haven’t been here for a full day!”

“Daniel said we’re safe. He made us untraceable and put us in a safe location. They can’t see us, can they, Daniel? You said so.”

“Um,” Daniel replied. Unsure of himself, he held his own hands and looked from Nate to Jake in an attempt to keep up with their fast-spoken argument. The town wasn’t a particularly interesting one, but when Daniel had said he’d put them in a safe area, he’d mostly meant the forest surrounding the cabin.

“He said so, Nate,” Jake continued, and turned back to Nate after his backup failed.

“Just how old are you again? I forget sometimes.”

Jake laughed. He didn’t actually mind if they went or not. Having these talks with Nate was familiar and felt normal, like the time they were roommates. Jake had missed their small fights over nothing. He’d missed Nate in general, and as he saw his cousin sigh and throw his hands up, Jake knew he’d won.

“If we go,” Nate started. “Will you, at the very least, turn the location off on your phone?”

Jake nodded eagerly and stood up with his half-eaten cheese sandwich, ready to leave. Nate took a quick bite to settle his stomach, but left the rest on the plate.

“Nathan, I really don’t think-” Daniel said, but his words were ignored when Nate stood up, slower and less enthusiastic than Jake.

“One hour, Jake.”

“Sure, whatever,” Jake said.

Nate took his wallet and phone and glanced back at Daniel, who’d decided to stand up with them.

“I should come with you,” he said, but Nate shook his head.

“Listen, I’ve seen how you behave in stores. We’ll stand out less if you’re not there.”

Nate had wanted to say more, but his words were met by a frustrated frown, so he quickly left the room with his cousin.

“Thank God he’s not coming,” Jake murmured on their way out.

“He’s trying to help us, Jake,” Nate quietly snapped back. “Don’t bully him like that with your phone. It’s not fair.”

Jake turned red and watched his feet for a few minutes while they walked down a small path through the trees, leading to a long gravel road.

 

Through their leisurely stroll, it took them exactly twenty minutes on the gravel road to reach the edge of Haywick, where the forest had made room for a field that connected the two. They passed a large house with a steel, open gate and tall, thick wooden walls. The black door was as uninviting as the cold-looking steps that led to it, and they felt an eeriness when they got closer. It was as if the house told them to stay away, so that’s what they did. In their passing, they shared a look saying more than words ever could.

After a minute, the first regular houses started, and soon their views were blocked entirely by brick and cement, but there continued to be an absence of any sign of life.

“I miss the city,” Jake complained, and pulled the collar of his new jacket up, that was at least one size too big.

 

The center was bigger than they’d expected from such a dead-looking town, and took over ten minutes to reach. There weren’t many familiar stores, but they surrounded a deep, modest lake and garden that gave the town its character.

Jake threw a rock in the lake. It fell flat on the surface and the water gushed up around it. Nearby ducks quacked and flew away, condemning him for being so inconsiderate.

“Sorry,” he said.

Nate was looking at the shops. He’d already spotted three bars, one of which was open, but he knew it was too early to ask Jake to go there. But a moment later, Jake turned away from the lake and joined him.

“Oh my god, is that bar open?” He asked.

“Looks like it.”

“Come on then, I can use a drink.”

Nate answered with a casual shrug, but on the inside he was craving that drink more than anything.

 

The bar looked old and worn down. The windows were small and the tables looked like they’d been there for decades. The owner of The Greyhound probably hoped for it to be part of the charm, but it gave the whole place a depressing glow. _Fitting for day drinking_ , Nate thought.

Jake ordered two large beers and paid for it. Nate bit his lip. Even though they were no longer poor, he’d much rather be the one to pay for anything his little cousin needed, than see him spend a single dime on him. He checked his wallet. Thanks to Daniel, it was now fuller than he’d seen it be in a long time. The next drink was on him.

They sat down in the far end corner so no one could hear them speak. From this point, they could easily spot anyone entering the bar without themselves being noticed at all. Nate wondered if Jake had purposely picked this spot. He must have been taking this more seriously than he thought.

“Cheers,” Jake said, and he lifted his glass before bringing it to his mouth. He gulped down a quarter of his beer.

“Slow down,” Nate laughed, before taking a large drink himself.

“Look,” Jake started. He slammed his glass on the table, and his voice was no longer as lighthearted as it had previously been. Nate slowly put his beer down. “I don’t know how you’re staying so calm about all of this and if I should believe it or not, but Nate, I’m freaking out.”

“I know.”

“I’m serious, Nate. Everything Daniel told us? Heaven’s plan, or whatever? We don’t know anything about him. I wouldn’t have believed a word of it if he hadn’t made me teleport, of all things. _Teleport_ , Nate.”

“I know.”

“And you! You’re a-… I can’t even say it, it’s ridiculous!”

“I know.”

“Stop saying that,” Jake muttered in annoyance, and he took another drink with Nate joining him. He looked around before leaning in close and bringing his voice down to a whisper. “What if it’s a trick?”

Nate raised his eyebrows.

“How?”

Jake shrugged and leaned back.

“I don’t know. I’m just saying, maybe we shouldn’t go back.”

“Wait.” Nate put his beer down. “You’re saying we should leave? Right now?”

“Well, not right now,” Jake smirked sheepishly. “I haven’t finished my beer yet.”

Now, it was Nate who lowered his voice and leaned in over the sticky table.

“Jake,” he started. Jake’s eyes were fixed on his. “All Daniel has done so far, is help us. I asked him to get you, he did. He didn’t have to do that, or any of it, but he did. He’s probably putting his life on the line for us. We can’t just run away.”

Jake’s eyes dropped. He turned his glass in his hands.

“I just don’t want anything to happen to you,” he murmured. “I don’t want to have to lose you, too.”

Nate watched him quietly. His hair had grown since the last time he’d seen him. Its dirty blonde, almost brown locks were layered and longer than Nate’s, but nowhere near as long as Daniel’s. It was also thicker than Nate’s and slightly wavy, parted on the left with a few locks springing away and resting against his forehead. Paired with his clean-shaven face and the thin, black frames of his glasses, it gave him a youthful look, and not at all like the twenty-two years he really was. He was a shade whiter than Nate, similar to his parents, while Nate had taken more after his own mother. You would not quickly take them for family, and they were closer than cousins. Nate knew that the loss of his parents wasn’t just his own. They’d been parents to them both, and their deaths had hurt Jake as much as it had Nate. Nate reached for Jake’s wrist and squeezed it gently.

“You won’t. That won’t happen.”

Jake’s thin lips twitched when he swallowed, before casting his emerald green eyes up at him. He smiled at Nate, who returned it widely to lighten to mood and raised his glass.

“We’re too sober for this.”

 

In a matter of minutes, they finished two more beers. Jake put his empty glass by the others at the end of the table.

“I just can’t believe this, Nate,” he sighed, but Nate simply nodded. Jake had already said this two times before, but that wouldn’t stop him from saying it again. “I mean, really. I know he said it was fine or something, but does he know _just_ how much of an atheist you are?”

“Hey, so are you.”

“Oh no, not like you. You’re the one who’s so outspoken about it, even when I was still tiny myself. Hell, I was never THAT certain. I guess I’m more agnostic, but you really believed a 100% in nothing at all. Your parents always let you make those choices for yourself so you’d eventually pick a faith, but I remember that when your mom wanted to call your unofficial bar mitzvah just a _‘coming of age’_ party, you still said no.”

“Who’s the fool now?” Nate said, and he managed a smile. “Can you believe how stupid I was?”

“When did you stop?” Jake joked, but was quickly punished by Nate’s fist that landed against his shoulder.

“Be nice!” Nate laughed, and Jake grinned in return.

“To be honest, I think your parents weren’t expecting you to pick neither. But they did give up when you called off your birthday out of principle.”

“I was so damn stubborn. Dad never talked much about being Christian, and I didn’t have to practice either one after I told them so many times that I didn’t want to pray or go to the church or synagogue, that we didn’t go all that much to anyway, apart from holidays. I didn’t understand why that party was so important to mom, cause I hadn’t done any other rituals so far. She wanted me to celebrate it exactly how I wanted, just put another meaning behind it, and I still said no.”

“I never really understood why you did. It was just a birthday.”

“Like I said, I was stupid.”

“You were thirteen.”

“Those can coexist.”

Nate did know why he’d cancelled it. When he’d found out at a young age what the real reason had been for his grandparents to come to America, and why he didn’t know any other relatives on his mother’s side, he’d been horrified. He’d snuck into the history section of the library and got as many books on the Second World War as he could carry at a time, taking them to a quiet corner so no one would bother him. He was so small, he could only reach for the bottom rows, and some books were so heavy he had to carry them one by one. Many written words sounded foreign to him, but there were pictures that left nothing to the imagination. An hour later, the librarian had found him crying over an open book, and he’d ran outside so she wouldn’t call his parents.

It was a reality that wasn’t meant for such young eyes to see, and had it not been for an overheard conversation, he would’ve probably learned about this in a more appropriate setting. Instead, if he had been sure about one thing since then, it’s that there was no such thing as a God, miracles, or higher power. If there was, they would’ve never allowed this to happen. If his grandparents had undergone all this suffering, then truly, no one was looking out for them, and if they were, they weren’t worth praying to. Culturally, he was proud of his Jewish heritage, but religiously, he didn’t believe in anything at all, and therefore rejected it altogether. Even if there was any truth to faith at all, the monotheist Abrahamic religions weren’t it. Had Daniel been non-biblical, Nate would’ve had less of a problem with it. Even if Zeus himself had come down surfing on a bolt of lightning, Nate would have been less shocked.

Throughout the years, with every new war, tragedy, and self-discovery, Nate’s resentment towards the suggested existence of a God only grew. When he was older, he found out that his grandparents lost a total of three parents, five siblings, and four cousins. The parent they hadn’t lost to war, had already died three years earlier. Of some of these family members, they never knew for certain what had happened to them, they just knew they were no longer alive. In the years that Nate had known his grandparents, they’d never spoken of the war or their relatives, and Nate didn’t dare to ask.

His parents had never found out that his adamant rejection to expressing a religion had been out of outrage for what his grandparents had gone through, and Nate hadn’t realized until it was too late that his birthday party wasn’t to secretly trick him into a faith yet again, but to respect what his then late grandparents did believe in. They’d only been gone just over a year, with four months apart. On the evening of the day after his birthday, he’d seen his parents in an embrace and had heard his mother talk about how she’d tried to push his party, because her parents would’ve loved to see Nate’s bar mitzvah no matter how unofficial. She hated how he now didn’t celebrate it at all. Nate had felt so ashamed, it took him five days to find the courage to apologize to her, but as soon as he tried, his mother had interrupted him to tell him it had been her own fault, that she shouldn’t have tried to make him do something he didn’t want. Nate’s shame only grew, and he never spoke of it again.

Now that the existence of angels was confirmed after all, he had no other choice than to feel even worse as he bitterly recalled just how steadfast he’d rejected a religious upbringing.

“Well, guess we’re not atheists anymore,” Nate sighed.

“Guess so.”

Nate didn’t know how to continue this conversation. He looked up at the different bottles on the shelves behind the bar, and turned back to Jake.

“Shots?”  


In front of them stood a line of five shot glasses each, containing tequila. Two of each were already empty and turned upside down. Jake was leaning on the table with his cheek on his fist. From their corner, he stared at the open space.

“This bar is really ugly,” he murmured. He snickered and dropped his head on his arm, laughing.

“You’re such a lightweight,” Nate laughed. “Unbelievable.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jake replied, muffled by his sleeve.

“Listen, I’ve been thinking,” Nate started. He quickly grabbed one of Jake’s shot glasses and finished it before putting it back down. He felt the liquid burn in his throat and took a deep breath. “You think we should bring Rachel here?”

“What?” With some effort, Jake looked up at him. “No.”

“It’s not safe for her to be alone.”

“No, it’s just… that’s really not necessary.”

“Why not?”

“She-… We broke up.”

“You broke up?”

Jake and Rachel had been together since his third week in college, when she was in her second year. Nate knew that it had been serious between them and that Jake had often thought about moving in together, though he never did ask. He’d wanted to wait until both of them were done with school on the absurd notion that he didn’t want that step to be made out of a necessity to save money, something Nate made sure to tell him was stupid and stubborn.

“Apparently, she wanted to focus on her _‘career’_ ,” Jake replied. After he’d already stopped talking, he lifted his hands to make the air quotes with his fingers. “I mean, that’s what she told me. I do think it’s true, but it’s not the reason. I think… we both just didn’t feel it anymore. It’s not anyone’s fault.”

“When did this happen?”

“Um… About two months ago, end November.”

“November? And you didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t want to tell you over the phone.”

“We celebrated Christmas together!”

“I didn’t want to tell you then, either.”

Jake watched the bottom of the glass Nate finished, avoiding Nate’s eyes. The truth was that he’d still believed them to get back together. He thought he and Rachel just needed a short break, let everything sink in, and come back stronger than ever. It wasn’t until earlier this month, that he realized Rachel had no intention of getting back together at all. Still, he hadn’t told Nate, hoping to avoid this exact conversation.

Nate shook his head and looked the other way. He decided to drop it, understanding full well not wanting to talk about something. It would be hypocritical of him to not expect secrets between them, if he was keeping them himself.

“We should probably go, don’t you think?” Jake asked.

“Yeah, hold on,” Nate responded, and in the next minute, he finished the remaining shots on their table.

 


	9. Dreams, Dreams, Dreams pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate receives an unwelcome visitor and is faced with an impossible choice.

 

“Nathan,” a distant voice called him. Its tone was uncaring and condescending, and echoed all around, far away and at the same time right next to him. He didn’t know where he was, nor did he know where the voice was coming from. It was too dark to tell.

“Nathan,” the voice continued.

Nate kept turning to discover its source, but all he saw were the lurking shadows, crawling deceptively in the otherwise dead space.

“Where are you!” He yelled.

The voice laughed, mocking him with his presence.

“Nathan,” it sang, and Nate opened his mouth to scream, to tell it to reveal itself, to–

“Nathan?” A different voice spoke close-by.

Something pressed sharply in the shoulder of the asleep Nate. He grunted and waved it away, only for it to happen again.

“What?” He muttered. He slowly opened his eyes and looked straight into another pair. They were dark and familiar, but stood stern and condemning. Nate’s own opened wide and he pulled his head back, immediately followed by a long groan. He felt sick.

“Three hours and twenty minutes,” Daniel said plainly.

If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was simply informing Nate of the passage of time. However, Nate knew better by now. He recognized the hidden resentment in his voice. More importantly, he could see it in his eyes. It hadn’t been a nice view to wake up to, especially not in the state he was in.

“What?” Nate asked again.

“You were gone for three hours and twenty minutes.”

Nate briefly rubbed his face, before glancing at the couch. The room was spinning in front of him. Jake was still fast asleep on top of the couch, snoring lightly. Nate had been resting in the armchair. Slowly, he started to remember what had happened. Regretfully, he shut his eyes. He’d gone a little overboard in Jake’s presence, to whom he usually tried to hide his excessive drinking from. How many shots did he have? He hadn’t just finished his own, he’d finished Jake’s as well, thrown together in a largely empty stomach on top of the lingering aftertaste from last night. A sickening cocktail. A lot of what had followed after the bar was lost to him, and only came back in blurry fractions. He remembered he’d made them stop for cigarettes, and the new pack pressing against his leg in his pocket served as proof for this. The walk home had taken at least twice as long as it should, but he couldn’t clearly remember the details. They’d probably gotten lost. His head hurt too much to keep thinking about it.

“Nathan,” Daniel continued, increasingly more agitated. “I’m trying to express that I’m upset with you, but you’re not listening.”

“I’m listening,” he murmured with a raspy voice. “You said we were gone for three hours.”

“And twenty minutes,” Daniel added. “I started to look for you when you hadn’t yet returned eighty minutes after your departure. I came back here several times. After three hours and twenty minutes, you were back. Not sooner.”

“Right, sorry. Please let me sleep.”

“You said you’d be back in an hour.”

Nate sighed and opened his eyes, too nauseated to keep them closed. He focused them on a single point in front of him: Jake.

“I know, I’m sorry. We just lost track of time, it’s not that big a deal.”

“I was concerned, Nathan,” Daniel argued in the criticizing tone of a disapproving mother, and Nate frowned. Despite the nagging nausea, he turned his head towards Daniel.

“I hear you, I’m sorry,” he repeated.

Daniel straightened his back. Nate now noticed that he’d been bending over him this entire time. He pushed himself to sit up as well, but instantly regretted it. A groan left his lips.

“What time is it now?”

“Ten past six. Five hours and thirty-five minutes after you left. I tried to wake you before.”

Nate nodded, but quickly stopped. He wished Daniel had let him sleep. He would’ve felt much better if he’d been able to throw in a decent amount of rest. With this thought, he remembered the strange dream he was having, and he jumped from his seat, holding on to the armrest. He was dizzy, and he recognized the familiar alcoholic symptoms, but this time with the fresh addition of a pale face and sharp, yet anxiously throbbing brain. It was only a dream, barely qualifying as a nightmare, but then why did it make him feel so uneasy?

 _You’re just on edge_ , he thought. Anyone would be paranoid after the week he’d had. He’d gone through a lot of stress lately, it made sense for him to worry. It was only a dream. The second one in a row.

“Is everything okay?” Daniel asked him. His eyes were no longer resentful, but shone with worry, and Nate nodded quickly. 

“Sure, just the booze,” he replied casually, and managed a smile in Daniel’s direction. 

Daniel nodded as well, but didn’t know how to continue. They stood there awkwardly until something dawned to him. 

“Do you need me to heal you?” He asked Nate.

“No, thanks,” Nate replied. “Quick question. Just out of curiosity, but could you, as an angel, talk to me in other ways than right here in front of me? Are there things out there who could, oh, I don’t know, visit dreams or something?”

Daniel watched Nate in silence until it made the latter sincerely uncomfortable. Daniel didn’t know what to think of that question, but answered it nonetheless.

“Theoretically, yes, angels can indeed visit dreams.”

“Expand on that, please.”

“It depends on various factors to achieve such a thing. From Heaven, it is easier to make contact, though you’d have to know exactly where they are and that they’re asleep. It’s how I made contact with my host, as well. On Earth, it would be more difficult. Apart from having to know that someone’s asleep, you’d have to be physically close to them.”

“You _have_ to be? There’s no other way?” Nate asked eagerly. He relaxed. It was only a strange dream after all, nothing to worry about. He was just being silly, occupied by unnecessary worry like usual.

“I suppose,” Daniel began thoughtfully. “It could be transcended by perhaps a certain bond or connection. A spiritual contact that makes a physical one obsolete. I wouldn’t say it’s impossible. Why do you ask?”

Nate’s heart sank after Daniel’s words, but he quickly put on a hollow smile.

“No reason. Just thinking of what to look out for,” he said, and decided to change the topic. “Is there a way for us to contact you, when we’re out or in trouble?”

“You can call me through prayer.”

Prayer. Nate looked down at the chair. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d prayed for anything.

“So that really works? You really hear it, when someone prays to you?”

“You have to be open to receiving it. Not all of us are easily contacted this way, especially not when you haven’t previously met, but this will not be a problem between us.”

“Great,” Nate replied. “Thanks. I’ll be in my room.”

Nate left as fast as his weak legs could carry him, grabbing a granola bar on his way out. Upstairs, Jake and Nate had both chosen a room to serve as their personal space, each provided with a brand new bed. Nate had picked the one on the right at the top of the staircase and when he reached it, he shut the door behind him. The pack of cigarettes was poking his leg. He reached in his pocket and took it out together with a new lighter, that he’d apparently bought as well. In front of the window, Nate took a seat on the old chair and lit one up. He watched the smoke twirl through the air as he exhaled. It was cold outside, and though he physically felt absolutely horrendous, it eased his mind.

From his other pocket, he pulled out the picture of his parents and Jake and watched it while smoking his cigarette. He remembered that day very well. It was one of the few days he could reflect on and truly thought had been a good day. He’d offered to bake a cake, thinking something homemade would be appreciated and make Jake feel more at home. Jake never did talk much about his parents or being away from his own house, but he’d always been melancholic and withdrawn on his birthdays, even before he’d moved in with them. Nate didn’t know why, but every year he was determined to let Jake know just how wanted he was. Nate’s father hadn’t been particularly skilled at cooking, though he did insist on preparing their meals at least once every week if not more, something that was not encouraged by the others of their household. It was a dinner Nate and his mother were forced to suffer through every time, and despite his practice, his father did not get better, nor did he accept his mother’s help or advice. While his mother’s cooking had been excellent, the particular skillset that was passed on to the younger Nate had clearly come from his father’s side, and in similar fashion, Nate did not accept any help or advice, either. The cake turned out runny and undercooked, while somehow burned at the same time, and tasted disgusting. To Nate’s own astonishment, Jake had still finished a whole piece, which had been a completely unnecessarily polite thing to do. Nate had assured him over and over that it was fine, that he should leave it, that they would throw it out, but Jake continued nonetheless. Nate remembered how sick Jake had been the entire following day. So stubborn, even then.

He smiled faintly. It seemed a century ago. Things hadn’t always been good back then, but he’d still believed it would get better. And now, here they were, hiding in some dirty, old cabin, and some guy who may or may not had been talking to him in his sleep.

Nate sighed and leaned his head back against the chair. He didn’t know what to do, and the pressure on his brain made it unable to function. Daniel’s rude awakening had left him groggy, sick and tired, and he now stared up at the ceiling, that didn’t have the answers either. 

After reluctantly consuming half of the granola bar and finishing his cigarette, he stood up. Dream or no dream, he couldn’t stay awake all his life, and he certainly couldn’t stay awake for much longer right now. He pressed the small stump of his cigarette on the windowsill, leaving the window open for some fresh air. The bed made a dull, creaky sound when he dropped on top of it. He pulled a pillow closer and laid his head down. Sleep came quickly, and thankfully, it was a dreamless one.

 

“Nate!”

Nate frowned and pulled his sheets over his head. No, no, no, he didn’t want to wake up again. Why couldn’t people let him sleep?

“Nate, I made dinner!” Jake yelled again, his voice coming from downstairs.

Nate sighed and rolled on his back before opening his eyes. It couldn’t be that much later, but he had lost sense of time.

“Nate, get your ass down here!” Jake yelled a little louder.

He sighed again and pushed himself up. His head was no longer spinning, but he didn’t feel much better than before.

“I’m coming,” he muttered, and cleared his throat before raising his voice. “I’m coming!”

“It’s getting cold!” Jake added.

“I said I was coming!”

While Nate’s entire body was protesting against being awake too soon once again, his empty stomach won the fight. After a longing gaze at his soft, dented pillow, he stood up in full. As he made his way downstairs, the wood creaked below his feet. He rubbed his eyes with his fists and slapped his cheeks once to wake himself up. He hoped he looked presentable, but knew this wasn’t the case.

“What are we having?” He asked Jake when he entered the kitchen.

“Mac ‘n cheese,” Jake replied with full mouth. He sat at the table and had already started eating.

Nate looked in the pot on the stove. On the counter, Jake had left a clean bowl. He took it and started to fill it with his dinner.

“Very nutritious,” he joked.

Jake opened his mouth to reply, forgetting about the food that was still in it. He took a moment to swallow and tried again.

“Oh, shut up. It’s not like you’re such a chef.”

Nate smirked at the pot. Nowadays, he wasn’t a bad cook at all, but he knew Jake to have too many examples of their past to successfully claim otherwise. He took a spoon and joined him at the table.

“I don’t know how we survived all these years.”

“I’ve gotten better!” Jake protested. “I do cook!”

“Yeah? What do you make?”

“Well, mostly I just throw stuff in a pan and wait for it to be done, but I do follow recipes sometimes. Rachel thinks I’m a good cook.”

Nate ate a spoonful of his dinner while watching Jake, who now poked his food with his cutlery and avoided Nate’s eyes. He didn’t ask about Rachel. He knew that if Jake wanted to talk about it, he would. Instead, he looked around.

“Where’s Daniel?” He asked.

Jake sighed in relief and nodded behind him. Nate stretched his body over the table to look into the living room. Daniel was sitting on the couch. His eyes were closed.

“What is he doing?” Nate murmured.

“No idea, didn’t ask.”

Nate nodded. He sat back down and continued eating. Jokes aside, he couldn’t imagine a better meal than this and he couldn’t remember the last time something had tasted this good. He’d been famished, and the cheesy food did wonders for his mood. He was glad Jake had woken him up for this.

Unfortunately, his newfound optimism did not last, and when he returned to his bed two hours later, he stepped into a new dream.

 

It was dark and cloudy like a moonless sky. Shadows were all around him, and Nate had no idea where he was. He wondered if he was still on Earth, as the air was mystical and he felt a strange sensation that it was filled with invisible eyes, each aimed at him.

“Hello?” Nate asked.

He turned in circles, but the shadows surrounded him. When he looked down at his own hands, they looked vague and blurry, reminding of the times he’d put Jake’s glasses on for fun. His eyes wouldn’t focus. It didn’t feel real.

“I’m dreaming,” he told himself.

“Excellent observation, well done,” a voice came from the darkness.

Nate looked up and saw a man standing in front of him. From what he could see, he was dressed quite stylishly, topped by piercing eyes and ash-brown hair. The sound had not come from his direction alone, but equally all around. It almost impressed Nate. He didn’t look half-bad, but class was something he both admired and loathed, and he skeptically raised his eyebrows. The man simply smiled in return, but it didn’t feel genuine. Nate’s mockery turned into a frown.

“Who are you?”

“Guess.”

“What?”

“I want to check your intelligence. Guess.”

Nate’s brows lowered further and he pressed his lips together. He knew of only one person who’d want to go through the trouble of visiting his dreams. Though hoping he was mistaken, Nate knew he wouldn’t be lucky enough for that.

“Michael,” he replied hoarsely. “Right?”

The man’s smile grew larger and he took a step forwards. It felt unnecessary. Nate was sure this human-looking body was only for show.

“Very good. Of course, it wasn’t all that difficult, was it?”

Nate shook his head. Sadly, it hadn’t been. He pointed up and down at the man.

“Who’s that? Why not show me your real body?”

“My real body? I don’t have a body like yours, and you are by no means exceptional enough to behold my true shape. Most likely, you wouldn’t be able to comprehend it. Your mind can’t process it. You might even die. Involuntarily, this time.”

“Thanks,” Nate grumbled.

“Just facts, no insults. Take a seat.”

Nate looked around at the empty space.

“What seat?”

Before he’d finished talking, a chair popped up out of nowhere. _Of course_ , he thought. _He wants to play it like that_.

Reluctantly, Nate sat down, but he made sure to keep his eyes on the man in front of him. With a simple flick of his hand, Michael shaped the smoke in the space behind him. It started to rise and form, and when he sat down, it had turned to a chair as well.

“Impressive,” Nate said mockingly. “Why are we here?”

Michael’s smile only grew. He might be an angel like Daniel, but it was clear that he was nothing like him.

“It’s high time we meet, don’t you think?”

“Not really.”

“I see.” Michael cocked his head to a side and looked down at the hand on his lap. “Not even to save Jacob’s life?”

Nate blinked. Apparently, they were getting straight down to business, and in his anger, he jumped up from the chair.

“Leave Jake out of this!” He threatened him. It had been a natural response, but he was sure it hadn’t impressed a soul. Michael’s eyebrows twitched slightly as he held back a grin. Clearly, it was exactly what he’d hoped to hear, yet innocently, he looked up to Nate. He didn’t believe it for a second. From the school of lying, he was a graduate.

“I would if I could, but the way you’re playing this game at the moment, I just can’t,” Michael told him. “Sorry.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Nate hesitated, almost too scared to ask, afraid to be tricked by his words. “How am I playing this?”

 “Sit back down, and I’ll tell you,” Michael answered plainly, and gestured at the chair. 

He hesitated once more, but in the end, he listened. The moment he’d sat down, Michael continued.

“Listen to me, Nathan. I know you care a great deal about your cousin Jake and I can understand that. Empathize, even. But you can’t protect him, neither can Daniel. Hiding is never going to last for the simple reason that you’re mortal, and I’m not. I’ve got plenty of time and possibility to wait this one out. Unfortunately, you don’t have that luxury. So, as a courtesy to you, I’ll be honest. I need you, Nathan. More specifically, I need your body. I know that must sound frightening, but you won’t feel a thing, and it won’t be for long. Had you lived centuries ago, I would’ve trusted you to share my word on your own terms, and it would barely inconvenience you. This is bigger than that. Should you agree to come to me, I can do one thing for you in return, and that’s keeping Jake safe.”

It sounded reasonable enough, but to Nate, it sounded suspiciously reasonable. He would say anything to convince him, and Nate knew that one part was definitely not true.

“Don’t lie to me, I know you want Jake to be used as a host as well.”

“Why would I want that? That just makes it harder for me, doesn’t it?”

“Who knows why any of you do what you do. Rules, orders, the big plan, whatever.”

Michael shook his head.

“You’re not hearing me, Nate. Can I call you Nate?”

He didn’t answer him, and his attempts at friendliness were certainly not received well. Unbothered, Michael continued.

“I don’t _receive_ orders, Nate. I give them, and I can change them. I make the rules. There’s no higher power than me. Frankly, I can do whatever I want.”

“Sure, alright.”

“Now, if you DON’T cooperate, here’s what will happen next: I can guarantee that you will be found, and I won’t be able to prevent anything that follows. I don’t know if you care about this, but Daniel will die, should his reconditioning to a full recovery fail. You and Jake will be taken, and there will be no avoiding your fate. That will be on you, Nate. Everyone is looking for _you_. Not Daniel, not Jake; you.”

Nate shook his head, but he felt his confidence slipping. If what Michael said was true, it meant that he alone was putting those he’s trying to protect at risk. If they’d be found out, it would all be his fault. 

It was as if Michael could read his mind, as he smiled slightly and continued speaking.

“You’re putting him in danger, Nate. I can assure you that he will be safe with me. I need you, not him, not necessarily, but I will not offer my time and protection for free. Out on your own? You’re not safe, neither one of you, not from anyone.”

Nate stayed quiet. He wanted to argue, but found himself empty handed. Should he consider Michael’s offer? Was it foolish of him not to? He looked down at his hands, away from the angel. He couldn’t give up this easily. People were counting on him.

“We’ll manage,” he said.

“I’m sure you will,” Michael sighed. “A day, a week, a month, perhaps even a year. Yet, isn’t it depressing to know that your version of success includes being locked up somewhere for the rest of your life?”

“Everything about this is depressing, so why not?”

“Think about it,” Michael concluded, and he stood up from his chair. “Before your actions kill the last remaining people you hold dear.”

He walked past Nate, and when the latter turned around, Michael was gone. Suddenly, the chairs disappeared, and Nate fell back. When his head hit the surprisingly hard ground, he woke up, back at the cabin. Back in his room. He opened his eyes wide and jumped out of bed. Panting, he turned and turned. Nothing. His heart was pounding in his chest and he listened attentively. After a minute, he was still alone. Michael was nowhere to be seen.

Exhaustion returned to him, and he fell down on his bed. What time was it? Maybe he could still get a few hours of sleep. But he soon found out that thought was but mindless optimism. Sleep was no longer an option after the dream he’d had. His conversation with Michael kept replaying in his mind till well after dawn, and he became increasingly more doubtful. He was starting to think that, maybe, none of them had any idea what they were doing.


	10. Dreams, Dreams, Dreams pt. 2

 

“What are you doing?”

Daniel opened his eyes to see Nate sitting on the coffee table in front of him. In his own hands, he held the remote to their old, but still functioning TV, turning it slowly while feeling the buttons. He found it helped him concentrate while listening to the distant whispers from the skies.

Nate had been watching him silently for a while. Daniel’s eyes were closed and it appeared he hadn’t noticed him. He probably hadn’t, though it wouldn’t surprise him if he was only pretending. It was just past noon and they were alone, as Jake had left to explore the surrounding forest. Jake had offered for Nate to tag along, but the latter had politely declined.

“I’m listening,” Daniel responded eventually.

Nate nodded, though he didn’t know what it meant, and he wasn’t sure whether it was an answer at all. There had been a genuine interest in his question, but he didn’t ask further. He didn’t need to know all that badly. That wasn’t why he’d sat down.

Daniel watched him patiently, waiting for a follow-up that never came. Instead, Nate changed the topic.

“Hey, Daniel?”

“Yes?”

“If they catch us, will they kill you?”

Daniel leaned in to a spare part of the table and put the remote down.

“Most likely.”

Nate dropped his gaze to his hands. If Daniel were to die, that would be his fault. He’d always known this. He’d known from the moment he’d asked Daniel to rebel, that he was risking his life. All along, he knew exactly what the consequences of their actions would be. He’d just never realized the reality of them before and at the time, he hadn’t considered the possibility of another option. If there _was_ another option.

He looked back at Daniel and saw him thoughtfully studying his face. He smiled uncomfortably. No one needed to know what was on his mind.

“We’re safe here, right?”

“You already asked me this.”

“I know, but I’m asking you again.”

“Then I will provide you with the same answer: yes, we are safe. Most of all within these walls. Outside of them, safety is limited and not guaranteed.”

Nate nodded and looked at the wall above Daniel’s head of hair, thoughtfully pressing his lips together. All things considered, it simply didn’t matter what they’d risked by coming here. It’s not as if he could go back in time to change it. They were here now and that’s that. He alone would have to live with wherever this choice would lead them, but it wasn’t going to lead to surrender.

“Is something troubling you?” Daniel asked.

“Huh?” Nate responded absentmindedly, before turning back to Daniel. “Oh, no. No, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

For a moment, he considered telling Daniel what had happened the night before. For a moment, after seeing the compassion in Daniel’s eyes that no longer met his, Nate had forgotten why he’d been so adamant on keeping anything to himself. There was no need for him to worry alone. He didn’t have to. All he had to do, was open his mouth, and the words would spill out on their own. It was the mature decision, much wiser than his silence, of that he had no doubt. Almost, he had shared Michael’s visit with Daniel, had it not been for Jake, who loudly returned from his walk.

“I got goddamn lost out there!” Jake yelled from the corridor, and slammed the door shut behind him.

Nate quickly stood up from the table. Thank god. Wise or not, he didn’t want to tell Daniel about his dream at all. This was his problem, not Daniel’s or Jake’s, and he didn’t want to bother them. But, if he was truly honest with himself, there was another reason why he didn’t want to talk about it. A small part of him feared that they’d agree with Michael, that they too believed Nate was putting them in danger. They would never turn him in, of course, but he didn’t want to live with that possible blame. He didn’t want Jake to know that it was really him and his own choices that were ruining his life. All of it avoidable, if he’d only turn himself in.

Jake entered the living room and brought an energy that instantly felt as if Nate’s previous conversation with Daniel had never happened.

“Four times did I think, okay, I’ve reached a path, right?” Jake chatted lively, panting between breaks. He took off his coat and tossed it on the chair. “And every time I started to follow it, it just ended. Disappeared, never a path to begin with, just a line without any trees. I don’t think there are any paths at all. Like, honestly, I don’t think anyone ever enters those woods. And I’ve looked, believe me. The only path is the one leading to this house and even that one is barely visible from the main road, I’ve checked. No one’s ever gonna find us here. Hell, I barely found the cabin back myself!”

Jake’s enthusiasm was contagious, and Nate smiled widely.

“That’s great, Jake,” he said. “You look thirsty, you want a drink?”

“I sure do!” Jake replied, and already left for the kitchen. “God, I should’ve brought some water. I’m hungry, too. You want anything?”

Nate glanced down at Daniel on the couch, who hadn’t stopped watching him. He didn’t need to eat, but he also didn’t want to be left alone with him.

“Yeah, sure,” he called out to Jake, who had already opened the fridge. “I’m coming.”

 

After a light meal, the rest of the afternoon passed quietly. Apart from a few simple sentences, they didn’t speak again until dinner. Jake turned to Nate, who’d sat down with his food next to Daniel at the kitchen table, who, as usual, ate nothing at all.

“You think you’ll be fired?” He asked. He thought about how he’d miss the rest of his schoolyear, and how this whole ordeal would affect his career before it had even begun. He’d been so close to his bachelor’s degree, but now, from one day to the next, all of that hard work and effort was gone. He couldn’t have these past few years be a waste of time, but he had no control in changing it. Discouraged, he twisted some spaghetti around his fork and shoved it in his mouth.

At the table, Nate shrugged ambiguously, feeling no desire of getting into any conversation that included his work.

“Maybe,” he said, and planned to leave it at that, but Daniel leaned in on his side.

“We’re not telling him that, either?” He attempted to whisper, but it came out much louder than he’d meant. 

With a surprised bang, Nate dropped his fork on his plate and watched Daniel with disgruntled bewilderment.

“ _Why_ …” he whispered in disbelief, and Daniel realized his mistake. But it was too late. The damage was done.

“Sorry, what was that?” Jake said, putting his fork down as well. “Not telling me what? Nate?” He looked from Nate to Daniel. “Are you keeping secrets from me?”

Nate sighed. It was the long, dramatic sound of exasperation he was known for. He turned back to Jake.

“It’s just that I already got fired,” he explained. “A few days before we got here. But I would have been fired now anyway, so it’s not a big deal.”

“Oh, Nate,” Jake sighed with motherly disappointment, the second person now to address him with this tone. He opened his mouth to say more, but Nate quickly interrupted him.

“Don’t start,” he warned him.

Jake hesitated, but nodded eventually.

“Fair enough, so what else?”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t tell me that  _either_. What was the first secret?”

“Oh, right. Well…”

Nate didn’t know how to say it, mostly because he didn’t want to say it at all. He stretched his words and cherished these last few seconds of peace for as long as he could, until he realized that Daniel might just say it himself. He saw Jake watch him with anticipation, trying his best to stay patient. There was no way around this.

“Okay, so, this is going to sound ridiculous like everything else so far, but you know how I’m like the prophet of, uh, _‘High Angels’_ and everything?”

Jake nodded.

“Very absurd, yes. Go on.”

“Well, as it turns out… you- you are-… You remember how there’s that other prophet, too? The one of the-… Well, that’s you,” he stuttered a little incoherently, sounding as if he was unsure about it himself. Awkwardly, he showed Jake an apologetic, grimacing smile, while wishing he had taken the time to come up with something better.

“I- what?” Jake stammered. He’d raised his eyebrows so fast, his glasses slid down his nose a little. Aggressively, he pushed them back up, leaving a smudge on the glass. “I’m _what_ now?”

“You’re the Host of Devils,” Nate repeated plainly.

Jake rose from his chair and slammed his hands flat on the table. His plate trembled in between.

“YOU’RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT?”

Without making eye contact, Daniel pushed his chair away from the table, slowly, to not make a sound. He sat back, hoping to exclude himself from this scene by simply not acknowledging it any longer.

“Please, calm down,” Nate tried to shush Jake, but he might as well have told him to go to hell.

“Calm down?! Are you serious?” Jake snapped loudly at Nate, before turning to Daniel. “Is it true?”

With great discomfort, Daniel turned to Jake, but avoided his eyes.

“It is,” he responded reluctantly. He considered standing up and leaving. He didn’t necessarily have to stand up for that at all.

“I can’t believe this! I even asked you, _specifically_ , if-… I _asked_ you about this! When were you planning on telling me, Nate?”

“When it was the _right time_ ,” Nate said spitefully while looking directly at Daniel, who now pretended the flaky wallpaper looked particularly interesting today.

“Unbelievable,” Jake huffed. He dropped back on his seat and turned his anger to the wall below the window. “You never tell me anything, I shouldn’t be surprised about this. You don’t share _anything_ with me.”

“Anyway, now you know,” Nate said. He didn’t bother to defend himself. He knew very well that Jake had every right to be angry, just as he had been angered by the same news when it first came from Daniel.

It was quiet for a long, painful minute. Jake hatefully watched the wall as if it had personally attacked him, and if it had been sentient, it would have surely fled by now.

With his head lowered to prevent anyone from noticing him, Daniel looked from Jake, to Nate, to the table in front of him. His face, brass as the high sun shining on an olive tree, was creased as he wondered yet again if it would be okay for him to leave, or whether that would only make things worse for when he’d come back, knowing that Nate was most likely upset with him.

Nate sighed and picked up his fork again. Much to Jake’s annoyance, he continued eating while receiving Jake’s glares from across the table. Nate looked back, but didn’t let Jake’s disapproval stop him from what he was doing. Silently, he took another bite, challenging his cousin in front of him. He knew he wasn’t helping the situation and he didn’t quite know why. All he knew, was that he felt tired.

“Okay, fine!” Jake said eventually. His hands had been lying stiffly on his lap and he now briefly threw them up before leaving his arms loosely at his sides. He was tired too.

Nate’s mouth was filled with pasta and he didn’t answer him, but raised his brows questioningly. Jake sighed loudly and dramatically before continuing, similar to Nate’s own noise. Though the copying of this theatrical trait had started years ago when Jake would’ve mocked Nate’s behavior whenever he wasn’t getting his way, Jake had unwillingly sucked it into his own personality.

“If we’re gonna be stuck together, I’m not gonna stay angry over this,” Jake said, the anger still very much sounding through his voice.

Nate suppressed a smile at his plate. In the past, they could fight for a long time if they really wanted to. They wouldn’t often, but when they did, either one would be too painfully stubborn to let anything slide. Once, when they were both still teenagers, they hadn’t spoken for two weeks until both had forgotten what they’d been angry about, as it had been nothing but trivial and petty. A few days later, they did remember and fought over it again.

It all stopped once Jake had moved in. They’d changed from fighting each other to fighting everyone else together. Bickering would still occur, but it was all in good spirit and often an outlet for them both. Nate was glad to see that, despite their often ill-tempered personalities, this hadn’t changed.

“I mean, it’s hard to be mad over something so surreal,” Jake murmured, interrupting Nate’s thoughts. “I think I was fine not knowing. I still can’t believe any of this.”

Nate nodded. He knew exactly how he felt. Nate had been given the chance to adapt to his new life for a solid week and still found himself doubting it every now and then. He couldn’t expect Jake to accept it this soon, and he didn’t.

“That doesn’t mean you’re not still an asshole for lying to me,” Jake said quickly after Nate’s continued silence. He didn’t want to let Nate off the hook that easily, either.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

It had sounded earnest and he did mean it. Sometimes, Nate wondered how different his life would be if he’d been more honest, about everything. He was always avoiding not just difficult conversations, but also personal ones, and it was simply not in his nature to be as open as Jake. He could’ve easily broken this pattern earlier today, yet he hadn’t.

Jake looked at his plate, but was no longer hungry. He rolled the spaghetti around his fork and left it there.

“So, what’s the plan, Nate?”

“You already know it,” Nate answered, and gestured around at the kitchen.

“I mean,” Jake sighed, and looked up at him. “Is this really it? Are we really gonna hide in here for the rest of our lives? Just wait for them to one day find us? They only need to find one of us if we’re all gonna stay in this cabin forever.”

Nate felt his throat shut tightly. He could hear Michael’s words echoing in his mind with the same sharpness they’d been uttered with, repeating over and over.  _You’re putting him in danger._  He forced a reassuring smile on his face. It was no use to scare the already doubtful Jake and increase the weight on his shoulders.

“We’ll figure it out,” he told him. “We’ll come up with some kind of plan.”

“If you say so,” Jake murmured, who’d turned back to his spaghetti. He picked up his fork, but when he tried to slide the pasta in his mouth, it rolled off and back on his plate.

 

Nate blew the smoke up towards the sky, away from Jake, who waved in front of his face nonetheless. He finished his cigarette and flicked it away on the gravel.

“I _am_ sorry,” he spoke, as the last of the smoke left his lips. “For not telling you. I know I should have.”

“Yeah, you should’ve,” Jake said, but he smiled. He wasn’t that fussed about it anymore, but it was good to hear the apology.

“I didn’t know how to,” Nate continued. “It’s not easy conversation.”

“Personally, Nate, I don’t want to think about it, so don’t even mention it.”

“Fair enough.”

They watched as the sun started to set, giving the gray sky an orange glow. In a nearby tree, birds had gathered for the last light of day, chirping busily.

“Nate?” Jake asked.

“Yeah?”

“Now that we’re alone, I just gotta ask again. I mean, I do trust you, but really, what IS the plan here?”

Nate pulled another cigarette from his pack.

“Have you ever considered that I have no idea what I’m doing here?” He said lightheartedly, and put the cigarette in the corner of his mouth. “No clue, none whatsoever.”

Jake chuckled lightly.

“No, that has never come to mind. Not once in my whole life.”

“Watch it,” Nate laughed, before lighting his cigarette.

Jake watched the smoke dance up to the multi-colored sky.

“We’re just making it up as we go, aren’t we?”

“Aren’t all the good, successful plans made on the go?”

“No,” Jake responded skeptically. “No, I really don’t think they are.”

Nate held his cig down between two fingers and watched it stoically.

“Well, I’m open to suggestions.”

Jake didn’t have any, and so they remained quiet. As the sun became smaller and smaller at the horizon, the air around them started to cool. He rubbed his bare arms, wearing only a thin, green shirt with three palm trees on it, unfit for the winter season. Nate wore a simple but warm, dark sweater, and only the fingers holding his smoke felt the change in temperature. They’d stood there for a while, until Nate suddenly spoke.

“I can’t believe he did that,” he muttered.

“Who?”

“Daniel. I’d asked him to keep all of this a secret, at least for a while.”

“Have you been thinking about that this whole time?”

“Why?” Nate looked at him. “What are you thinking about that’s so important?”

Jake shrugged.

“Mortal danger? The end of the world? Being kicked out of college and failing at life?”

Nate took a final drag and tossed the cigarette on the ground, grinding it with the tip of his shoe. 

“Oh, that.”

“Yeah, _that_.”

“Well, that’s just depressing.”

“Yeah, well… these are depressing times, I guess,” Jake replied. “Besides, Daniel didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I know,” Nate said, and he didn’t say much more. From the corner of his eyes, he saw his cousin looking at him.

“So, were you fired before or after Daniel showed up?”

Nate smiled shortly before looking back at him. The tone he detected in his voice was unmistakable. Of course he had something to say about this, as Jake had something to say about everything he did. For a split-second, Nate wondered what would’ve happened had Daniel gone to Jake instead of him. Jake would not have been as polite about it.

“It all happened simultaneously, really. I was never meant for meaningless deskwork, anyway.”

“Or for any of the other ten careers you’ve tried so far.”

“You don’t need to act as my mother, Jake.”

“Why not? You act like mine all the time.”

“The minute I start acting like _your_ mother, do warn me,” Nate said, but then he grinned. “Besides, you heard the man. I’m a prophet, I already have a job.”

“Am I an anti-prophet?” Jake thought out loud. “An anti-something? A hell-something?”

“Don’t touch me, you might burn me alive.”

“You’re not funny, Nate.”

Maybe he wasn’t, but Jake had smiled, and that’s all Nate liked to see. It was all a bit stupid, after all. As if they’d ever fight each other, angels or not. At any age, he’d never wanted anything but to protect him. Nate pushed himself away from the wall and put his foot on the first step to the house.

“Come on, you’re getting too cold out here.”

 

They’d left Daniel at the kitchen table, and now found him on the couch. Jake reached for his jacket and put it on for warmth, before dropping down on the seat. Nate leaned against his chair.

“You know, none of this is fair,” Jake complained. “We don’t deserve this.”

“That rarely stops anything from happening,” Nate replied, and his cousin looked up at him.

“If it’s a blood-thing, why can’t he take my parents?”

“You know he’s right there, right? Ask him, not me.”

But Daniel shook his head.

“Just because your bloodline contains the possible power of holding the High Angels, doesn’t mean it works for all of them born from it. You are not the only existing bloodline that could bring forth new hosts, but I’m afraid you’re simply unlucky enough to have become them in our current time.”

Nate leaned down with the support of the chair until his face was close to Jake’s ear. Jake’s eyes were already twinkling, knowing he was in for some gossip.

“Can you imagine that he’d brought it as if I was supposed to be grateful? See all of this as an honor?” he whispered.

“Yeah, right! An honor!” Jake laughed.

Nate joined him, until he saw Daniel, who clearly hadn’t thought it to be funny. He coughed against his fist and took a seat on the empty side of the couch, while eyeing Jake’s unbothered smile.

“Movie?” He asked him.

Jake shook his head and pushed himself up from the leather armchair.

“No, I’m gonna go to bed early. Think on whatever sins led me to being the antichrist. Night, Nate.”

“Okay, good luck with that,” Nate joked, but nodded. “Goodnight.”

 

A few hours later, Nate had continued to lean against the broad arm of the couch, thoughtfully rubbing his lips with his thumb. He was sitting with his legs up and had been leaning as far away from Daniel as he could, staring at the coffee table in front of them. Outside, it was now fully dark, but he hadn’t noticed it and paid no attention to Daniel, who hadn’t moved for a minute.

“Are you ill?” Daniel asked after a while, waking Nate up from his trance.

“What?”

“You’ve been sitting like this for hours. Are you ill? Do you need me to heal you?”

“No, I don’t need you to heal me,” Nate said, more annoyed than he meant to. “Stop asking me that. I’m _fine_.”

Daniel shook his head slightly in confusion.

“Why would I, if it will make you feel better?”

“Because I don’t want to feel better!” Nate snapped at him, though staying as quiet as he could to not wake up Jake, who was undoubtedly asleep. Whereas Daniel’s earnest eyes had once charmed him, now, they only bothered him. “I don’t want anything to do with your healing! I don’t even want to be reminded of its existence. It makes my stomach turn when I think about it. Which is, I’m sure, the opposite of what you’re trying to accomplish, so please shut up about it.”

It was quiet for a moment, hearing nothing but the dull sound of crickets and wind coming from outside. Nate observed his fingers, waiting for Daniel to leave him alone. He already regretted his words, wishing he’d stayed his calm, collected self. The cool, easygoing nature people were used to from him. But there was too much on his mind to have to deal with this on top of everything else. 

Daniel wasn’t leaving and hadn’t averted his eyes. He wondered if he should press the issue, as he didn’t understand. Nate had told him to stop speaking, and he had listened to him in the past, but his reaction made no sense to him. Eventually, he broke the silence.

“I don’t understand,” he started. 

Heavily, Nate sighed. 

“Just, never mind, okay? I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“But, I don’t-”

“Leave me alone, Daniel.”

“… But why would it-” Daniel tried to continue regardless, but Nate cut him off.

“Because I don’t need it!” He snapped. “I’ll be completely fine without it. I won’t die, I’m not bleeding anywhere, and it’s not something you can fix. There was a time when I would’ve happily accepted it, but instead, you were on some big, puffy cloud watching me go through all of that by myself. I sure could have used these magical powers when-”

Nate stopped. It shocked him to realize where he’d been going with this. It caught him by surprise, and apparently, he hadn’t known the real reason of his frustrations. He never did speak of his parents, thinking this was the best way to get over their deaths, which was now proven false once again. One of these days, he’d have to come to terms with the knowledge that – while his father had died on the steering wheel of their car – his mother had been kept alive only for him to be given the decision on whether to pull the plug or not, as she was never to wake up again. Today was not the day he would face this, especially not to someone he barely knew. Without explaining the pause in his words, he continued.

“So yeah, _then_ , it would have been good. Great, even. Perfect. I don’t want any of it now. Not this, or your powers, or _you_.”

Nate jumped from the couch and stormed out. He climbed the stairs two steps at a time to get in his room as fast as possible. After he closed the door behind him, he feared Daniel would show up regardless of his dramatic exit, as he easily could by only thinking it. Nate turned around in circles. He was alone.

While dropping down on the bed, Nate felt the conflict stir in his mind. Guilt and shame, whether needed or not, always found him quickly, and he felt embarrassed for his outburst. He knew he couldn’t blame Daniel for matters that must have been just as much out of his control as his own, but he had to blame someone. He was not usually angry – about anything in fact – but perhaps that’s just what happens when you keep bottling everything up like he did. He’d blown off quite a lot of steam in his apartment, too. Daniel didn’t deserve that.

He threw the blanket over his shoulders and closed his eyes. In a way, it felt good to know that he still cared this much, even if he wouldn’t admit it to anyone else. He didn’t want it to stop, fearing the indifference that came so easily towards everything else in his life. With acceptance comes forgetting, and he never wanted to forget a single thing about any of it, no matter how much it hurt to remember.


	11. You Are Not Your Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter of Part 1: Beginnings. Nathan makes his choice and faces the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of Part One, Beginnings. If you're still here reading this, thank you, that really means so much. Part 2 will have a change of perspective, but first, Nate must make his decision to stay the owner of his own life and fate.

 

For a week, Nate was not allowed any rest. Night after night, after only short periods of sleep, he rose hastily from his bed in cold sweat, his hands clutching his sheets and his heartbeat pounding in his throat. He didn’t know whether it was Michael doing this, or whether it was his own thoughts that haunted him, or perhaps even a combination of both. He didn’t dream, did not hear or see anything that he could remember once he woke up. It was what he felt. It lay on him like an ominous blanket, pressing down until he could no longer breathe. Every night, he dreaded falling asleep, knowing he would step into another distressing nightmare. While becoming increasingly more tired, he held it off for as long as he could. Afterwards, he lay awake and waited for the sun to rise.

If Michael was torturing him into taking action, it was working. During the days, Nate rarely thought of anything else but the conversation they’d had. While Jake passed the time with an occasional run through the forest, cooking their meals, and watching TV, Nate didn’t do much of anything at all. If it hadn’t been for Jake, he would’ve forgotten to eat or drink, and he was too tired to remember to take care of his body.

Jake didn’t say anything about it. He’d cast Nate a worried glance every now and then, and attempted to distract him with cheerful chatter that Nate didn’t respond to. Daniel tried a more direct approach, asking him what was wrong, but Nate dismissed it every time.

One night, when the moon was getting low, Nate sat by his windowsill and smoked a cigarette. He was absolutely exhausted and didn’t know how much more he could take of this. His vision had started to falter and every now then, his eyes fell shut, just before he jerked his head up. He had to stay awake for as long as he could, but his body was sore, his brain begging for rest. Before he could finish his cigarette, sleep fell on him like a warm embrace, but it was not the loving kind.

“Have you thought about it?” A voice said next to him, but echoed all around.

Nate looked up. He sat in the same position as before, but he was no longer at his window. Apart from the chair, everything around him had vanished, replaced by the black nothingness and eerie shadows. His hand, up in the air, no longer held a cigarette between his fingers. He lowered it and placed it on his lap.

Next to him stood the same man he’d seen before, with the same arrogant expression. Nate considered replying with a snarky remark, but lacked the energy to speak. Michael grinned.

“Pardon me, boy,” he said. “But you do look rather awful.”

“Thanks,” Nate responded sarcastically, given strength by Michael’s detestable face.

“So, have you thought about it? Our little talk?”

“It barely crossed my mind.”

“Pity. A real shame. I only came to remind you that my offer does come with an expiration date. I can give you and your cousin all the protection you need. Your time with me could be swift and painless, not memorable at all, and I shall let Daniel live. Jake could go on and live a perfectly normal life. Why would you say no to such a thing?”

 _Cause I don’t trust you_ , Nate thought. He didn’t speak, but he didn’t look away from Michael, gazing at him with a pair of defying eyes that did the talking for him. Michael simply stared back. For a moment, Nate feared he would hurt him. If he’d considered it, he chose against it.

“You’ve chosen silence, as your answer?”

Nate moved nor spoke. Silence was fine by him. Even in his current state, he wasn’t about to back down, but Michael sighed and shook his head.

“I’ll give it another week. If I won’t get an answer by then, you can only expect this to get worse. You should consider your future, Nate, as well as Jake’s.”

When Nate continued his silence, Michael bent down. His face was close to his and showed an infuriated expression with much suddenness. He was no longer attempting to keep up appearances, and Nate’s eyes widened over the quick change.

“Know this, Nathan: these attempts are pathetic and futile. Do you really think there’s an available scenario where I’ll let you go and simply give up? I have no hobbies, no job to attend, no other activities that require my attention, but you. You’re delusional if you believe you can hide forever, and even if you can, even if you somehow manage to escape my eye, it doesn’t matter. Because you can rest assured that minute after minute, I will make certain you won’t get a single night’s rest for the remainder of your short, miserable life. I guarantee it. It doesn’t matter when you sleep, or how, or for how long. I will be waiting and I will be there. How long do you think you can keep that up? How long can the mighty human last without sleep? This will end with your begging, and when it does, there will be no offer of goodwill. There will be no salvation or protection.  _That_  is what happens, if you decline. That is what your silent protest will buy you.” Michael pulled his face away and stood up straight, though appearing no less intimidating as the smoky shadows moved around with him. “Think about  _that_ , for a week.”

Nate jumped up from his chair. Back in his room, he felt his heart pounding loudly in his chest. He was panting and could feel the sweat dripping from his cheeks. Michael had terrified him and he knew that what he’d said were no empty words. It was a threat, a promise. One way or another, his life was over. 

Something burned his fingers. Nate looked down. He was still holding the cigarette, now reduced to nothing but a stump. He left it on the windowsill and closed the window, where the wind picked up the last of the smoke.

Enough. He would not live the rest of his life in fear of what might come. He would not spend it bringing Jake in danger, just by being near him. He would not have Daniel die, trying to save him. He would not sit here, doing nothing, waiting for the end. He would not have any of it. Protection wasn’t coming from Michael, no matter what he’d offered him. That much was clear. He’d revealed himself to be a violent-minded, untrustworthy person who’d feel no remorse in causing his or Jake’s demise.

Enough.

Nate turned away from the window. The decision he’d made absolutely terrified him, yet it didn’t come close to the stubborn determination he felt to not accept the fates everyone else kept choosing for him. He was sick and tired of others telling him what to do. This was his choice. From his desk, he took a notebook and a pen. He needed to leave a note. If he didn’t, they might come after him. Nate couldn’t have that.

The pen was hanging above the paper. What was he going to say? _Sorry that I’m abandoning you?_  He knew Jake would be angry with him, no matter what he wrote. After some hesitated thought, he started writing.

‘ _I left. Don’t look for me. Nate.’_

Nate pulled it from his notebook and crumbled the paper in his hand. That wasn’t good enough. He might as well leave no message at all. He took the pen and started again.

‘ _Daniel, thank you for everything you’ve done. Jake, please forgive me. I wouldn’t have left if I had any other-’_

Nate pulled the paper from his notebook again. This wasn’t a diary excerpt. Again.

‘ _I’m sorry, but I have to go. Please don’t go looking for me. I will be fine. Love, Nate.’_

There, that’ll do. Clear and to the point, without sounding like an asshole for it. Carefully, Nate pulled the page from the notebook and folded it twice. He put it in his pocket and left his room. On his toes, quiet as to not wake up Jake, he walked down the stairs. At every sound the old wood made, he froze and listened. Nothing. At the last step, he sighed soundlessly, but as soon as he turned the corner to enter to living room, he met Daniel in front of him, almost bumping into the man.

“You’re awake,” Daniel remarked plainly, merely stating a fact.

“Yes.”

Daniel looked him up and down, slowly and pensively, something that continued to make Nate uncomfortable. He knew he couldn’t look good. 

“Why?” Daniel asked.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Nate replied. Quickly, he came up with a lie. “I need something.”

“What do you need?”

Crap. He hadn’t gotten that far yet, and his mind was too tired to provide him with an answer. He just needed Daniel out of the house, it didn’t matter what he needed. 

 _Think of something_ , he told himself.  _Something, anything_. 

“I’m cold,” he said quickly. “I need another blanket. I can’t sleep without it.”

Daniel stayed quiet for a moment. Nate feared that he saw right through him, but then he spoke.

“What kind?”

“I- Um-” Nate stammered. He didn’t think it would have been this easy. “Any kind, doesn’t matter. Whatever feels to be the warmest.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, please.”

Daniel nodded. 

“I’ll go. Do you need anything else?”

Nate shook his head. Daniel paused and a second later, he looked down.

“Nathan, if you need to talk-”

“I don’t,” Nate said quickly. It made him nervous that Daniel was dragging a conversation he’d believed to be over.

“If I’ve done anything to upset you-” Daniel continued.

“No,” Nate interrupted him again. “I mean, you haven’t.”

His cheeks flushed and his chest felt tight. Daniel was a good guy, and here he was lying straight to his face. Something he would inevitably find out about in mere minutes. Daniel was a good person, but he wasn’t, as he wouldn’t consider for a moment to tell him the truth.

“I won’t take long,” Daniel said, and instantly, he vanished.

“Thanks for the warning,” Nate murmured. He swiftly turned the corner and pulled the note from his pocket. He put it on the middle of the table and placed his lighter on top so it wouldn’t fly away. It was still folded. Nate didn’t need anyone to find it _that_ fast. Afterwards, he grabbed the laundry bag and clumsily pulled at the ropes to unknot them, slowed down in his haste by his trembling fingers.  _Come on_ , he thought nervously. Finally, the ropes came loose, and Nate pulled the bag open. In the dark, he took a few bills and stood up. There was no time to waste now. 

The next moment, he was outside, silently shutting the door behind him. He took the time to look up at the low moon and breathe in the cool air, clearing his head. Then, he started running.

It didn’t take long for him to be out of breath. His muscles were aching and he felt weak on his knees. He left the path and entered the forest, hoping the trees would prevent Daniel from finding him should he return and start a search. The night made his visit in the woods a dark and treacherous one and Nate made sure to always keep the path in sight, keeping his eyes off the roots he continuously tripped over.

Eventually, after the path had made room for the long road, the forest became thinner. Suddenly, Nate wasn’t so sure about his plan anymore. It would be morning in mere hours, but for now, it was still nighttime. He’d make it to Haywick, and then what? Was it safe to wait at the bus stop, exposed and out in the open? Would Daniel think to look there? Maybe he wouldn’t, but Jake sure would.

Nate had no choice but to keep going, cursing himself for his poor execution. If he hadn’t been so tired, he would’ve been able to think this through. A few minutes later, he arrived at the town. He was dead tired, and once he reached the calm water of the lake, his legs gave out. He knew this was a terrible spot to rest, but could not get himself to take another step. He dropped in the grass and moved down to a thick bush by an overlapping tree. He pressed his back against the rustling leafs and pulled the branches up on his sides. He felt ridiculous, hiding like this, but it was better than nothing. From this angle, he was only visible from the lake. The branches were uncomfortable and the twigs pressed in his skin, but it didn’t matter. Even a bed of nails would have him fall asleep by now. His eyelids were extremely heavy and he rubbed them every few minutes. Sleep, rest, comfort; his brain begged for little else.

_Stay awake, you have to come up with a plan!_

He looked out at the soothing water that reflected the bright moonlight. His eyes fell shut and his chin dropped on his chest.  _No_! He jerked his head up and slapped his cheeks. With his fingers, he forced his eyes to stay open. He couldn’t doze off now. The sun would rise soon. If he just held on till then, he’d figure out what to do next. He considered stealing a bike, the easiest of transportation to steal, but that would leave him exposed. Maybe he could hide inside one of these houses for a while until he was sure the coast was clear, though he wouldn’t know how to recognize that moment.

The town’s silence was soon disturbed by the distant sound of a rattling engine, interrupting even Nate’s drowsiness. He turned towards the source so fast, he lost his balance and fell in the grass, leaving the cover of the bush. While lying on the ground with the wet soil digging its way under his nails, he saw a bus stop on the left side of the lake and a large bus that had just started its engine. Seconds later, clouds gathered and blocked the last light of the moon, causing the bus to be visible by its headlights only.

Without hesitation, Nate jumped up. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him. His lungs hurt from the cool air and his irregular breathing, caused by his anxious mind and poor condition. His ears were ringing as fear crept up on him, reminding him that this might be his only chance to leave town unnoticed. To his dismay, he saw that the bus had already started to move, ready to leave town. He was close, but not close enough to catch it. With his eyes, he quickly followed the street the bus was about to drive in, and saw it made a turn left, towards him. He didn’t know whether the bus would take this route, but he knew that if it wouldn’t, he would be unable to catch up with it regardless. He could no longer feel his legs when he started a sprint towards the street and stopped in the middle of the road. He rested on his knees, wheezing for air. When he looked up, he saw to his relief the bus taking its next turn left. It was now quickly approaching, and Nate threw his arms up.

“Wait!” He breathed. “Stop!”

The high-pitched, screeching sound of the breaks filled the air. The bus came to a stop in front of him.

“Are you insane?!” The driver yelled from inside, but when Nate didn’t respond, he opened the door, allowing him to jump inside.

“I need to be on this bus,” he panted.

The bus driver sighed in annoyance. It was too early to have this fight.

“Do you have a ticket?” He asked.

“No, but I have money.”

“This is pre-booked only. No ticket, no ride. Get out.”

“Listen,” Nate argued. He pulled a bill from his pocket and held it up by his face. “I’ve had a pretty bad time lately and I am  _not_  about to leave this goddamn bus. I’ve got money, you’ve got empty seats. Here’s fifty dollars, you can keep the change. I’m sitting down.”

He didn’t wait for a reply, but put the money on the counter and walked down the aisle to the back row. Once he’d sat down, the driver begrudgingly closed the door and started the engine again. Nate could feel it buzzing through the seats. 

When they left Haywick, Nate couldn’t believe he’d pulled it off. The absence of a plan had required him to rely solely on luck, and for once, he’d found it. No one had stopped him, and now, no one would. He lay back and shut his eyes. He finally felt safe enough to rest, despite knowing that it would not last long. But the anxiety he’d felt from fleeing his new home was only replaced by a different tightness in his chest, a bitter sadness as he realized he might never see Jake again. 

 

The stars shone bright through the trees that were hanging over the icy road. It was a clear but cold night, not unusual for this time of the year. The roads were poorly lit on these tracks along hillside and trough forest. There were people who took these roads coming from town to get to the nearest airport and back. They were shorter in distance, but not faster in speed if you were prepared to drive safely. There were many things that could go wrong on these tracks, and the forest would have no one hear it. 

In front of one particular tree sat Nate, his elbows resting on his knees. In one hand, he held his almost empty pack of cigarettes. In the other was a bottle, badly hidden in a brown, paper bag. He took a swig from it.

It’s a long way from the last bus stop, which was miles, days away from Haywick. Nate had stepped out and continued following the road by foot, already drinking half of his bottle on the way over. It eventually led him to the place where he now sat, cold and alone, in front of the plain, wooden, white cross that was messily shoved in the ground. Whoever had done it years ago must have been in a hurry and had not taken the time to do it properly, nor did they ever take the time to fix these roads. Too much money and man-hours, he guessed. They’d probably thought this cross would serve as enough of a warning for the dangers here.

“Hi dad,” Nate started, but stopped. He sighed and looked away from the cross, up at the stars. He took a cigarette and put it between his lips. As he lit it, he confronted the cross again. This was stupid. They weren’t even here, but it was where it had happened.

“Hi mom,” he continued, and blew out the smoke. His voice rattled slightly and he coughed. His hands shivered. He was colder than he’d thought he’d been, the warmth of the alcohol deceiving him. “So, here I am. _Finally_ , am I right? I know you don’t like it when I smoke… I shouldn’t do that here.”

He took a long drag and kept it in his lungs until he’d put the cigarette out on the ground.

“I’m sorry I never visit your graves,” he said, while breathing out the smoke with a sigh. “I guess I still haven’t.”

He pushed further against the tree, feeling the cold coming up from the ground. While moving, he felt the corners of the folded family picture pressing through the fabric of his pocket. A drink of alcohol burned down his throat and further warmed his insides.

“It’s just that, when I had to bury you back home, I told myself I wouldn’t come back unless you had something to be proud of. Of what I did or who I was. But, you know me.” He laughed bitterly and drank from his bottle again, before releasing a tired sigh. “So, that never happened, and I never came.”

It was dark, but nature was awake. Nate heard bugs zooming around him, pesky little things that would survive even the coldest of days. He heard even crickets and the occasional sound of wings from a moth. The wind gushed and the leafs danced to it. Nate listened to it all before continuing.

“Sorry I’m such a mess. In general. I don’t know if you can hear me, I never thought you could before, but… I don’t know. It sounds implausible, even with a Heaven. I hope you can’t, but you still deserve a few words from me. I know they’re long overdue, and I know you especially value the importance of words, mom. Words and actions. So these are my words, and this is my action. I hope that’s alright with you.”

Nate looked around at the forest. Though he didn’t see much, he knew he was alone. He could feel it. No angels, ghosts, or any other presence, and it’s what he needed for this one-sided conversation. He turned back to the cross.

“You also always valued honesty, which I suck at, but there’s something I’ve been thinking about on my way here. I hope you can’t see any of this, or my life, cause I can only imagine your disappointment once you find out how I’ve spent it, and maybe you’d think it’s all because of your deaths, but that’s not true. It’s always been like this. I think I’ve been using you as an excuse so I’ve got a reason to be depressed, and if I actually do move on, I no longer have a reason for it. I don’t know. I guess that’s selfish of me. Jake would tell me something like that, psycho-analyze me or something. He takes one psychology class and thinks he’s a psychiatrist. Though he’s doing really well, he is. You would’ve been proud of him. He was nothing but a success story, before all this started. He’s been working so hard and he grew up so much. I know you would’ve loved to see that. You caused that to happen, you know. If it wasn’t for you, Jake wouldn’t have grown up to be who he is now. You’ve done right by him. I try to as well, but that’s not going all that smoothly, as you can tell.”

He took another break to drink and collect his thoughts, staring at the cross. He pressed his eyes shut and lay back against the tree. Though alone, he still tried to hold back the tears he felt burning in his eyes. One tear escaped, but he wiped it away with a quick motion before it could reach his cheek.

“I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I’m sorry. You know, for all of it. For how I live and never visit you. For how I made you late that day, so you had to take this road. And-”

Nate choked up and faced the ground. He waited for his breathing to return back to normal before speaking again.

“Sorry, I should be able to talk about this. I just never have before. I remember how you said you’d call me before boarding the plane, to let me know if you made it in time. But then the phone rang, and it wasn’t you. I still think about that sometimes. I hate the sound of ringing phones. I guess I’ve developed an aversion to all of that stuff. I don’t like phone calls, driving, planes, or even Italy. I guess I’m petty like that, to put a whole country on my list of dislikes.”

He finished his bottle and screwed the lid back on before dropping it on the ground beside him. His eyes felt heavy and tired. On his way here, he’d continued to avoid sleep if he’d been able to, as his nightmares hadn’t stopped. He leaned his head back, the cross remaining in his line of vision.

“So, even though you must be disappointed in me, at least Jake will be safe. That’s all that matters, isn’t it?”

The drowsiness demanded to be felt, and he didn’t fight it. His eyes grew smaller and smaller.

“If you are out there, you can keep me company,” he whispered to the cross, before his eyes fell shut.

 _Maybe once this is over with, I will be keeping you company_ , his thoughts continued, until he fell into a deep, drug-induced sleep, plagued by feelings of dread, but not dreadful enough to stop him from sleeping further.

 

A kick against his leg didn’t wake him up the first, second, nor the third time, but at the fourth kick, Nate let out a long groan.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” an unfamiliar voice spoke from above him. “He’s alive.”

All the muscles and bones in Nate’s body let him know that the answer was ‘barely’. He was as stiff as a corpse, his limbs numb but his face tingling, trying to move and be awake. Even opening his eyes didn’t come easy, and when he did, he was blinded by the low, rising sun, shining in his face through the trees. A figure stood in the light, looking down on him. As his eyes slowly adjusted, he saw it was a man with blonde hair, wearing a casual, tan suit. His hands were in his pockets and he looked completely unbothered by the sight of Nate almost freezing to death. For a moment, Nate thought he was smiling, but he wasn’t sure.

“You okay down there?” The stranger asked. 

Nate instantly hated his voice. It was degrading, though differently from Michael’s. It was demanding in a certain way that – if you’d ever worked in customer service – you’d instantly recognize. He loomed over Nate as a man who’d entered two minutes before closing and insisted on exchanging an expired coupon for a product that was no longer in store.

Nate opened his mouth to speak, and felt that even his jaw hurt. He cleared his throat.

“Yeah, sure,” he responded with a raspy voice. “Just chilling.”

“You do look very chilly.”

“Funny. You’re such a funny bunch.”

The man paused. A grin revealed his teeth.

“So, you don’t need any help, then? Sure you wanna stay here?”

“Pretty positive, yeah.”

“Really? You’re looking half-dead down there,” the man laughed, and kicked his leg again. 

Nate groaned bitterly, the pain shooting up from his joints.

“Never felt better,” he grunted.

The man smiled in a peculiar way and squatted down in front of him.

“And what are you doing out here all by yourself?”

“I ran out of gas.”

“I didn’t see a car on my way here.”

“Must’ve been stolen.”

“Without gas?”

“Must’ve brought their own.”

“Aha. And you decided to sleep outside of your… not yet stolen car?”

“I got lost on my way back.”

“Mhm, right in front of that?” The man nodded at the cross.

Nate managed to casually pull the corners of his mouth down, shrugging with one shoulder.

“Hadn’t even seen it.”

The man nodded silently, and Nate defiantly raised his eyebrows. If he wanted to be funny with him, he would throw it right back without a care in the world. He was sure to meet any taunting with an only increased amount of mockery.

“Well,” the man spoke. The amusement had faded in his voice and made room for a tone that sent shivers down Nate’s stiff spine. “For obvious reasons, I can’t leave you out here in the cold. You might just perish, still.”

“You can stop pretending now,” Nate said. Without fear, he looked straight into the man’s eyes, who wasn’t all that intimidated. He was met with a smile, but it never reached his eyes. With his head tilted to a side, the man observed Nate with an open condescension that Nate could only loathe. Having seen the angel’s face up close, Nate knew he wouldn’t have liked him even if he was meeting his human self. Nate thought he looked as slick and deceitful as someone who’d be working on Wall Street and was stealing money from the common folk. It wasn’t someone he was desperate to know, and it seemed to rightly portray the angel inside.

“Fine by me, Nathan.” His smile grew, but only in width. “I’ve always found charades to be such a bore, but this is a special day for me. In all my excitement, I got a little caught up in the moment, but we can speak candidly. Who knew you’d make this so easy for me? You didn’t actually think we weren’t watching this place, did you? So stupid, humans really are senseless.”

Nate scoffed, and he was both too irritated and too tired to point out that he’d come here voluntarily.

“Yeah, well, hooray. Congratulations, you got me. Amazing job. And you are?”

“Me? Before today, I was no one special, but today? Today I’ll be the one who personally brought in Nathan Turner.”

He grabbed Nate’s shoulder with much force, and from one moment to the next, there was nothing beside the road apart from trees and a white, wooden cross. 

 


	12. Moon Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter of Part Two: The Search, and serves as a prologue introducing Maya Bishop!

 

Maya Bishop was born underneath the light of the first moon on the new monthly cycle. She didn’t make a sound, but it hadn’t worried her parents, as her breathing was fine and her eyes looked eagerly at the world she’d just arrived in. Her parents had seen her silent birth as a sign of wisdom, and it had been, as she grew up reading books and understanding concepts far beyond her age. 

“Smart as a crow and twice as stubborn,” they used to say. 

No one could escape the affection they had for their only child. Every conversation would lead to Maya one way or another.

“You’ll never be able to order her around,” her father would tell them with pride. “She’s had a will of her own from the moment she was born.”

These days, Maya didn’t remember much of her parents. Bits and pieces, fractions only. She carried but one full memory with her, from when she could’ve only been a few years old. When she closed her eyes, a smell of cinnamon and fresh thyme came to her. She herself was lying on a woolen blanket in a large bed that she’d eventually grow into. She was tucked in, warm and comfortable, while her parents loomed over her. A dimmed light shined from behind her mother, as she smiled fondly down at her.

“Goodnight, moon child,” they told her, her mother softly caressing her short, black curls. “Sleep well.”

It’s something they’ve probably told her many times, and would have told her many times more if they’d had the chance. From one day to the next, it was just her and aunt Peggy. She’d often tried to get an answer on what had happened to them.

“A story for another day, dear,” Peggy would say, and say again, and again, until there would be no other day and Maya was alone.

 

With her young age of twenty-four, Maya resided in a mansion just outside a seemingly ordinary town. It had been the property of her parents and aunt Peggy, and their parents before them, and their parents before them. With everyone before her deceased, Maya inherited it all. Here, she now lived with Rewa, and had been for a few years. The wooden walls were thick, strong, and of great marksmanship. They kept the house warm in the winter and cool in the summer, and protected them against any type of weather. The steps to the front door had all been overrun apart from the top one that looked suspiciously clean, as if it repelled all plants. Humans with bad intentions or violence on their minds would step on it and suddenly feel a great desire to go home and forget all about their initial purpose here. The door was large and black, with the most interesting engravings. In the middle hung a knocker, but Maya had recently installed a doorbell to give it a more modern look.

It was a robust, peculiar house, fitting for someone like her, for Maya was no ordinary woman. She knew her ancestry dated back to the early days of Salem, where women such as her had been killed for minor, unproven crimes. Most of them not having been witches at all. Killed purely because they looked and spoke a way that didn’t please the townsmen.

Maya hadn’t just inherited the house, but also the gift of magic; a heritage that had been strong in her family, so aunt Peggy said. She didn’t know for certain in what way her parents had had the gift, and now, she might never find out. She liked to believe that it was like hers, that they faced the same difficulties and wonders she’d faced in her life. 

Aunt Peggy could not practice magic the same way she did. When in all her stubbornness, Peggy would try and cast a spell, you’d make sure to be far away from her when she did. It never had the desirable effect, if it had any at all. But in the entire state, you wouldn’t find someone more skilled in botanical medicine and herbalism. She could create any potion and medicine in the book, no matter how difficult. If it existed, Peggy could make it, and significantly enhance it as well. If it didn’t exist, then she would create it, and Maya knew that she’d succeeded several times. Her druidic magic was impressive, but what Maya remembered most fondly of all were the times she’d found her wandering in the woods, gently communicating with the trees and animals. A skill Maya had never mastered herself, with the exception of a spider she’d befriended. She’d known him for as long as she could remember, always hopping in and out and curiously exceeding his lifespan by many, many years.

 

Aunt Peggy taught Maya as much as she could. Yet still, many things Maya knew today had been self-taught due to Peggy’s barely functional spell-work. She didn’t think Peggy had been that good a teacher, either. The potions couldn’t be just okay, couldn’t be just good; they had to be perfect. 

“Again,” aunt Peggy would say, if the color wasn’t clear enough.

“But it works fine like this!”

“‘Fine’ is not a standard we’re trying to meet. We’re aiming for excellence.”

“I’m not,” Maya’d murmured back.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing, aunt Peggy.”

 

Maya hadn’t had a particularly bad childhood. She had been loved, and she’d known it to be true. Nevertheless, elementary had been less than ideal, leading her to develop a caution and wariness early on. Children, as well as adults, could tell she was different. If you looked closely, you’d think her skin – dark as the deepest, richest shade of garnet – almost glowed. Too radiant, and when she smiled, she only shined brighter. Her brown eyes were sharp and knowing, intimidating to some. She was a stunning and fascinating sight, but the general public has rarely been open to the idea of people being different, and her very existence often made non-magicals uncomfortable. 

“A blessing, because you were born in moonlight,” Peggy would say. “Don’t let them bother you. Always be proud of your heritage. Our ancestors have faced great struggles. Honor them by keeping your chin up high.”

Maya took this advice by heart, but nevertheless hadn’t always been convinced. Children couldn’t tell why she looked strange, they just felt that she was different, leading to many unfortunate instances. Unfortunate, for her classmates.

“I received some distressing phone calls today,” Peggy had said one day, without looking up from her paper. “Worried parents, claiming you – how did they call it…– sent birds after their sons?”

“They tried to throw rocks at me,” Maya had protested. “The birds came to protect me.”

If her memory hadn’t betrayed her, Maya could swear aunt Peggy had looked amused in that moment. Peggy often tried to be strict. She also often failed.

“Of course, what I told them,” she’d said, while turning the page. “Is that that whole notion is nothing but ridiculous nonsense. Birds? Following human orders? How preposterous.”

She’d smiled over the paper at Maya, and Maya remembered feeling relieved.

“Birds are much too stubborn to take orders!” She’d laughed. 

“Right you are, and I’m sure you took into consideration how we cannot and should not force nature nor animal to follow us, as I’ve always taught you. Respect them, and you’ll receive the same. They’ve shown you great loyalty today, Maya.”

Aunt Peggy had dropped her paper, no longer pretending to read it. She watched Maya earnestly.

“I’m proud of you. Our very little moon child,” she’d said, her smile loving and kind. “Always remember where you come from, always show respect to all that which has life flowing through it, and I have no doubt you’ll continue to make me proud even when I’m gone.”

 

Aunt Peggy loved to speak in riddles and prose, and while everything had sounded poetic, the young Maya much preferred things to be open, plain, and simple. She’d grown up thinking magic was normal, but one thing Peggy had failed to teach her, was that the non-magical humans would see her as anything but. She was never taught how to adapt to the common world. A world she had desperately wanted to discover, but in the end, didn’t want to be a part of. None of it had been simple.

Still, she’d needed to try. Aunt Peggy had realized this soon enough. She herself had always had an attraction to the outside, to nature and its inhabitants. She’d lived quiet, peacefully, alone, enjoying the conversations she’d have with the surrounding forest, part of it in her raven form. This life had been enough for her, but Maya wasn’t like her. Despite the dangers, she craved social ties, the human kind, and her potential reached far beyond that of Peggy’s. That’s why Maya had attended the last few years of high school in the city. After elementary, she had been homeschooled, and she had to admit to being fearful to return. Peggy made sure she had everything she needed and Maya couldn’t have been more grateful to be given the opportunity. It was something she had needed to do, and she was so glad to have done it.

 

It was in a clothing store – her first summer job – where she’d met Rewa. Rewa with her golden brown hair that glowed in the sun the way Maya’s skin could. Rewa who wasn’t magical, but had gifts of her own, talented and passionate as she was about music. Rewa, whose eyes always twinkled like she knew something you didn’t. Whose ancestors didn’t come from Salem, but Tibet, and felt the same effects from their surrounding climate of American exclusionism. Maya didn’t care much about music, but she cared about Rewa. She wasn’t bothered by how young they both were. Rewa was by far the best thing the non-magical world had to offer.

 

After two years of high school, Maya returned to aunt Peggy with two announcements. One: she wouldn’t attend human university, but study at home with Peggy instead. Two: she was officially engaged. 

Aunt Peggy had been relieved, thanking the stars above them. She’d hoped for nothing more than for Maya to find her way home, and to find someone who would make it a home for her. She knew her time left on Earth was limited. She could no longer fly as well as before, could no longer hear all the voices of the forest. Her body was getting weak, and while she knew her death would be a devastating loss for the lonesome Maya, she was grateful to know that she would not be left alone.

“Surround yourself with the living, moon child. Always allow love to enter your heart. Grieve, but know when to let go. Pain, loss; it’s a curse for us witches. Don’t let it consume you. All that is good in this world will one day meet its end, but take comfort in the knowledge that all bad must end, too.”

These had been her last words, and while it had struck Maya with the grief Peggy had predicted, it had helped her to accept it. Death is inevitable, unavoidable, like the changing seasons. Peggy had always been wise enough to know this, and she welcomed her own with open arms. Though, ever since, whenever Maya entered her backyard, a raven would fly up and take its place on Peggy’s grave. She didn’t know whether it was Peggy herself watching over her, or one of Peggy’s feathered friends, but either way, she realized that death was never as final or definite as it seemed.

 

She was now twenty-four, married for four years. Rewa was two years younger than her, and despite their occasional arguments and misunderstandings, their roughest years had continued to be the ones they’d spent apart. Maya had encouraged Rewa to study music, develop her talents, but Rewa didn’t listen and instead, they moved in together.

These days, Maya lived peacefully with Rewa by her side. She made a modest income through private séance sessions and an online shop selling herbs, ingredients, and potions, while Rewa spent her time taking on irregular shifts at the local bar The Greyhound and by uploading her songs to the internet for a small audience. The basement of their house was a maze of corridors and rooms, where Maya had any magical item neatly stored away. Her family had collected many things throughout the years. Ancient artifacts, magical objects, spell-books. It was all there in her private collection. Of some, Maya herself didn’t even know what it was good for, but she kept it. Everything, she kept, as you can never know when you might need it.

 

As Maya slept in her large bed that had become less large now that she’d turned into an adult, she didn’t know that behind locked doors, in a room of her basement, one object had gone missing. 

 


	13. A Cabin In The Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Nate gone, Jake contemplates on where to go from here.

 

A small house stood hidden in the middle of a forest, with only a field of grass giving away its location if you happened to stumble upon it. That, and a simple, squiggly path leading to a gravel road, only twenty minutes from the nearest town. 

Inside this modest cabin – that was initially intended as a quiet getaway from the busy city life – Jacob Mason sat at the table of their reasonably clean kitchen. On it was a book on the history of social science, something he’d asked his friend Daniel to fetch for him. It was unopened, and Jake had no intention of changing that. Ever since he’d had it, he’d hated the thing, reminding him of a life he couldn’t go back to. Something normal, something good, something _he_  had chosen. There were many reasons for Jake’s frustrations, thoughts he kept hidden and locked away so his mind wouldn’t start to wander. But from inside his new home, there had barely been anything to keep him occupied with, and so his mind would wander nonetheless. Seeing the book – the book he’d requested himself like the fool he was – forced him to remember how he’d only chosen to major in sociology, that would have been followed by a master’s degree in social science, because it was what he’d imagined would take him the furthest away from his parents. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, he couldn’t imagine being more removed than by studying the behavior of mankind. He hadn’t known whether he’d wanted to specialize in helping people out of genuine concern, or to prove a point, and to this day, he still didn’t know. It scared him to think that, perhaps, he wasn’t a good person at all. Perhaps he would grow up just like his father. And perhaps, he was the only one keeping this resentment alive. Perhaps they never even thought about him. Jake found that worse than the thought that they hated him.

If he allowed himself to go there, he would remember that all he had ever done, was because of his father. There had been many times when Jake had lain awake at night, worrying about whether he was his own individual at all, with original thoughts and genuine emotions. He feared it was all fake, manufactured out of fear, that everything was a pretense to just not be like him.

Jake looked away at the wall and sighed. He’d allowed himself to dwell on these thoughts, and now it was time to counter them with facts.

Fact #1: He was not his father. His father probably never doubted any of his actions. He didn’t care about whether he was a good person or not. The fear Jake felt that he wasn’t his own person, the concern he felt that he would become like his father, and the doubt he felt of whether he was a good person at all, were all proof of the opposite. His father never had deep thoughts, he didn’t think about any of his consequences, and he didn’t care about anyone but himself. Jake wasn’t like that. He never had been and he never would be.

Fact #2: Morality is subjective, but goodness is a choice. If he actively made the choice to try and do good, then intentions didn’t matter.

Fact #3: Everyone gets angry every now and then, and at least he’s trying to work on it. That shows progress, and it was a progress his father never considered to commit to.

Fact #4: Just because he’d grown up in his parents’ house, doesn’t mean that it was his home, and it didn’t mean he couldn’t escape it. Family is who you choose to surround yourself with. His mother had never wanted children in the first place, and had made sure that he knew it too, but his father had been someone he’d feared. These people weren’t family, and in that sense, they were never his parents to begin with. Uncle David and aunt Stefanie were, and they were good, loving people who’d always seen the best in him, just like Nate.

He never got further than fact #4, always stopping at the thought of Nate. He’d been alone – with the exception of Daniel – for some time now, but the loss of Nate felt as raw as ever. He was ashamed to admit how angry it made him, how much he hated Nate for the choice he’d made. He felt abandoned and even betrayed, and as time passed, this only increased.

He shouldn’t blame his cousin for disappearing. He didn’t know his reasons for leaving them behind, and he knew Nate had not been well. Whatever had happened, they would find him. There was no alternative to be considered. Nate had been there for him for all the ups and downs in his whole life. He’d always let him stay the night in his room, even before Jake had moved in, without ever telling his parents. Nate always took him places when he’d needed the distraction, always helped with his schoolwork, and made sure he was never bullied at school. At the time, Jake hadn’t realized just how much Nate had been looking out for him. He must have only been a child in his eyes, four years younger than him, but it had never mattered to Nate. Jake knew he couldn’t have been nice to hang around with once he’d become a teen. He knew he’d been childish and moody, and had much difficulty controlling his temper, but Nate had never pushed him away. If Nate could do all of that for him, the very least he could do in return was to find him and make sure he was safe.

But he was angry with him. He was angry, and it wouldn’t stop.

While Jake had no problem rationalizing his thoughts like he had just now, he couldn’t help the irrational response the book provoked out of him. Every time his eyes fell upon the neat design and clear letters, he heard his father’s voice mocking him. Knowing he would’ve quit all along and would never achieve in anything. Every time, his thoughts got more creative on what he would say if he’d ever find out he was hiding in some cabin near the town of Haywick, instead of doing his exams at school.

He knew this house wasn’t healthy for him, the peace and quiet wasn’t healthy for him. He was a man of the city. He missed the livelihood; the sounds; the smell of coffee and street food; his friends; his school projects. He even missed the terrible traffic. Jake thrived in the busy city, but stuck in this place, he could feel his mind decline through a forced stagnation. In the city, he’d felt in perfect control of his own life. Several months ago, he had been happy, had paid rent, had friends, a girlfriend, got decent grades, and was far away from his parents. Every month, he worried whether he would make it through to the next one, but every month, he did. But now, he had no girlfriend; no degree; no job; no apartment; no Nate; and no one to call a friend but Daniel.

Jake looked down. Before getting distracted, he’d sat bending over a different book on the table. A notebook, one he was writing in himself. He’d made it a habit to – whenever Daniel told him some obscure fact about this new world he’d known nothing about – to write it down in his book. The notes were in random order, scrambled like Daniel’s comments, and some were even indecipherable to himself when looking back on them. But it made him feel productive, knowledgeable, and just gave him something to do.

Right now, Jake had been updating his section on possession. It had several notes so far, and he had ended his last with _‘see page 14’_ before starting on his addition.

 

_Demons do not need permission to enter a human host. The transmission of their energy goes through the eyes. The energy of angels goes through the heart. They do need permission, because-_

 

“Why do angels need permission, but demons don’t?” Jake asked, and turned around.

Daniel was standing behind him, leaning against the fridge. His eyes were fixed on the window and the trees outside.

“Eyes can be fooled, lied to, persuaded. The human heart is stubborn and needs to consent truthfully. It was designed this way, so that angels are forced to respect humans, as it’s our job to cater to them. Demons have no respect for anyone,” Daniel answered him without looking away from the window.

“Oh, that’s nice,” Jake mocked, and much against his will, he always aimed his annoyance at his only friend. “Unfair, like everything else going on.”

“You asked the question, I provided the answer,” Daniel said stiffly, and he cast him a glance that didn’t say much, though it said enough. For a moment, Jake glared back at him, before letting out a sigh and turning back to his book. They hadn’t been getting along, but he tried. He knew they both did.

“Okay, fine,” he muttered. He added a few words to his notes as Daniel continued to watch the trees. “So is it any different for the other ones?”

He meant devils, which sounded like the same being to a layman like him. The main difference was that demons came from mankind itself. People who’d been send down to hell. Those that called themselves devils hadn’t been human, but angels, punished for following Lucifer. Jake knew that much.

“Only for Lucifer. He alone abides certain angel laws. From what I’ve heard, the others don’t require permission from mere humans, and they’ll wither and die in due time regardless of which hellish creature will take their bodies.”

“That’s just not right!” Jake cried out. “They have a massive advantage that way!”

“I suppose I do agree. I believe Heaven’s power simply doesn’t reach far enough to influence Hell and its infestations. Only Lucifer was determined to have stayed an angel in full, even in Hell. I don’t know why. He seems to loathe them as much as he loathes anything else. Still, humans won’t last long for any of them, not Lucifer nor any of his followers.”

Jake watched Daniel, who stared quietly out of the window without acknowledging him. This might have been the first time they agreed on something in a long time. Sometimes, Jake would forget that Daniel was just as fed up with Heaven and its rules, as he was. He guessed he should be grateful that Lucifer needed permission at all from him. If Jake had been sent to a place that was the definition of a terrible time, he probably wouldn’t have been keen on staying an angel either. He loathed angels and Heaven, as Daniel had said, so why continue to associate with them? Then again, by agreeing to alter his soul, he would prove them to be right.

Jake didn’t want to think too much about the being that could very well one day take control of his mind, and he especially didn’t want to sympathize with him.

“Any more questions?” Daniel asked.

He read his notes. They were his own words, but they sounded strange and foreign to him sometimes, though it no longer sounded as absurd as it had before. That, in its own right, was absurd to him. Too much time had passed for this to have any effect on him, and these past few weeks felt equally shorter and longer than they should. Shorter, because he hadn’t done a thing. Longer, because he had nothing to do. Jake sighed and closed his book.

“No, that’s enough for now. I’ll need a new notebook soon to re-write this one. It’s all over the place.”

“I can get you-”

“No, I’d rather go to town and buy one myself. I have a pair of functioning legs, Daniel. I can do it.”

Daniel didn’t argue. He’d likely grown tired of their frequent discussions. There was a time when he and Jake fought over anything, and he always seemed to endure more stress than he wanted to. Probably, the amount of stress he did want to endure was at a zero.

Jake tried to stay quiet. He knew he could be a bother to Daniel, but this much silence in his life was never something he responded well to. It made him uneasy, as it had been his experience that silence creates but a cutting tension in the room, and was usually followed by unpleasantness of many different kinds. After counting to ten, Jake took a deep breath and opened his mouth.

“I haven’t heard anything about Nathan,” Daniel spoke before Jake got the chance to ask.

Jake turned his body to lean with his side against the chair, giving him his full attention.

“It’s been over a month, Daniel. It’s been almost two.”

“I’m aware of that.”

“So I think – if there’s no news at all – that we should discuss the other matter.”

Jake saw his jaw move pensively, though he did not yet reply. Daniel was thinking of ways to tell him no, but Jake didn’t care what he could possibly come up with. He’s felt like a prisoner in his own home, counting each day of his captivity without knowing if he would ever be released.

“I’ve told you, it’s too dangerous,” Daniel said eventually.

“Yes, you have, but I don’t care. I don’t care, Daniel. I have been in this place for ages. I only go out for runs in the forest or to buy something in town. I want to DO something. You’re the one who’s told me about all those things being out there. All I’m asking you, is to tell me how to find and stop them.”

“Jacob.”

“We could be helping people. What good is any of this knowledge if I can’t use it?”

“The answer is no.”

“I AM NOT A HOUSEPLANT!” Jake screamed, his eyes flaring up. “I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS! I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO!”

Daniel shriveled away from the table, and Jake knew him not to make eye contact for the rest of the day.

“You have me,” he said.

“I have no one! You don’t talk!”

“It is too dangerous,” Daniel repeated.

“You look me in the eye and tell me it’s not what Nate would have suggested!”

Daniel frustrated him greatly, much like anything else. While never having been friends to begin with, Nate’s disappearance had stood like a bridge between them. Being abandoned had made him feel helpless, and it was not an emotion he knew how to handle well.

Daniel didn’t look him in the eye, but with all his strength, he stood powerless against the stubbornness of men, and more so the stubbornness of Jake. He moved back to the window. Outside, a bird was building a nest in a tree, feeling the arrival of spring. Daniel watched it gather the twigs for as long as he could, until he felt Jake’s eyes burning in his back.

“Get your notebook,” he said. “Then, we’ll see.”

 


	14. The Winter-Summer Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake and Daniel discover a possible lead and visit a local witch for help. Meeting people they'd never met before, they take risks in the hopes of receiving news on Nathan.

Much time had passed since Nate’s disappearance, and Jake and Daniel were holding on to their best abilities. Daniel had allowed Jake a few times to take out evil entities, but he’d much rather Jake would give it a rest. They could very well be found out. Of course, they never did anything that was actually dangerous. All Daniel had let Jake do, was ridding households of unwanted spirits, none of which powerful enough to take on a visible shape. Some burning sage, holy water, and future protection and you’re done. It’s nothing no one else can’t do. Most of these had been cases of people’s own created manifestations; their fear and paranoia fueling the spirit’s powers. If you convince them the evil has left their homes, it will. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Daniel had trouble searching dark energy that wasn’t malicious enough to hold a real threat to Jake, and he wouldn’t allow anything more. He knew how badly he wanted to defeat actual abominations, but he also knew very well that the training required to go from being unskilled in these practices, to skilled, was a dangerous path that could prove to be lethal. Besides, demonic entities and the likes were always escaping Hell. Though you’d perhaps help one family, sending them back only solves the problem temporarily. If they were strong, clever, and motivated enough to get out in the first place, who’s to say they won’t escape again, now holding a personal grudge? Jake could end up dead or taken, and then this would have been for nothing. At the moment, they could simply not afford to add to their list of enemies. It only had to go wrong once, and then his betrayal to Heaven would have been pointless, and Nathan-

Daniel opened his eyes. He’d been trying to find word on Nate’s whereabouts, but his thoughts clouded his mind. In his pocket, he felt the letter that he’d read many times over and kept on him together with the lighter Nate had placed on top. At the time, Jake had made a ball out of it and tossed it in the bin. He had been angry for a long time, but Daniel knew it to be hidden concern. At least, he knew that now. He and Jake had had a rocky relationship with many arguments and many fights. Jake would lose his temper and Daniel would not speak for days. But since then, they’d worked hard to find middle ground.

Daniel was well-aware that Jake was a passionate human being, strong-willed and expressive, who’d often say the first thing that came to mind. He’d learned to leave Jake be when he needed to express his emotions. Both of them were temperamental under their forced cooperation and easily provoked into bitter frustration, but as time passed, they’d found a way to make it work. Nowadays, you could even call them friends, and it was something that would have happened a long time ago, had Nate never disappeared. 

_Crunch._

Daniel looked up in annoyance. Jake was standing next to him, chewing on a big piece of apple he’d just pulled off with his teeth. 

“Any news on Nate?” His words were difficult to understand and a bit of juice flew from his lips. He covered his mouth quickly and swallowed the rest. “Sorry.”

Daniel shook his head. Jake removed the hand from his mouth. 

“Any news on jobs, then? Anything we can defeat and stuff?” He spoke, before taking another big bite.

Daniel sighed.

“No, nothing yet,” he lied. He hadn’t been looking at all and had no desire to change that.

Jake probably believed him, but he didn’t move. He kept eating his apple, waiting for any information at all as Daniel tried to focus.

_Crunch, crunch, crunch._

“Yes?” Daniel snapped at him, without having his voice reach above a certain volume. “What is it?”

Jake swallowed and spoke. 

“All this time of you sitting here in silence with your eyes closed, and you’ve never told me what you actually do.”

“I try to pick up any communication between angels who might know where Nathan is.”

“Yeah, but how?”

“Angels can, if desired by both parties, communicate with each other from any distance. It’s a useful tool, but it’s not discrete, and it’s possible for others to hear as well, should they be listening.”

“So like a telephone, and you’re tapping it.”

Daniel watched Jake for a few seconds in silence. He couldn’t know if tapping a phone was similar to what he did and he was too tired of Jake’s comparisons to question it.

“A telephone is-,” Jake started to explain regardless.

“I know what a telephone is,” Daniel interrupted impatiently, as he remembered very well the time he’d held Jake’s cellphone in his hands. “Anyway, just as you can call my name and I’d be able to hear, just so can angels communicate through short messages.”

“Has anyone tried to communicate with you like that?”

“No, and even if they would, I wouldn’t give away my location so carelessly, as I’m currently hiding from all of them. Some angels are very open on their whereabouts and you wouldn’t have to rely on spying in order to find them. None of the angels I need, are as easy to find, I’m afraid.”

“Yeah, else it wouldn’t have taken you months to find Nate.”

It was a low blow that was meant to sting, but Daniel ignored it. He knew not to let it get to him. They had fought enough, and he had no desire to start again.

“If you’re done interrupting me,” he continued. “I can return to my efforts to find Nathan, as I am the only one of us able to do so.”

Jake shrugged and took his apple to the kitchen where he later made his dinner, and some hours later, made his breakfast. During all this time, Daniel had been unsuccessful. He was ready to give up and start roaming around in the hopes of picking up any angelic activity, until he suddenly heard a string of words most interesting.

 

_‘Any news?’_

_‘None, and Laura is just as untraceable.’_

_‘Meet me.’_

_‘Where?’_

_‘Florence. Piazza della Signoria. Meet me at 8pm.’_

 

It was silent again, and Daniel opened his eyes with a modest but pleased smile on his face. He did it, he’d heard them. He didn’t know what they spoke of, but it sounded secretive and worthy of his time. It caused him to jump up, startling Jake over his morning coffee who had gotten used to the statue of Daniel in his living room.

“What is it?” He asked him.

“I don’t know!” Daniel responded with an excitement Jake hadn’t seen from him before, and he vanished into thin air.

The young man stared at where Daniel used to be.

“Hello?” He asked against his better judgment, and when he didn’t get an answer, he threw his toast on his plate with much annoyance. “Terrific.”

 

_Florence, Piazza della Signoria, 7:45pm Italian time_

Daniel had been observing his surroundings on the square. He tried to look inconspicuous, but didn’t know how this was done. Instead, he copied the behavior of the people walking in front of him and eyed the premises for any non-human activity, trying his best to blend in. The crowds became thinner, and while now many people had returned home or sat down at the terrace for dinner, Daniel found himself hiding behind the statues that were lined up in the back of the square. While cursing himself for his current predicament, knowing he was in a tight spot, he tried to come up with a plan and he tried to come up with one fast. They gave him no time, however, as Daniel saw a woman walking in his direction. Except, it wasn’t a woman at all. Daniel easily spotted the bright energy shining from within. An angel.

For a moment, he feared he had been discovered, but the square base below the statue of Perseus had successfully shielded him. The angel approached the sculptures, unaware of his presence, and turned the other way. She looked around cautiously, not knowing a spy stood behind her only three steps away. 

Daniel couldn’t stay here. She might not have seen him, but that didn’t mean the one she’ll be meeting here wouldn’t. Slowly, he moved away from the pedestal, keeping it between him and her for as long as he could, and hopped soundlessly around the corner to the back street. Only a moment later, a man approached the woman. Daniel didn’t see where he had come from, but he recognized the same type of soul. He moved his springy hair behind his ears to better catch their conversation, but the stubborn locks popped back almost instantly.

“Did anyone follow you?” The angel in the male body asked.

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“Good, we need to be careful.” He looked around one more time, just in case, before moving closer. “What I’m about to tell you will sound as blasphemy to some and rebellion to most, and I don’t want to be listed a traitor. You’re the only one I trust.”

Daniel saw the woman nod, but couldn’t see her face. 

“I trust you as well,” she replied. “And I trust your vision.”

The man leaned in and turned his voice to a whisper. Daniel shut his eyes to concentrate on his hearing.

“He has us looking for him for months now, but you and I both know that he’s gone. Everyone knows he’s dead, they’re just too cowardice to speak it. All while the real threat remains. Just last week, we lost another one. That should have our focus, and I will _not_ follow him any longer.”

The woman didn’t speak, but there must have been a questioning look on her face, as the man continued.

“You know it’s true! He is dead, and the ONLY one we should be looking for is Laura. You said you know her?”

“I do, we’ve trained together many times. She has a good heart, I don’t understand why-”

“So she’ll come back with us, I’m sure of it. She is reasonable, and for that alone, we should focus our attention on her. Meeting Alexander will kill us, she will agree. She has no other choice but to join us and lead us to him. It’s either that, or banishment like Daniel.”

Daniel hadn’t yet heard that he had been banished, but he supposed he wouldn’t have been good at hiding if he had. Still, it stung. It was something that he’d always been a part of, but after his betrayal, he was no longer welcome. It was the least he could’ve expected and in a way, he was surprised to hear there was no direct kill order on his life.

“Christoph,” the woman said, interrupting his thoughts. “You, as well as I, know it’s more complicated than that. You’ve heard the rumors.”

“You mean Nathan Turner,” Christoph stated, and Daniel made a mistake. At the sound of Nate’s name, his stance loosened and his grip on the wall tightened. His fingers slid over the rocks and his feet moved closer to the corner. He desperately needed to hear what was coming next. He’d waited four months for this moment. But as he pressed himself against the wall, small, loose rocks came tumbling down from it.

“Shh, what was that?” Christoph hissed, grabbing the woman’s arms. He threw his head left and right, his eyes large and aggressive. Only now, Daniel realized that if they’d find him, they’d want to kill him. It didn’t matter. He needed to stay.

“Is someone there?” The woman whispered. She lifted her jacket, revealing her hand clutching at the handle of a hooked blade that hadn’t previously been there.

Nervously, Daniel pressed his lips together between his teeth.  _Please keep on talking,_ he thought.  _Keep talking about Nathan._

The man shook his head and the woman pulled her jacket back down over the blade. From underneath, the blade became shorter until the sword disappeared.

“This isn’t safe,” Christoph told her. “We’ll continue this conversation another time.”

 _No!_  Daniel wanted to confront them, make them talk, but there was nothing he could do. They disappeared, one after the other. Next, the only thing Daniel was spying on, was an empty square. After a long minute spent in silence, he came out of hiding and stood where the angels had just been. He had been so close. What would he tell Jake? They were just about to talk about Nate and now, he had nothing. 

No, he did have something. Apparently, he hadn’t been the only one going against the herd. Laura had betrayed them as well. Perhaps for similar reasons. Perhaps she had the answers they needed. Reasonable, a good heart, that’s what they’d said. To Daniel, the next step was clear, and it was exhilarating to know that he was finally moving forwards.

 

“A witch? We need a witch?”

“Yes,” Daniel answered Jake’s question. “There’s one close-by. Her bloodline is strong and what we need are basic materials. She can help us.”

“Close-by? How close?”

“Very.”

“Don’t-” Jake sighed and moved his glasses up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Don’t tell me it’s that big, creepy mansion outside of town.”

“It is. How did you-”

“Because it’s obvious, Daniel, that’s why! It basically SCREAMS witchcraft! God, I can’t believe you placed us next to a WITCH.”

“I don’t see the issue,” Daniel said, and frowned in confusion. “As far as I know, she’s never been on our watch-list. If she has, she has never had any priority, meaning she’ll live most of her life if not entirely without being observed. Certainly a far safer option than some others.”

“But they’re witches, aren’t they dangerous?”

‘Not unless you give them reason to be. Many humans are quite dangerous as well.”

Jake thought about that for a moment. He had to admit that it was a good point. A human with a gun could easily shoot him dead, but it didn’t mean he’d automatically trust someone capable of witchcraft.

“When will we meet her?”

“Now,” Daniel said, as he grabbed his shoulder and held it firmly.

“No, no, no, we can just wa-”

But they were already on their way as the walls started to stretch and thin out. Jake pressed his eyes shut and felt the same sensations he always would, hating it every time. As soon as he could, he pulled away from Daniel’s grip and lost his balance. He fell down where there was suddenly gravel beneath their feet, and his hands prevented him just in time from falling flat on his face. 

After a short breathing period, Jake looked up. In front of him were steps, high and intimidating, and even the weeds growing on top seemed to be looking down on him. Jake crawled back up and knocked the dust off his pants. 

“-walk,” he breathed, finishing his sentence. “We can walk. I prefer to walk, when we can.”

“This is faster,” Daniel simply replied, and started to make his way up the steps.

“That’s not the point!” Jake argued, but quickly followed him. He didn’t know why he felt a sudden hesitation. He didn’t feel right on these stairs. The higher he came, the more he desired to go back home. Yet he kept on climbing, as he was sure it was safer to stay with Daniel than leave without him.

On the top step, that was strangely clean and shiny, Jake’s discomfort grew. He was shifting his weight from one foot to the other, as if the ground beneath him was hot. 

“I don’t think we should be here,” he whispered at Daniel. “This was a bad idea, let’s go home.”

Daniel ignored him. He reached for the knocker on the heavy, black door, and lightly knocked two times.

“You never listen to me!” Jake squealed, louder than he intended. He slapped a hand over his mouth and took a step back, taking shelter behind Daniel on the second step. Soon, an old, gray woman would open the door and turn him into a toad, he was sure of it.

They heard the drumming sounds of locks being opened, and the big, creaky door was slowly starting to move. Behind it stood Maya, hiding half of her body while peeking at the strangers standing in front of her house.

“Yes?”

Jake’s hand dropped and with it, his mouth. He stepped away from Daniel to take a better look at Maya. She wasn’t what he’d pictured, but he could tell that she was different. It was as if it radiated off her skin, the deep umber color much like the walls of her house. Jake thought her shockingly beautiful as it was not at all what he’d expected when thinking of a witch.

“Hi- Hello,” he stammered, before quickly throwing his hand up in the air for her to shake. “I’m Jake. Nice to, um- Nice to meet you.” 

Maya looked at his hand and raised her eyebrows slightly. With a series of quick taps from her fingers, she readjusted her grip on the door.

“I don’t shake hands.”

“Of course,” he murmured in return, and instantly dropped his hand.

Daniel smiled haughtily, amused by how he for once wasn’t the one who was at a loss of how to act. Jake subtly elbowed his side, which was met with an angry look.

“So?” Maya asked no one in particular. She didn’t seem too fond of strangers and after Jake’s failed attempt at politeness, Daniel took over.

“S’állad ohèda,” he said as a way of greeting, and after a moment of consideration, he bowed his head slightly. 

It shook Maya to hear those words. She’d only heard one person speak them before, and that person was no longer alive. She opened the door further, but still held it firmly in her hand. Her other hand was holding an amulet around her neck, her thumb gently stroking it, ready to use it if she must.

“You know the old language,” she said to Daniel. “Who are you?”

“My name is Daniel. I’m an angel and I seek your help.”

“Really?” Maya looked to Jake for confirmation, then looked back at Daniel. She wasn’t as surprised as Jake and Nate had been, but she remained skeptical nonetheless. “Prove it.”

Daniel let out an audible sigh. It was modest and quiet, but a highly dramatic sound for his usual behavior.

“Everyone always asks me that,” he complained.

“You don’t exactly look like an angel, now do you?” Jake mocked him. “Like, look at your clothes.”

Daniel looked down at his outfit and touched his sweater, something he’d decided to wear instead of his blue shirt just over a month ago. Nothing else of his clothes was particularly worth mentioning, and he didn’t see why it would be ridiculed.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Your sweater, it’s too soft and summer is already approaching.”

“That’s why I like it. Too many earthly materials are rough and coarse.” 

“Well, it doesn’t exactly strike fear in the hearts of men.”

“I don’t want to strike fear in the hearts of men.”

“Guys?” Maya waved at Jake and Daniel, interrupting them. “Do you assume me not to be busy? Either bicker in the privacy of your own home, or show me your gift.”

“Yes, of course,” Daniel said, and without further warning, he vanished. Jake was used to it by now, but Maya’s hand hung motionless in the air, her eyes shifting around to catch a glimpse of Daniel.

“Is that enough proof?” He asked, his voice coming from behind her. 

She quickly turned around while holding her amulet tightly in the palm of her hand. Daniel was standing in her hallway. They stared at each other, her deep, brown eyes on his dark, almost black ones, as his were aimed at her mouth. Neither of them blinked. For Daniel, that came natural. For Maya, it was because she didn’t want to lose sight of him. Finally, she spoke.

“I don’t remember having invited you in.”

“Oh,” Daniel replied. He looked around, uncomfortable with his own presence. “Should I-”

“It’s fine,” Maya said, and opened the door fully to have Jake back in her line of vision. She pushed her hair behind her ear, but it bounced back, bushy and thick as it was. “And what are you?”

“Me? Nothing, I’m normal,” Jake replied. “Human, I mean. I’m just a sociology major.”

“Human, you say? I don’t believe it to be a regular occurrence for angels to have human sidekicks. I don’t see a reason for it, at least. You must be something more. An assigned guardian?”

“A what?”

“Evidently, that’s a no. And you’re not a Templar. I hear they are yet to go extinct, but you seem far too young and they don’t usually travel these parts of the world. I’ve only ever met one before… Are you a hunter?”

Jake’s eyes lit up. Hunting was exactly what he’d been trying to convince Daniel to teach him. He smiled at Maya and didn’t notice Daniel urgently shaking his head at him from behind her.

“Yes! A hunter in training, I guess. He’s teaching me about what’s out there so I’ll be able to kill evil things and such.”

“Evil is entirely subjective,” Maya spoke in a sudden cold and unforgiving tone, her disdain showing by her wrinkled nose. “You people kill anything that isn’t human, even when it’s harmless. Preaching self-righteous values while you’re just as morally skewed as the rest of us, if not more so. You’re the reason many nonhuman species have been forced into hiding, out of fear of extinction. Do you realize how many of us grew up with no parents, no home, no education, no family? Yet you expect us to be civilized the way you see fit? Please. So if you think I will serve to-”

“What he meant,” Daniel quickly interrupted her when Jake helplessly looked up at him. “Is that we’re looking for very particular, specific creatures. Ones that form immediate threats and have no earthly ties.”

Maya turned to him and took a large breath.

“Demons,” she nodded. She wasn’t entirely right, but Daniel did not correct her. He didn’t tell her that demons were the last thing he was willing to expose Jake to.

“Everything else he’s taught is simply on educational terms. His role is more that of the observer. As you can tell, he’s still quite ignorant.”

Jake cast him a hateful look, but Maya considered it, and she was far more open to the idea.

“Very well, I suppose I can make an exception, but you should reconsider what you want to call yourself for future reference. This is a poor way to make friends. Come in.”

Jake joined Daniel and discreetly punched his arm when Maya closed the door behind them.

“Asshole,” he whispered to him.

“Wait here,” she said, while moving past them. “I wasn’t expecting company.”

She swiftly paced through her curtain of beads to the living room.

“I’m grateful you didn’t respond by calling yourself a Templar,” Daniel murmured.

Jake stayed quiet. He barely knew what it meant to be a Templar, but apparently, this was even worse than being a hunter. He opened his mouth to ask what they’d done, but then changed his mind. He’d said enough stupid things for now.

In the hallway, where they now stood, lingered a smell of honeysuckle and jasmine. It was all a little too perfumed for Jake’s tastes, but it interested him nonetheless. As he was gaining a new perspective on the existence of witches, from the other side of the curtain Maya took a critical look around. She cleared the dishes from the table and put the furniture in place. 

“Oh, Rewa,” she whispered, while picking up her clothes from the chair. “How many times do I need to ask.”

Every time she told Rewa to clean up after herself, she’d get the rebuttal that they weren’t her clothes. Yeah right, like she’d ever fit in those pants. They wouldn’t go past her thighs. And she’d never fit those shirts down her chest. Perhaps not even down her shoulders, that were much broader than hers. She’d never been a thin woman, and to be able to fit into Rewa’s clothes, she’d have to go back to her childhood. Nevertheless, Rewa’s things continued to be plastered all over the house.

‘Artists have messy lives, Maya,’ she could hear her say, and managed a smile.

She dumped the clothes in the kitchen and walked back to the living room. It looked neat enough. She judged her outfit and rubbed the wrinkles from her yellow blouse. In a mirror, she checked her face and threw her hands through her hair, making the loose spirals flow freely between her frizzy curls.

‘A mess,’ Maya called it.

‘Creative,’ Rewa would reply, as if she’d purposely chosen to look like this.

The white flower of a jasmine stuck out of her hair, and had remained even after fixing it. With the stubbornness of her locks, she could put anything in it and it would hold for a whole day. She would sometimes lose small objects such as essence sticks or pens, only to find them later hiding in her hair. Maya shook her head and turned away from the mirror.

“Oh, what am I doing,” she muttered silently. She didn’t like unexpected visits, and knowing there was a hunter in training in her house was unnerving to say the least. While likely having come here for magical help, ‘looking magical’ was something she hoped to avoid in this type of company. Maya held the bead curtain open and waved Daniel and Jake in. 

“You have a lovely home,” Jake said politely, as an attempt to make up for earlier.

“Thank you,” Maya replied simply.

“Do you-” he started, trying to ask her whether she lived alone in such a big house, but something had distracted him. Before having seen its movements, he felt something crawling at his feet. When he looked down, he saw to his disgust that there was a large spider moving from his left foot to his right. It was furry and brown, with long legs stretching over his entire foot. His body froze as he stared down at the creature below. If his muscles hadn’t turned stiff, he might have kicked it across the room, though this was probably not a wise thing to do. Instead, he prayed for it to leave him alone, while drops of sweat were gathering on his forehead.

“Oh, that’s just Billy,” Maya said. “He’s a huntsman and very gentle. He’ll only bite if you make him feel unsafe, and even then it only stings a little.”

“Only stings a-” Jake whispered weakly, as he saw that Billy was now crawling up his leg. He hated spiders, especially when they were near him, but also when they weren’t. He wouldn’t even want to see a picture of this type of spider, and the fact that it was now very much making contact made his stomach turn.

“And perhaps cause some swelling and nausea, maybe some light vomiting,” Maya continued.

“Please, take him off of me,” Jake gritted through his teeth, his jaw clenched, and desperately attempting to stay as polite as he could.

Maya laughed softly. She cupped Billy with both hands and put him on her shoulder, where he seemed content to rest. The spider had inexplicably been in her life since her childhood, despite the fact that she was pretty sure that the lifespan of a huntsman was much shorter than that. But it had been the same Billy through all these years, of that she had no doubt. Maya was used to people reacting the way Jake had. Even Rewa couldn’t wait for the poor thing to finally stop breathing, as he always surprised her with his speed, even accusing him of trying to make her trip. Only Peggy had liked Billy.

Jake took a deep breath and wiped the sweat off his forehead, while taking a step away from Maya who now gestured them to the back of the room. They all took a seat at her desk in the corner next to a round window with stained glass. The light shining through it was orange and yellow. Against the window stood a beautiful orchid. Jake had never seen an orchid this large or grow this well before, but apart from a quick glance, he had no eye for the orchid, but for Billy, who was happily playing with a lock of Maya’s hair.

“First of all,” Maya started, her tone much more formal than before. “I must mention that my consultation isn’t free.”

“That’s no problem, he can get you whatever you want,” Jake said. He pointed at Daniel, but didn’t avert his eyes.

Maya nodded, and made a mental note to double her prices. She thanked the almond in her wallet for this unexpected new source of income – something she’d copied from aunt Peggy – and smiled politely at the men in front of her.

“What do you need my help with?”

“I’m in need of a summoning token,” Daniel said.

“To summon what, exactly?”

“A fellow angel.”

Maya thought about this for a moment, and she tickled the spider’s back with her index finger. Jake shuddered.

“That’s pretty high class magic. Would a locator spell work as well?”

Daniel shook his head. 

“That won’t work. The one I seek is in hiding.”

“Then you should know that a summoning spell will most likely fail. These types of things are meant for when the object is either willing or unaware. Even then, it might not have the desired outcome. They could simply be alerted, not summoned. Magic is very fickle, which is why I don’t often deal in spells. People don’t usually get what they want, and then they look for someone to blame. I won’t be responsible for other people’s bad luck.”

“Still, I need it. The consequences will be ours alone, I assure you.”

Maya tapped her leg with two fingers, thinking about which spell-book she’d need to find for this. Her family had collected many tokens, but she’d never tried to summon an angel before and didn’t yet know what that required. She nodded eventually and stood up, pulling another necklace from under her blouse and detaching the small key from it. Then, she took Billy off her shoulder and placed him on her desk.

“Alright. Stay here and don’t touch anything. I’ll be right back.”

 _Damn straight I won’t touch anything,_ Jake thought, his eyes lingering on the spider.

Maya turned around and used her key on a door on the other side of the room, leading to her basement. The door hadn’t been shut behind her for two seconds, or Jake had already pushed his seat far away from the desk and pulled at Daniel’s sleeve.

“Did I hear that right?” He hissed. “Did she just say it’s not gonna work?”

“Your hearing is fine, Jacob,” Daniel replied calmly, watching the door. “But unless you come up with a better plan, we’re going with mine.”

“Your plan is _no_ plan.”

“My plan is unsatisfactory to you, but it’s a plan nonetheless. _You_ have none, I do.”

Jake had no rebuttal to that, as he really didn’t have any ideas himself, but it angered him that they had gone through this trouble for something that wouldn’t accomplish anything. He crossed his arms and looked away in silence as a form of protest. A form Daniel was more than happy with, who waited patiently for Maya’s return. 

With his eyes no longer on Billy – who’d curled up and appeared to be napping – Jake noticed the large plant in the opposite corner. It was an ivy of some kind, and was growing spectacularly. Its many leafs were green and bursting with life, and white flowers popped out here and there. Jake further inspected the room around him. There was so much to see. There were shelves attached to the walls that held small, glass jars, each filled with flowers, leafs, roots, or nuts. Jake recognized rose petals and cinnamon sticks in two of them, and thought to see cloves in another, but that’s as far as he came. There were dried flowers with a yellow core in one jar. Perhaps that was chamomile. Kate would sometimes make tea from it. Next to the jars were glass bottles, closed off with a cork. The contents looked oily. Jake couldn’t read the labels. When he looked further, he saw various types of fruit lying in a bowl on the table. Next to it was a bird woven together with twine. A crow, perhaps. In a circle around the bird, Maya had placed flowers of marigolds. Jake imagined everything to hold meaning in a house such as this, but he lacked the knowledge to know it and he lacked the bravery to ask.

 

After Daniel had given Maya an almost outrageous payment for the spell and token necessary to perform it with – after Maya had already declined part of the money as it was just too much – Jake walked up to her for a private goodbye.

“Thank you for helping us,” he started, while nervously fixing his glasses. “Sorry I freaked out over your spider.”

“I’m sure Billy will be fine, but thank you,” she said.

Even the faintest smile would lit up her face and made her skin glow, forcing Jake into his next words as he swallowed a lump in his throat.

“You know, I never knew we lived this close to a witch, I mean-… I was just wondering if, maybe you – if you’d like, when you have the time – you would like to-”

His cheeks turned red when Maya started to laugh, looking her most beautiful, though he was very much being ridiculed.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, covering her mouth and trying not to smile. “But I just imagined going out with a hunter. No, thank you. That will never happen.”

Humiliated, Jake rubbed the back of his neck. He coughed and wanted to leave even faster than when he’d stood on the steps outside. He had no idea where he’d found the courage to say those words. Maya’s peculiar radiance had overwhelmed him and he deserved the mockery.

“For many reasons,” she continued, and held up her other hand, showing Jake the back. On her ring finger was a sweet, silver ring with floral lines and a shiny, purple stone in the middle. Jake hadn’t noticed it, and felt even more embarrassed.

“Right, of course. Congratulations.”

 _Oh god,_ he thought.

“And even if I wasn’t married, I still would never-”

“No, no, stop right there,” Jake interrupted her. “I got it, I’m sorry for bothering you. I’m gonna let myself out.”

He quickly left through the door and slammed it shut behind him. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he could hear Maya laugh again from inside. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Daniel watching him, a slight smile resting on his face. He’d heard everything. 

“You shut up,” Jake warned him. He walked steadfast down the steps and to the gravel road, on his way home. 

Daniel appeared next to him and tried to keep up with his fast pace. 

“Unbelievable,” Jake muttered under his breath. “That was so humiliating.”

He hadn’t asked someone out in a long while, but he didn’t realize he’d gotten so bad at it. Perhaps it had been Maya’s witchcraft that had made him do it. Perhaps he was just a hopeless embarrassment, stammering at the first pretty girl he’d seen in months.

“Yes, yes, very humiliating,” Daniel said impatiently. “Can we talk about the summoning now?”

“I think she bewitched me or something,” Jake went on.

“I’ve heard that for humans who have never been exposed to witchcraft before, it can be an overwhelming experience to meet a witch,” Daniel explained. “Then again, you’ve already been exposed to me, so perhaps it’s just you. To get back to our reason for being here: we have our token, but that is not enough to work. We don’t possess anything belonging to Laura, so if we don’t do this the right way, anyone or anything could respond.”

“Wait, what?”

“Fortunately,” Daniel continued, ignoring Jake. “None of this is very difficult, as long as she’s open to receiving our call. If she isn’t, this all might be for nothing.”

He held up an ancient-looking artifact he’d received from Maya. It resembled a coin, but none like Jake had ever seen before. He didn’t recognize the engravings, nor did he know its origin. Was it Latin? He wouldn’t know, but it seemed like it was.

“When are we doing the spell?” He asked Daniel, and before feeling the touch of his hand on his shoulder, he knew that it was coming.

“Now,” Daniel replied, and the gravel road and trees started to stretch out. 

Jake pressed his eyes shut and tried to think of something else, but the only thing he heard was himself screaming in his own head. When he opened his eyes, it was dark, and for a second he feared that the frequent teleportation had left him blind.

“WHERE ARE WE?” He screamed, just in case he’d gone deaf as well.

Daniel shushed him.

“It’s best not to talk more than we have to,” his voice sounded close to Jake.

Slowly but surely, Jake’s eyes started to adjust to the dark, recognizing the shape of trees in front of him, and he realized that wherever they were, it was nighttime. In the sky above them, a cloud got carried away by the wind, revealing the quarter moon. With this new source of light, Jake looked around, but he only saw more trees around the small field of grass they were standing on. He guessed it wouldn’t make sense to be in a city, but he’d love to travel to one if he could. Was this Europe? Asia? What time was it? Jake got excited and almost stumbled over Daniel, who was bending over in front of him and carefully placed candles in a circle around the coin from the bag of items Maya had given them. 

“But where are-” Jake repeated, only to be shushed by Daniel again. Annoyed, he put his hands in his pockets. Suddenly, he wasn’t that excited anymore.

Daniel took Nate’s lighter from his pocket. In the dark, he studied it, before lighting its flame. One by one, he lit the candles with care.

“I’m cold,” Jake complained, but Daniel ignored him. He watched the situation unfold, excruciatingly slow. “It looks stupid.”

It was a childish thing to say and it had sounded as such, as he was still grumpy over having been silenced.

“You’re stupid,” Daniel whispered back silently, while lighting the last candle.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing,” he replied, and stood up. “It’s finished. Now, we can make the request.”

“You mean summon this Laura?”

“As I said, it’s more of a… polite invitation.”

“Then why would she come? I wouldn’t.”

“Because she’s not hiding from us, and hopefully, she’ll know that the ones she is hiding from wouldn’t be stupid enough to ask her to come.”

“But we are that stupid?”

Daniel took out the piece of paper on which Maya had scribbled the words. He didn’t need it to perform the ritual, but he didn’t want to risk making a mistake.

“Yes, we are.”

 

 


End file.
